Post # 1
Background: Fiance is a highly sought after specialist in his field with a very full schedule. I don’t make any mystery of how busy he is, which is VERY. These family members can sometimes be pushy with me or each other but this is beyond that norm. They also have not regularly contacted him before.
Rather than “congratulations, let’s celebrate” some family member have been contacting him with “I’ve got an 8 hour job you could do for me for free right away. Can you call me back in the next few hours to confirm when you’re going to do it? Oh and btw, congrats.”
Is this hazing or something??? They are not normally this rude. I feel embarrassed and don’t know if I should suggest he does it for them this one time as a sort of formal introduction to the family, or correct them on their rudeness.
Post # 3
@joya_aspera: I wouldn’t call it hazing…but def rude! I would simply tell them (since it’s your family) that my Fiance doesn’t work for free and his fee is $x.xx per hour.
eta: if he does it once for free, they will always expect it! Been there before :/
Post # 4
I don’t know where you are in the world, but I call that rude and not normal.
But even within my own extended family I know some people call on professional favours like that (not 8 hour ones though!), so maybe I’m not normal. (EDIT: but this is a close relative (her own son in law) and it only takes a few minutes, though personally I think it’s still putting him in an awkward position).
I would advise to politely decline, otherwise my fear is you’ve set a precedent. My view is very close relatives (like your own parents) can call on an occasional small favour in extenuating circumstances; but more distant relatives like uncles and cousins – forget it.
Post # 6
In my family if you do something once it’s your job FOREVER. Exp. my Uncle cleaned my grandmother’s oven. He then moved to South Carolina (from WI where grandma lived). It was still his job to clean the oven, no one else could do it. Everytime he came to visit she would have the oven cleaner out and on the counter waiting for him.
In other words, this could very well be a trap. I would decline, just because he is going to be part of the family does not mean your family can rudely take advantage of him.
Post # 7
Thanks for the replies… I’m glad to know this is not normal and they’re being rude.
To be fair to that person, they may not know that what they are asking for would take 8 hours, but they would know it would take at least half that, and the person was really not asking, but telling. He’s not used to being spoken to like that and how embarrassing of a way for my family members to formally introduce themselves!
Post # 8
How close are you to the family member? If it’s an immediate family member I might explain that my Fiance is EXTREMELY busy and he can’t do things at a drop of a hat. Also, how would they like it if someone asked them to do their job for free?
That last part might be a little harsh but maybe you could hint at that?
Post # 9
@CMSnails: It is an older non-immediate family member I’m on good terms with but not close to. I thought maybe it was a generational hazing thing (“respect your new elders!”) but I guess not. The person also completely bypassed me, and must have gotten his number from my parents. =/
Post # 10
My extended family is a bunch of serial moochers. Don’t let these people get away with it or they’ll suck all the joy out of your life!
Post # 11
Its very rude! Just because you guys are engaged doesn’t mean your family should assume that his services should be free!
Post # 12
Op, You should be the one to address your family members and tell them your FI’s rate. If he’s willing to give them a discount (which would be extremely generous) you can also mention that…but make sure they know it is a discount and favor. If he starts doing it for free he will for sure be taken advantage of…where and who do you draw the line????
Post # 13
Thanks all, yes, I’m going to have to step in and say something. They put him in an awkward situation.