Weddingbee boards

After my shower and again after my wedding, my mother wants to see a full list of who gave what.  I know this is somewhat an old tradition.  When my grandfather passed 40 years ago, my grandmother wrote down every gift that was given and we have that till this day.  My mother wants to know so she knows how much to give to these other families when they have weddings.  I think you should just give what you think is right. 

But I think sharing this information is incredibly tacky.  And although I have no choice but to share, I really don't want to. Anyone else have this issue?

Meh, whatever the reason your mom wants the list for, I think this is a case of picking your battles.  If you refuse, will your mom be very angry/annoyed?  Is it worth it?  After all, even if what your mom does with the list is tacky, it won't be a reflection of you.

My parents "wanted" the same thing, but realistically, the day after, my husband raided all the envelopes and tore them apart for the "goods" inside before I even had a chance to take any notes.  I told my parents that everything was such a chaotic mess in our room that many of the envelopes were not labeled...that was enough for them!  =)  We also lucked out in the sense that we got mostly cash gifts as opposed to boxed ones, so not registering paid out for us! 

I think your parents want it as a way to figure out who gave what and who was cheap/not so cheap...if they really want it, I say make it up...realistically, they're not going to approach the people about it so, say what you want! 

*Disclaimer: I am a baaaaad role model...follow advice at your own risk!  =)

MissBlueBear:

If I did that I would be killed!!!  I already got in trouble because they can't find somebody's name on the list I made.  They told me to write the amount they gave inside the card, this way years from now I could go back and look.  I told them there was no way in hell I was saving a pile of cards for years.  Now they are missing the name on the list and my mom had a fit.  I'm worried I didn't send her a thank you, I was very careful with that list, but my sister who was writing down (On a LIST!!!) who gave me what gift was very sloppy.  Now I have to ackwardly approach this person at my wedding and verify they got a thank you.  arrrgghh

For my wedding I am going to save all the cards with the gift inside and give it to my mother.  She could keep the $%@#$% cards!

But I still don't like it.

My mom wanted a list too. All of the Asian relatives and friends gave money, and she said she needed to know how much (and how many people attended) so she would know how much to give them/their kids at future weddings.

I was reluctant, but in the end reasoned that probably all of the other moms in that group were doing the same thing anyway, only perhaps not on a spreadsheet. But you can bet that all of them were thinking in the back of their heads, "well, So-and-so came to my daughter's wedding, and brought her husband and three children, and only paid $X! So at her son's wedding I only have to give $X!" or "So-and-so was really generous at my daughter's wedding, so I should give extra to her kid at his."

It happens all the time, especially where, as with my mom, invitations to weddings are issued and accepted more out of duty than out of an actual desire to attend. You know, "they came to ours, we have to go to theirs" or vice versa.

My mom wanted the same thing. I gave up and just gave it to her.  It's a pain, but it also helped when a family member called her to see if we received the present yet, and she could actually say yes we did.  Plus I needed to keep track anyway for thank you cards.   but it true we're going to a few of our friends weddings this year, and if they only gave a lot more than what we were planning on giving them, I'd probably reconsider what I'd give them.    I'd feel bad to give them less, we're all in about the same financial situation, so...

this isn't uncommon.  in fact, i know ppl in the 20s/30s who keep track just so they know how much to gift when their friends get married.