My family doesn't know the wedding is a black tie event. Is word of mouth ok?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
16 posts

I mean how big is your side of the family? if it’s 20 people or less, then word of mouth will work. However if it’s like 80 people, then word of mouth wont be that effective and you’ll have a couple of people who will totally underdress. If it’s a lot of people, I would make a list of people on your side that you are inviting and call them under the guise of rsvp and drop it in there during the conversation that it’s black tie. So all the people who have rsvp’d, just call them to inform them you received their rsvp and chit chat and little and for people who haven’t, call them and ask them if they can make it.

Post # 3
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You could make a wedding website, just something simple and elegant and put extra info like that there. You can also put extra stuff like directions, hotel accommodaitons in the area etc. on there. You can get lots of website templates online inexpensively. That might be a way to not outright put it on invites but let them know. You’d want to include the website address in your invites.

Post # 4
6666 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t know why you would be uncomfortable putting “black tie” on the invitations.  That properly designates formality of the event and is in no way a command.  A dark suit is always an appropriate substitute.  

Post # 5
3643 posts
Sugar bee

I think you have to spell it out. My daughter put it on her save the date, invitation’s insert card, and website, and about 80% of the guests dressed accordingly.

Post # 6
40 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think the RUDE  but WORKING thing to do would be put it on the invite.  However, it depends on how big your family is, like someone said.  If you can just do an insert or website that you direct everyone to on your side, that would be better.


I don’t know about your extended family, but for mine just saying “black tie” would probably get yourselves a lot of men in t-shirts with black neckties on! So a bit more direction may be in order as well, not sure how exactly you can go about giving that direction thou!

Good luck!

Post # 7
557 posts
Busy bee

What about making a “Syrian Tradition” insert for your side of the family that mentions the formality Syrian weddings? That way you do not have to send it to his side, but you can also inform your family about the tradition as well as mentioning it is black tie

Post # 10
357 posts
Helper bee

MrsPiggles:  How does your side of the family normally dress during weddings? Would they be comfortable to dress  formal as well? Would they be embarrased if they are underdress and they don’t feel comfortable? Would it be the end of the world if they are underdress? With two different cultures, it’s normal to see things mixed up. Personally I wouldn’t care if one side is more dressed up than the other. It’s all about what they are used to.

But yeah, I would agree about putting it on the website and word to mouth for family members who don’t use the internet.

Post # 11
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

MrsPiggles:  Even if 20 invitation will go to your family maybe you can have a seperate card that say it’s a black tie affair that will save you the surprise the day of the wedding 

Post # 14
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Do you mean literally that over 500 people will be at your wedding????

Post # 15
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

MrsPiggles:  If it’s truly black tie then it’s actually the only instance where it is okay to put attire on your invite.  There is no other circumstance that (etiquette wise) allows you to indicate attire.

You’re clear to put it on

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