Post # 1
So as I begin my wedding planning and am trying to divide my time between my family and my new family in-law, my family is stressing me out! Both my parents really like and care for my FI, but I’m having trouble trying to help them understand that my time spent with them now includes my FI. My family is not the “hosting” type – we never had big gatherings outside of immediate family or never had people just drop by. We never had game nights or parties or just opened our home to friends to just hang out. Now that times such as today arise (4th of July), I have to fight between my parents and my FI – because my FI thinks I’m being stuck-up by not inviting him to my parents’ and my parents don’t really care to entertain. Mom says she doesn’t feel like “sitting and chatting and entertaining anyone”. My mom in particular always thinks she’s got to have everything in tip-top shape in the house before anyone comes over, and a lot of times she’s not feeling well because of a few medical conditions (which I understand). But a lot of times I feel like it’s just not that serious; they can sit and entertain with me and my FI for just a few hours. On the other hand, my FI’s family is very open – always inviting me over, always asking me to join them on numerous occassions and trips etc. I don’t want everything to always seem one-sided.
So my problem is, how do I get FI to understand that my family is not as social as his, and how do I get my family to understand that they’ve got to loosen up a bit? My FI thinks I’m being stuck up by not inviting him to my parents’ a lot of times and that’s just not the case. I don’t know how to put myself between him and my parents and avoid hurt feelings on either side. This is stressing me out tremendously.
Post # 3
Why don’t you host your parents? Mom doesn’t have to play host, but you get to spend time with them and include your fiance.
Post # 4
I think hosting your parents would be such a great idea! I seriously don’t understand why they would be so uptight about your FI being in their house, he’s going to be family soon. Perhaps even a neutral setting like a park this 4th of July, unless it’s too hot for your parents?
Post # 5
They shouldn’t feel like they are “hosting’ your FI and they should understand now that when you come over to spend time with them he will be coming too! Do they “host” you when you are over – I don’t really see the difference?
But I think you guys having them over might be a good idea too!
Post # 6
Those are good ideas girls! Maybe I should start hosting them. FI and I don’t live together right now, so it’s hard to kind of get everyone in one spot. Dad is working today, so really it’s just mom and my younger sis who will be home. I don’t get why they get so uptight when I ask anyone to come by their house. It was like that when I was a teenager too – it’s like they always had an issue when I wanted to invite anyone over – not just my “then” boyfriends but girlfriends too! It’s like they just would rather keep to themselves. It’s new for me with my FI’s family and how much fun they have – my family is scattered all around the country and a lot of his is nearby, so maybe his family is just more used to it than mine.
It’s just really annoying when I ask “hey can me and FI come by for dinner” and I get all this resistance and all these reasons why today is not a good day. I try to be supportive and understanding but it really just makes me not even want to go over there, and then when I do go alone – FI is questioning why I don’t invite him to spend time.
Post # 7
@FMM: you’re right, they don’t “host” when I’m over – I also get the feeling that they feel they can’t be as relaxed as when I come over (I usually just pop in and out when I get ready). FI’s family on the other hand – I can do stuff like go in the fridge and grab a soda but if FI does that at my parents’ – they’re ready to have a cow. It’s SO strange to me. But they REALLY do like him. Maybe it’s that since I’m the oldest and first child to get married, they’re still getting used to all of this?