- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
I’ve been hearing all about the supportive wedding bee members across the web so I decided to sign up… because I really need it!
I’m 21 and my fiance is 22. We’ve been together five years, off and on, and we’ve discussed nearly every aspect of our future lives together (we’ve really wanted to be mature, so we’ve talked money, kids, careers, religion, dividing the chores..). There have been some pretty major things that we’ve worked through, but our relationship is… breathtaking. My man respects me, treats me well, supports me in areas that my family doesn’t really want to, is kind and supportive of my health issues, communicates well with me, and actually likes my quirks (and I have quite a few!) Certain things are dealbreakers for me, but all of those issues have been worked out and I know beyond a doubt that I’m ready to spend the rest of my life with this man.
I’m also really close to my family and my extended family. I see everyone at least once a week for Sunday dinners and sometimes talk on the phone throughout the week as well. I live about thirty minutes away from everyone but my aunt, or we’d see each other even more regularly. There have been times in which I haven’t really wanted my family to know that I’m dating FI because of their criticisms about him… I’m not a big fan of conflict. Currently, some of my family know that we’ve been dating and some dont, but that’s really because it hasn’t come up, not because I’m keeping it from them. (I know, to be so close, I don’t really talk about a whole lot that is important to me because they all think I’m strange).
Anyway, we’ve been talking marriage for a few years, but seriously for a few months. Since I knew the proposal was coming and we were looking at a short engagement, I went ahead and started to plan the wedding a few weeks ago. Last night he finally popped the question! And of course I said yes 🙂 Because my Mum is having a really stressful work week, I was going to wait until Saturday to tell her and my stepfather, but I accidentally blurted it out when I saw her today 🙁
Her response was that she couldn’t give her blessing to a wedding at the end of the summer and why didn’t we live together if we wanted to save money? (My lease is up soon and he will need to move in January… since we already know we want to get married, start our lives together, and to have a summer wedding, it doesn’t seem right to set up two households instead of one – and we’re both pretty religious so shacking up first isn’t a solution!)Then she wanted to know if I could choose him over the family, be alone on Christmas, not get invited over for Easter, etc. and that the extended family doesn’t know him well enough (and my uncle can’t stand him) and basically that everyone would have problems with us.
Then she started in on his appearance (his hair does need work and he is overweight) and lack of a great job (he’s looking very hard for something better than his current position – right now it’s about 30 hours per week in food service, but the job market is tough.. but he is very serious about wanting to be able to support our family so that I can stay at home after a few years). The icing on my cake was “I know you’re excited and want everyone to be happy for you, but that’s not going to happen”
Oh yeah, and then there is the whole “don’t tell your stepfather” thing.. she wants us to come to dinner on Friday and for FI to “humble himself” and say that “he hasn’t really wanted to be around in the past, but…” and ask permission to marry me (I don’t think she realizes that alot of why we didn’t hang around for most of our dating is because we didn’t feel very welcomed as a couple at my family home). Then she’s going to give us the same lecture she gave me today and pretend she doesn’t already know.
I’m excited and can’t wait to marry FI. I also hate tension in my family and I’m not sure how to work this gracefully. I’ve talked to FI about it and he may be talking to my stepdad before Friday, man to man. My aunt and sister are happy for me, but their opinions don’t…prevail?… through most of my family.