My Family Isn't Coming to my Wedding. [Long]

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Its not right that your mother is making you feel bad about her not being able to attend.  The wedding date is for the couple not everyone else. When picking out our date I realized I won’t be able to please everyone.  Summer is when many people are on vacation. Fall is when people are back at school or work if their jobs are seasonal. Winter is during the holiday seasons and spring is Easter, parent’s day, etc.  I realize some of my family (maybe very few) and others will not. 

Keep the window open for her to help out wherever she can but if she chooses not to partake, its on her. 

Post # 4
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@CARA1978:  +1

It’s def not right. What I have come to learn is that you WON’T be able to please everyone but if there is a will, there is a way. If she REALLY wanted to be at your wedding she’d find a way to get there. The bottom line is she is being stubborn and selfish and ruining this for you and it’s shameful a mother would do that to her daughter during such a precious time in their lives they should be sharing TOGETHER. At the end of the day, you offered to make her a part of it and she has the option to go so if there is ever regret later on, it shouldn’t be on your conscience, it will be on your mothers. She will have to come around and go or not go and regret it later. THAT is not your fault so please don’t feel responsible for it.

There are lots of weddings I ho hum at for their distance and how much it may cost me but you know what? They are good about giving the people they know will be out of town well advance notice so you can get your rear in gear and start saving if you TRULY want to be there for them and I always end up going. For a mother to not give that much care about it, it’s really disheartening and I am so sorry you are going through this.

Post # 5
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

@CARA1978:  +1  @Zellywelly:  +1

 

Your mom is laying the guilt trip on pretty thick.  It’s understandable that she’s upset, but she doesn’t have to burst your bubble and deprive you of any joy in the occasion.

Post # 6
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@MariahLynn:  Does your mother not want you to get married so soon because she thinks you’re not ready, or because she can’t travel? It’s just such an odd predicament. Florida to Missouri isn’t international travel…

Post # 8
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MariahLynn:  I could pay for my mothers ticket to our wedding and there still is a 50% chance she wouldn’t come, so I get what you’re saying. Some people are just constantly bitter and it invades their feelings on other peoples lives too.

You’re not doing anything wrong!

Post # 9
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I guess I am a little confused as to why you moved to Florida, why not get your own place in Missouri?

Regardless, I am sorry your mom isn’t being very supportive.

Post # 10
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

Does she have a history of being non-supportive when things don’t go her way or is this totally out of the blue for her?

Post # 14
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

You have to live your life, You cant keep changing all your plans simply because of the stubborness of your mum. Is it possible she is trying to guilt trip you into changing your mind?? 

Post # 16
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

@MariahLynn:  She isn’t going to change her behavior just because you are getting married.  If she has a history of this behavior then this is pretty predictable.  I’m going to bet she has been getting people to cater to what is convenient for her for a very long time, and quite successfully.  That is why she does this.  It works!

You and FI need to sit down and decide what is important here.  You can continue to cater to her (and she WILL keep expecting it) OR you can decide what the best wedding plan is and execute it.  Invite her and hope she comes.  If she doesn’t, it will only affect your wedding day as much as you CHOOSE to let it.

She has been a manipulator for years.  It has worked.  She is doing what she has always done.  This will continue as long as you tolerate it.  It might be wise to come to the realization that she won’t always make the effort to be there when you want her to, deal with that, and choose to overcome it.  

Decide what makes the best financial and logistical choice for your wedding and do it.  Stop catering to her!!

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