Weddingbee boards

Ughhhhh. Father history: Loud, drinks in almost all social situations, obnoxious, ego issues, beat up my mom when I was 2 (which is why we left). My father was going to walk me down the aisle, then pass me to my stepfather, who would pass me to FI.

One hour before the rehearsal, FI and I met my father, his FI, and my brother in the "pub" at our venue. He was already sloshed. When my father get drunk, he gets emotional, cries, clingy, awkward and downright creepy. I told him and his FI to stop drinking (in a light hearted way). I told him he had to behave himself at the rehearsal. They said there was nothing to worry about.

Rehearsal begins, I am in tears just for the fact that my father is drunk ALREADY. (We still had a dinner to go to, with lots of homemade wine from FFIL and MY father). Rehearsal begins, my father and I are at the end beginning of the aisle getting ready to walk down. While waiting for the BM's to walk down, my dad's arm is around me, he's kissing me on the cheek, squeezing me, it was GROSS. He was totally embarassing.

We start walking down, he's sobbing pretty much. Wasted. Out of his mind. I saw my stepdad in the "fake rows" and a light went on: CRAP I FORGOT TO TELL MY DAD AND STEPDAD ABOUT MY PLAN. So I felt awful for my stepdad, as he has more of a right to pass me to FI in my eyes, and said something like "Oh crap I forgot, you (dad) are passing me to Rich (stepdad) and then he's giving me to Brent". So everyone was like "Oh? We didn't know!" and my dad went into the "fake row".

I was then passed to FI, looked back, and smiled at my dad. I knew he was probably like "WHAT?", so my smile was like a "Hey! Everythings-ok-and-I-still-like-you smile".

All of a sudden, my dad shouts. WAIT. I HAVE A PROTEST. The approaches me, FI, and my stepdad (who had not had the chance to step away yet.) He started yelling "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IN MY DAUGHTERS LIFE". I knew where it was going with his yelling, I was already ad at him for being drunk, I got in his face, pushed him, and pointed my finger on his nose saying, "dad you WILL NOT DO THIS TO ME today."

He didn't even notice, sort of thrwew me off him and charged at my stepdad. I threw down my shower bouquet, screamed "FU** THIS!!" and ran away only to have a panic attack (not joking.) on the grass. FI and BM's came to the rescue.

Later I find out. My dad tried to hit my stepdad, so my brother stepped in took him to the ground. My dad wouldn't stop yelling at everyone and all I could do was scream "WHY IS HE DOING THAT MAKE HIM STOP!!". Meanwhile, there's another wedding going on in the garden nex to us, 2 of their GM's came over to see if they could help.

The owners of the venue called the police. My dad was almost arrested but when he agreed to leave the property I guess they didn't arrest him. Thank God he didn't hit anyone. I would have blown him up. My dad was told he could stay there until MIDNIGHT (It was like 6pm) to sleep it off, but had to leave the property. So a BM escorted them to another nearby hotel where they simply ignored her directions and drove for the highway, back home, 2 hours away.

My dad called me, I ignored it. I listened to the voicemail, he was screaming "NICOLE I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU" and told me that I disrespected him and I didn't listen to all of it because he blamed my forgetting to tell him the PLAN (very important, big mistake!!!!!!) on his actions. He said I made him act that way.

Being a CRISIS WORKER on a SUICIDE HOTLINE, I knew I did not cause him to act that way, so I told him so (in a text, no way in hell was I going to talk to him). He called back, I ignored, but didn't listen to the voicemail right away. I was trying to calm down, at the dinner, everyone was like zombies due to the incident that happened at the rehearsal, which, by the way there were about 30 people there who saw the entire thing- (OOT guests, BP, immediate family).

When I listened to the voicemail later, he told me to "rot in hell", "you never disrespect your ITALIAN FATHER" (he's as Italian as jarred sauce), and that I can "die" and more horrible awful things.  He called my mother a "whore" and my stepfather a "fat fu**", he told me "Fu** you" and said to "Fu** all FI's family" (they have never done anything but be hospitalbe to him).

The next day (WEDDING DAY), I find out my father called his family and told them they can't come to the wedding because he WAS JUMPED AT THE REHEARSAL. So I sent him a message saying, "You can suck it!!" (hahaah) and then he told me to rot in hell again so I said, "Does Rhonda (dad's FI) know how you beat up my mom? Well fu** you for that too." That was the last I heard from him, so it's been about 2 weeks.

