- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
****It’s long so be prepared****
Hi Bees, I’m not really here looking for advice as I feel like there’s not much I could do in this situation. I’m really just here to vent my frustrations.
To begin with, this is the conversation I had with my 11 year old sister online yesterday.
Her: Mom and dad were fighting this morning about your wedding.
Me: Why? What did they say?
Her: Daddy said that he isn’t going to your wedding and mommy told me that if he doesn’t go she is going to divorce him. I thought she was kidding but she’s serious.
Me: Why? i mean, why do you think she’s serious?
Her: Because she went to go garden and I went to help her and I asked her if she was serious and she said yeah and she said that a long time ago she prepared moving money in case they got divorced.
My father not attending my wedding is not news to me. I’ve known for a very long time that this was a possibility. I have been with my FI for 9 1/2 years and in those 9 1/2 years my father still disapproves. My FI has been nothing but kind, loving, and generous to me and my family. My mother adores him because she he is more a son to her than my own brothers are. My little sisters love him because he spoils them with his time and attention which they don’t receive from our own father. He is a great male role model for my sisters since they lack one and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
So you’re probably wondering why in the world my father would disapprove of such a wonderful man for his daughter. The only reason is because he is not of the same ethnicity.
My older sister married a man of the same ethnicity. He didn’t work. He abused drugs, neglected her and their two boys, and beat her from time to time. My sister left him many times but my father convinced her to go back and work on their marriage. Eventually they divorced.
My half sister married a man of the same ethnicity. She met him while she was working for Taco bell in high school. He was 27 and she was barely 18 and starting her freshmen year in college when they got pregnant. She dropped out of college, married him, and is now a stay at home mom while he supports them on his taco bell salary. My dad threw a wedding for them and bought them a new car.
This weekend my step sister is getting married to a man of the same ethnicity. The only reason they’re getting married was because she thought she was pregnant but it was an anembryonic pregnancy meaning she wasn’t actually pregnant. They had already told their parents, planned the wedding, then found out there was no baby. However they are going through with it because the parents don’t want to lose face knowing now that they are not virgins. He’s 28 and works at a grocery store and she’s 24 working at a fast food restaurant. Oh, did I mention my father is throwing their wedding for them too?
I went to college and met a wonderful man. We waited until we were both done with college and financially stable with great paying jobs before we decided to get married and start a family. We’re both 28 and have done everything in the exact order that my parents wanted, yet my own biological father will not attend my wedding because my soon to be husband is not of the same ethnicity.
The truth is, I really don’t care that he’s not going. Last thing I want at my wedding is a person as negative as him. But I know it bothers my mother tremendously. It hurts her to see the father of her own children treat us in this way while he is the complete opposite with his second wife’s children (yes, he has two wives, it’s a cultural thing) whom all but one are not even his biological children.
My step sister is my bestest friend in the world and my maid of honor. But when it comes to my dad, it’s hard to talk to her about him. She didn’t grow up with the father that I did. What she received was a kind, attentive, sometimes stearn father who never raised his voice at her, her siblings, or their mother. I received the strict, disciplinary father who always picked on and degraded my mother in front of her children. When I brought it up to my stepsister as well as my other step siblings that my father was not attending my wedding, they just brush it off saying he wouldn’t do that.
I am so fed up with this man I call my father. Sometimes I think it is best if my parents did get a divorce. My mother does not deserve this and neither do we. But I know the ones who will hurt in the end are my younger siblings who are so innocent and oblivious to the jerk of a father they have.
If they do end up divorcing, my mother and my 5 little sisters would come stay with me and my FI as my mother is on disability and can not work. It’s a lot to ask for of my FI but everytime I bring it up and ask if he’d be okay supporting my family if one day this was the outcome, he’d always say “what do you think? of course we would take them in. Where else would they go?”
How can my father overlook such a great guy like my FI. I just don’t get it.
If you made it to the end, thank you for listening/reading.