Post # 1
My father started at home hospice a few weeks ago, my family lives 13 hours away. My fiance’s mother is in a nursing home within an hours drive. Ideally, we wanted to have both of them attend the wedding. We told our friends that we were looking to get married in the April/May timeframe. At this time, we think April or May may be too late for my father. This is my first marriage so it is really important for my father to walk (or wheelchair) me down the aisle even if it’s symbolic.
I also want a big celebration with our friends, that’s also important to me since it’s my first marriage. We want our dog involved (we met through that little mutt), we want an outdoor ceremony. We are both middle aged and don’t need gifts; we’re still trying to get rid of stuff from combining our two households when we started living together!
At this point, I’m making myself sick trying to come up with a plan that I’m thinking we should just do the courthouse thing locally then have a little shindig for my dad and family. Maybe a small ceramony for his mom and family (we could probably do the courthouse thing near her nursing home as now she is allowed to leave for a few hours). Worry about the big celebration with friends once we get through this tough time. After my father passes, I will be very involved in what happens to the estate so I’ll have my hands full.
Post # 2
lauragee: Can you involve the Dads in the ceremony over Skype or Facetime?
Post # 3
You could probably get married at your dad’s hospice if his presence is most important to you. Most have pastors/rabbis/priests on staff and they’d probably rather do a wedding than a funeral.
Having my daddy at my wedding would be the most important thing to me, you could have his mom skype and spring her for a couple hours for your reception back home with friends/family. We all have ideas of what our wedding will be like, but I’d rather tell my kids that I got married at Grandpa’s bedside than he missed our wedding, but the dog was there. You know?
Post # 4
Thanks for the tips! A friend had also mentioned Skype. We most definately want the “real” wedding close to our home as 1. he’s from the area, 2. I consider this my home as I’ve been here over 20 years, 3. fees are cheaper and mostly 4.my family lives in a state that does not reconize same-sex marriage, we’re straight but it’s the principle of it…
Of course we would have a ceremony just for Dad – either before or after. But I think he would die happier knowing that it was official…
Post # 5
I can completely understand you wanting your father to be there. I’m a lot younger than you and both of my parents have passed away. I was afraid something was going to happen to my grandfather so I bought my dress and had pics made with him in it months before I got engaged. He passed away the day after I got engaged and I have been dealing with the estate for the past almost 4 months. It is such a stressful time and add on wedding planning, it can quickly become too much. I would probably try to do a ceremony at his hospice and then have a reception or something back home with your friends.
Post # 6
We’ve decided a very small civil ceremony SKyping my father in locally then a symbolic ceremony/reception with my father a few weeks later.