I know me texting him those things was not THE BEST idea. But, I'm not too upset about it. I have been waiting for years to tell him f-you for beating my mother up.

Now.. I don't know what to do. I am in a place where I am still very angry (as you can prob tell, I'm ok with that) and sort of heartbroken at the same time. I do not want to reconcile at this point. I do not know if I ever will. What would you do.. Is there anything I can do? It's just.. very weird.

Sad, too. He opted not to give me the $5,000 he promised me for the food, since he didn't even attend. Several family members who saw the whole ordeal pitched in. It was a very bittersweet wedding. I felt so loved by my family and friends.

I think the moral of the story is, don't forget ANYTHING about your wedding. Hahaah. Honestly though, thank you all for support. My friends and family said the same things, everyone agrees, he did nto act like an adult. I told him that but he still blamed his behavior on my actions.. does that make any sense at all? I thought he was getting better over the past few yrs but I guess not.

And ugh, my poor mother. She hadn't been exposed to his idiocy for over 20 years. It was traumatizing for alot of us.

@sahsabahs - I went back and read that post. I wrote that he is a "fool" and "more of a friend than anything".... "but he's getting better." Ugh. It makes me sick!

You know.. that was the only thing that went really wrong with the wedding though. I had no other major crisis that wasn't easily fixed. I had a very smooth planning process and was fairly organized. Sadly though, this all was running through my head so much I was sad and crying up until I did my makeup and put my dress on. It was a bad day before the ceremony started. Also during set up, I was so emotional that I completely forgot about "details" and several, SEVERAL, things did not get done. I am kicking myself for that now too.

@beekiss2- I haven't made a final decision, I guess it's hard to actually make a decision that huge. I agree that the initial decision of not reconciling for the time being is the best decision for me. FI.. well, HUSBAND now, says that if it were him he would be completely done.. he (husb) is a very very reasonable person so to hear him say that really shook me. I just keep thinking about the future and how awkward it will be if we see each other at family things. A 1st cousin on my dad's side is planning a wedding right now, it's going to be small and destination. I really don't know how I feel about that, and being so close to my dad in a small population.. BUT I KNOW I must take it a day at a time. Every day that goes by with no contact is healing for me! The last thing he told me was to never call him again, and I will have no problem with that for now. Grrrrr.

@MsInterpret- I was thinking the same thing! If he would have done it during the wedding, I would have hit him in the face. I don't normally hit people, but I think maybe, eh, it would be warranted. Then I would have jumped in the creek. When I ran away from the rehearsal spot, I ran to a feild with a creek in it and I had the strangest thought to jump in the creek. NOT AS AN ATTEMPT TO HARM MYSELF (ha!). But I also had the thought that if it was the wedding day I would have jumped in the creek. I probably would have ran to the other side and kept running. In my wet and dirty gown. Sigh.

@Beekiss2- His family "sort of knows" now. There are only 2 uncles and their wives/kids. My dads entire side filled up only one table at the reception. But when my dad beat my mom up, his family said "Oh no, not our little Chuckie". Please. But my mother spoke with my dad's side (they haven't spoken since the divorce!) and they all said they didn't know he was "like this" but that they were still there to support me. They are all pretty reasonable people and must have thought it strange when my dad said "don't go to the wedding, they jumped me!". Thank god. When I heard they were considering not coming I ran away again for a half hour the morning of the wedding (running away is a theme here, eh?). but they DID all come, and we didn't even talk about it, and they were all very happy for me. So I think they would all underdtand, and they all probably think he's a total jerk. Hmpf.

My heart breaks for you that you had to deal with all of this from him. But you know what the good news is? You have a wonderful husband who loves you and stood by you through all of this. You are not alone. You know that none of that was your fault, but let me say it again. Nothing you did, said, or didn't say had anything to do with why he acted that way at your rehersal or about your wedding. You seem like a strong and lovely woman who did not deserve that. No one does.

What would you think about a little face time with a counselor who can help you work through the conflicted emotions you're having? i'm guessing that since you work at a crisis hotline, that the idea of getting help when you need it is not something foreign to you. If you're open to it, talking with a professional about this could help you to get some closure on past issues as well as some stratigies for dealing with future events if they ever arise.

Rely on your husband and your family for support right now. And remember, your wedding was NOT about him. It was about the beautiful union between you and your husband. Try to celebrate that and remember all the good things about your wedding day. With the right work, that is eventually what you will think of about your wedding and those other things will fall to the wayside.