Post # 1
So I have a tiny dilemma.
My wedding is a melting pot between two cultures. My FI is Syrian and I am from Spain. The problem is…. Syrian weddings are very over the top, very elegant, black tie, long gowns, that type of event. However, my family is not used to that AT ALL. The wedding is going to be mostly Syrian because we are getting married in his church, most of the guests are from his side…. so the attire will be black tie.
Now, of course I am not going to mention it on the invites because 80% of the invites go to his family and they are aware of the dress code.
How do I tastefully let my half know what it is more of a formal event than what they are used to? I don’t want them to feel underdressed the day of.
Would word of mouth be a right way to handle this? Maybe my mom tells my grandma, and grandma does the rest?
Post # 2
I mean how big is your side of the family? if it’s 20 people or less, then word of mouth will work. However if it’s like 80 people, then word of mouth wont be that effective and you’ll have a couple of people who will totally underdress. If it’s a lot of people, I would make a list of people on your side that you are inviting and call them under the guise of rsvp and drop it in there during the conversation that it’s black tie. So all the people who have rsvp’d, just call them to inform them you received their rsvp and chit chat and little and for people who haven’t, call them and ask them if they can make it.
Post # 3
You could make a wedding website, just something simple and elegant and put extra info like that there. You can also put extra stuff like directions, hotel accommodaitons in the area etc. on there. You can get lots of website templates online inexpensively. That might be a way to not outright put it on invites but let them know. You’d want to include the website address in your invites.
Post # 4
I don’t know why you would be uncomfortable putting “black tie” on the invitations. That properly designates formality of the event and is in no way a command. A dark suit is always an appropriate substitute.
Post # 5
I think you have to spell it out. My daughter put it on her save the date, invitation’s insert card, and website, and about 80% of the guests dressed accordingly.
Post # 6
I think the RUDE but WORKING thing to do would be put it on the invite. However, it depends on how big your family is, like someone said. If you can just do an insert or website that you direct everyone to on your side, that would be better.
I don’t know about your extended family, but for mine just saying “black tie” would probably get yourselves a lot of men in t-shirts with black neckties on! So a bit more direction may be in order as well, not sure how exactly you can go about giving that direction thou!
Post # 7
What about making a “Syrian Tradition” insert for your side of the family that mentions the formality Syrian weddings? That way you do not have to send it to his side, but you can also inform your family about the tradition as well as mentioning it is black tie
Post # 8
JustMe12182: If I were attending the wedding I would find that interesting and helpful!
Post # 9
JustMe12182: That is a fantastic idea!
To answer other questions, the invitations are in printing as we speak and I pretty much got outruled as far as what to say on the invitations since I have 70 people coming from my side, and 450 from his.
Post # 10
MrsPiggles: How does your side of the family normally dress during weddings? Would they be comfortable to dress formal as well? Would they be embarrased if they are underdress and they don’t feel comfortable? Would it be the end of the world if they are underdress? With two different cultures, it’s normal to see things mixed up. Personally I wouldn’t care if one side is more dressed up than the other. It’s all about what they are used to.
But yeah, I would agree about putting it on the website and word to mouth for family members who don’t use the internet.
Post # 11
MrsPiggles: Even if 20 invitation will go to your family maybe you can have a seperate card that say it’s a black tie affair that will save you the surprise the day of the wedding
Post # 12
Chaedra: Yeah I’m thinking I may just throw a little card in there advising them of the black tie thing. I already made the invitations and it would have been a huge expense to do 2 different batches so…. yeah I’m thinking that may be the best way to go.
I just ultimately don’t want them to feel uncomfortable. They are already going to be uncomfortable as it is in such a different type of event, I at least want them to feel like they are truly part of it. Mostly it is for my family in Spain that are coming just for the wedding. My friends I can just tell to fancy it up a bit 🙂
Thank you for the help!
Post # 13
Barely_Blush: Well I have 2 different sides. My born and raised here side, which are used to beachy and less formal weddings (California, 9 out of 10 weddings here are near the ocean) and then I have my family in Spain which are used to dress it up a bit more but are used to morning weddings so the attire once again isn’t as formal as an evening middle eastern type of wedding.
I am going to talk to my mom about it, see what she thinks. Like I said before, I am more concerned about their level of comfort at the event than anything else. Specially the Spain group since it is my adorable little grandma and aunts and uncles.
Thanks so much for all the input though!
Post # 14
Do you mean literally that over 500 people will be at your wedding????
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse
MrsPiggles: If it’s truly black tie then it’s actually the only instance where it is okay to put attire on your invite. There is no other circumstance that (etiquette wise) allows you to indicate attire.
You’re clear to put it on