My father's not going to my wedding

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
470 posts
Helper bee

@miss_leafheart:  I don’t have any advice, but that sounds like a terrible situation.  I’m so sorry you are going through this.  Cyber hugs!

 Good luck!  And enjoy your wedding to your fabulous fiance! 🙂

Post # 4
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Ugh that sucks!  You are right not to care if your father comes to your wedding or not.  If they do end up getting divorced you little sisters may be better off, you don’t want them to be in your shoes someday.  

Hang in there and give yourself a break.  You deserve a treat for dealing with all this.

Post # 5
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

🙁 … my father disapproves too, he thinks I shouldnt be getting married until im at least 40. I dont care. Your parents wont be getting a divorce because of your wedding, although it may be the final straw, it will be because your mother is fed up. And yes, divorce can be hard on children, but if hes not a great role model to them then hes not doing much good there anyway. 

Post # 6
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Sorry, your father is a bigot and a jerk. He’s fine with daughters marrying abusive guys who can barely support hisgrandchildren just because they are the same ethnicity? WTF?? Those are some majorly screwed up priorities. Also the fact he does the 2 wives thing – uh sorry, those situation veer to close to wife as property thing. (I also bet no way is a woman allowed 2 husbands, so he basically supports a system dedicated to oppressing women.)

Im glad you have found a good man, he sounds far, far better than the “man” your father 

Sadly, I don’t think your mother will leave him but if she does it’s because of many other reasons – not your wedding. Maybe you should tell Mom that you’d rather not have him there – after all it’s a day to celebrate your union and be happy, ppl who aren’t happy for you shouldn’t be there anyway – so maybe it becomes less of “make or break” situation. But I have a feeling if she does leave – she wanted to find an excuse to do so (doesn’t need one) but its not fair to put that on you. 

BTW do you mind sharing what continent your family comes from? Maybe your fiance’s – not specifics, just generalities. I’m curious what area of the world this type of binding, crazy, loyalty to ethnicity comes from. (and how your father has probably been judged or discriminated for his ethnicity or having 2 wives and now he’s doing the same small minded thing to your fiancé ) Oh! Except, are you in your father’s home country? Whereas these are the standards of a broad community there so he thinks it’s normal – as opposed to living in the US or UK where he would be a def. minority.


Post # 7
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I felt like I wrote this post! I am in the same situation as you. My father refuses to go or contribute any money and my mother is also threatening divorce as she is embarrassed about his actions. 

You can’t control what your mother plans to do, it is obviously not all about your wedding, she has been feeling this way for some time. And you know you are marrying the love of your life, you didn’t do anything wrong or anything shameful. If you know this, act on it!! It sucks that he is your father and this is happening, every girl wants her daddy there but don’t waste your time trying to convince someone that has already made up his mind. He will see! He will eventually see the errors of his ways, but you can’t force that to happen. 

Enjoy your day, your planning and your fiance. Don’t let this negative energy effect you. <3 Thoughts and prayers your way!

Post # 10
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

The best thing that can happen to your mother AND your sisters is to not live with that kind of man. I hope everything works out!

Post # 11
2278 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m so sorry you’re going through this 🙁

Post # 12
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Okay, this might sound weird, because I am so sorry you are in this position, but I am not worried about you at all. You sound like you have a fantastic head on your shoulders, a great grasp of what is important in life, an amazing fiancé, and a wonderful future to look forward to. No matter what happens – if your father comes around and attends your wedding, if your mother chooses to view this as her final straw and leaves him – you’re going to have a spectacular marriage and life because you are a strong, sensible person. (I’m still really sorry that your dad is the way he is, though!)

Post # 14
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so sorry to hear this, is he planning on not attending your Hmong wedding or your Westernized wedding?

Post # 15
3555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@miss_leafheart:  There is a large Hmong presence in my area and I have become somewhat familiar with their customs. One large point of contention I have heard complained about from the younger generation is the bride price. Is it possible that your FI has ignored a custom like that and has therefore offended your father? He sounds like a very toxic person who should not be catered to. I’m sorry he’s making everyone’s life more difficult, but it sounds like you, your FI, and your mom have a good plan in place.

Post # 16
1165 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@miss_leafheart:  I don’t have any advice, but I am so sorry that you are going through this. It definitely hurts when someone disappoints you (in this case, your father). It is in the best interest that your mom and sister no longer live with him. Good luck with everything, and enjoy your wedding day!

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