- 3 months ago
- Wedding: July 2017
So as a short back story, my dad’s side of the family has always been quite horrible. They will cut out people that they don’t think are right for the family dynamic, namely people who point out that what they do is completely screwed up. My Grandparents favor my only aunt and therefore all of her kids over everyone else. They will pay for all of their groceries, invite them out to camp, go to all of their events and always “forget” to tell everyone else important information. As for the rest of us, we are ignored but always expected to show up to help and celebrate the favored ones. They are all druggies and major drama makers. They never cared about the family members who thought being law abiding decent people was important.
Anyway, Event number one. I’m an only child and asked my closest cousin and my closest friend to be co-maids if honor. Despite being in the mid-range in age of my cousins I was to be the first married. I knew that my cousin had assumed that she would be married first as she is a few years older than I am but she seemed to have no issues and was happy for me. This all changed about a week ago, she ran off to Vegas without telling anyone to get married. We know that he didn’t want to get married as he had made this point very clear on many occasions. So I feel as if she did this just to be married first. I’m not alone, many of our family members believe the same thing. This in itself is not what is bothering me, as I’m not so petty as to care about being first. She is having another fake ceremony at home now so that she can invite people and having the whole “wedding experience”, complete with full wedding reception. She had a choice to have it two weeks after my wedding or 6 months after. She is choosing to have it two weeks after. Again I’m upset about that but it wouldn’t have been the end of the world. What bothered me is that she didn’t even have the decency to ask if I was okay with having it so close or even give me a heads up about what was happening. She asked me to be a bridesmaid and I said no because I don’t believe in having a fake wedding. She chose to elope and should have to deal with her choices. I told her that I couldn’t make it as I live out of town and after taking time off work for my wedding, I couldn’t take more time off. She didn’t care at all.
The second issue is my cousin’s mother. She is butting into all of the wedding planning that should be done by the bridesmaids. Well not that it should be but they all have stated that they want to help. My aunt is taking over and excluding the rest of my bridesmaids. My mom is in town and is trying to smooth things over by giving everyone a neutral ground to work in and getting in touch with everyone. My aunt has already ruined my mom’s wedding and my mom is doing her best to keep her from doing the same thing to me. My Aunt is also my photographer. She used to shoot weddings and asked to do it when my FH and I first got engaged. She would be saving us lots of money and I agreed. She is now trying to but into everything and take over all she can. I’m thinking of asking one of my other friends (Professional Photographer) to replace her just for my state of mind. She would still be invited just not apart of the wedding anymore.
I feel like my dad’s family has completely walked all over me for my whole life and I feel like they are trying to make this all about them. I know they don’t have my best interests in mind because they are doing things that are their style and not mine. I’m hurt that I thought maybe this once I could feel like I was an important part of the family. I’m not letting them ruin even the smallest part of my big day because I am marrying the man that I love and all the friends and family that really care about us will be there.
Do you think I am overreacting? Do I let it all go, be civil and act like nothing is wrong or do I say something? If they didn’t come at this point I wouldn’t be heartbroken at all.