Post # 1
My parents want my wedding to be a certain way and I haven’t said no, I haven’t said yes yet. They’re putting lots of pressure on me to make the reception at a chinese place. I don’t know yet if that’s what I want. They keep telling me all their reasons why. I also have my aunt screeching that my parents should demand to future in laws that it should be a chinese reception. Plus she thinks I should serve cheap alcohol because who cares. I CARE! I deeply care about serving top shelf alcohol to my guests since many of our friends are drinkers and I’ve left a few weddings with bad headaches from subpar alcohol.
I arranged a dinner meeting between the two families, my parents, his parents and our siblings. My mother has asked the temperamental aunt to go along. I told my mother it’s not appropriate since his parents aren’t bringing anyone. (In the back of my head I’m also thinking that since my aunt has the self control of a ten year old, she might say something embarrassing) My mom gets all angry and says if she can’t go I won’t either and maybe we won’t meet them till the wedding. I’m like fine. Hung up the phone on her.
I want my parents to invite their friends and have a great time too, and am willing to work with them but they are making even the initial stages of planning absolutely miserable for me. I’m the first child to get married so I get that they’re excited but they’re not considering my feelings.
Just a vent… but any wise words of advice are welcomed 🙂
Post # 3
One word, elope!
Only kidding… Are they paying for the whole wedding? Tell them that you appreciate their input but this is YOUR wedding, not theirs. And why does your Aunt have to join this meeting, seriously?
My wedding is 3 months away and I have been dealing with my Mom wanting to invite everyone she knows, I wish you patience and luck! First things first, give each set of parents a number of people they can invite other than your close family and friends. I didn’t do that and I wish I had.
My best advice is to make sure you stop and smell the flowers through the whole planning process, you’re going to have ups and downs. 🙂
Post # 4
Well, first off who is paying for this?
If you and your fiance are paying, tough luck for your parents they get no say whatsoever and should be grateful if you allow them a few invites.
If your parents are paying then it gets a little bit trickier. Do not under any circumstances let the “Well I am paying for this!” guilt trip you. It is YOUR day. That does not mean you should act like a brat about it. But calmly explain that you have certain things you really want to have or to have happen. And you could do what I did and go to a bunch of different wedding etiquette sites and look up the part where even if the family is paying the bride and groom still make all the decisions. When my mom saw that, she did relent a bit. She still wanted to be involved, but when she saw how happy my decisions were making me, she was all on board. I think if your parents see the shine in your eyes, you will be golden.
If worst comes to absolute worst, tell your parents you really appreciate their gift offering, but you really want to have the wedding YOU want since it is your only one in your life. Then have a beautiful wedding that you and your fiance can afford. And who knows maybe your parents and his parents will still offer something!
Lastly, try not to stress out. It is your day, you will be beautiful. Just remember how much you love your fiance and in the end it will all work out. Good Luck!
Post # 5
Oh and I am my parents *ONLY* child, so I know what you mean about it being the first wedding in the family.
Post # 6
We started with the intention that my fiancee and I are paying for the wedding ourselves.
Apparently in chinese culture there are different rules!!
Sometimes the groom’s family pays for everything, and gifts the bride with X number of tables. any gifts of money that comes in from bride goes to the bride or bride’s family. Something along the lines of a modern day dowry.
Sometimes the groom and brides parents pays for their own tables for relatives and friends and they themselves take any monetary gifts and will gift the bride / groom with some of it.
Mine falls under that. Well it will be partially like that one. My parents want to pay for their tables for their friends and family and will ensure I won’t be down any money. (Which I didn’t care much about either way) It’s my wedding day, I just want it to be happy , I do not plan to be consumed with thoughts of money or anything petty. Fiancee and I will pay for all the other tables.
You’re definitely right, who pays for it should have a big say in it, but being that we are prepared to pay for it ourselves means they shouldn’t be so demanding. But just because something should be that way doesn’t mean it is 🙁
His parents are pretty much cool and not likely to cause this kind of stress. Somehow it makes it worse that its my own parents being the pains.