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Am I the only one who hates birth control?
I just recently got back on hormonal birth control because DH and I realized that we really want to wait a couple of years before TTC. For the last 2 years, up until now, I have just tracked my periods and we've stayed away from "fertile days." We realized this left us quite open to the possibility of a pregnancy, and just sighed a sigh of relief with every period. So now that we've decided we definitely want to wait, my husband is adament about me being on birth control. It's just...
1) I hate the way it makes me feel! My body just doesn't feel...right. I go back and forth between nauseous and ravenously hungry. I feel way more emotional than I do when I'm not on it. I also have had mild anxiety since I was a kid and I feel like it's worse when I'm on the birth control. DH has suggested that I try different kinds to see if some aren't as bad, but I honestly don't want to because...
2) I don't feel like it's right. And no, it's not because the pope doesn't agree with it. It's because I don't feel right treating my body like this. I feel like I'm taking this beautiful gift of fertility God gave me and treating it like something dirty that needs to be eliminated or treated. Like I'm denying my womanhood. Maybe I'm overthinking it.
I really want to look into NFP, maybe even take a class. DH thinks it's unnecessary to go to so much effort when all I have to do is just "pop a pill" and be done with it. He's not insensitive, and he really tries to listen to me. He just doesn't understand it. I guess I just want to know if I'm alone. Does anyone else not feel "right" about birth control? Does anyone have any experience to share on how easy/difficult NFP actually is? About birth control, do bc side effects go away after a while? The longest I've ever been on it was for about a year. Is it unlikely that side effects I still felt after a year would go away? Thanks guys :)
Hmmm,I would look at ALL of your options first,your DH should understand that you dont have to do something that your not happy with,after all,it will affect you and your body directly. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of the bc pill then look at other resources that are available,and try to explain to your husband that "popping a pill" is not soemthing you readily want to do.
ETA:Just for a smile, if my DH had said this to me,I would have told him to "just pop a condom on then" lol
I loved NFP. Between baby #1 and baby #2, I was on the Mirena, which I also liked, but my preference is for NFP. I just felt better off hormonal birth control, and it honestly wasn't much work for me, after overcoming the initial learning curve. Idk about everyone, but while on the pill, side effects actually worsened for me; I was on the pill for 4 or 5 years before I quit and started charting, instead. I did like the Mirena because I had fewer side effects, and the few things I did experience were mostly positive (e.g. shortened periods).
Do you think your husband might be a little resistent, also, because he feels like the pill is more effective than NFP? If you're interested, I don't think it would hurt at all to learn more about the process and then decide if you want to use NFP. If you're going to be doing it, your husband does have a role to play, so I think it would probably be helpful for him to learn a little about it, too. The plus to that might be that, as he becomes more educated on NFP, he may become more comfortable with it, too!
@swanks4tw:I completely agree with everything that you said. I've taken a few NFP classes and we practiced it before we started actively TTC. I felt so much better using it and so did DH actually. I definitely recommend looking into it.
I was in the same boat as you. I was never comfortable on BC. I never felt right. My cycles were whacked. I never felt right emotionally or psychically. I basically hated being on BC.
I talked to my husband then BF and he was supportive of my decision because it did not make ME feel right.I did look at other options besides the pill; I was not comfortable with any of the other methods as well. But you might be, have you looked at other methods?
Haha @Kimbo, the idea of using condoms gets tossed around whenever we talk about it, but we always decide not to because it doesn't feel as intimate. I think he really does try to understand. He's just a very logic-driven person. "Because I said so" never worked for his parents, and "because I feel this way" doesn't work well for me. If it's not something that can be boiled down to the facts, he has trouble understanding it. A lot of our arguments end in him saying "I don't understand you, but I love you."
Mrs. Spring I think a good part of it could be that he doesn't think it's as effective. I really want the two of us to learn about it together, I think that would make us both more comfortable with it.
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. You guys are such a great support group :)
I am an atheist, but if god gave you the gift of fertility, didn't he also give you all of these great options now (through science) to decide when you are ready and comfortable using that gift of fertility? I don't think its the right way to think of BC pills as "medicating away fertility".....but maybe thats the soon-to-be doctor in me/feminist who sure is glad such options exist in my lifetime!
That being said, I am not saying BC pills are right for everyone, and if they make you feel different and uncomfortable, then by all means use other methods! Have yu tried progesterone only pills? would you consider an IUD? how about a diaphragm? The list goes on and on, and in the end you need to decide what makes you the most comfortable, and if that is using NFP that is fine, you just have to be OK with a higher risk of an unwanted pregnancy using methods that aren't as effective.
I don't think you're treating your fertility like it's dirty or a disease. I DO think that you're taking charge of it by realizing you're not ready/willing to have children yet and controlling how you handle this by taking BC/engaging in NFP.
So to be honest, no, I don't understand why you feel that way (much like your husband), but I do empathize anyway. If you're having negative side effects only you can decide if it's worth it for you. Trying new types of BC could help; trying alternate methods altogether may help. Find what works for you! :)
ETA: I'm biased cause I love BC... not having to worry about little ones for years takes a lot of stress off my shoulders :) We actually double protect (BC and condoms) every time because we're very serious about not having children yet, so I think it's wonderful that we have these options available to us.
I feel the same way. I'd love to stop taking it but I'm too scared to try any other way. I guess I'll just deal with it until we decide to have kids. But yes, I do agree that I'd rather not be polluting my body if I don't need to--I have always been one to think that the less drugs in your body, the better.
I've been off of BC for a decade due to my fibroids as well as preferring to use condoms instead when I was single. Even though DH and I are married and actively TTC, we've always practiced the withdrawal method as well as track my ovulation.
@swanks4tw: Charting your temperature is basically all you need to do. Read Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, buy a basal thermometer and you are all set.
You will have to take days off though...not sure if your SO is cool with that or not. But you definitely have options!
@swanks4tw: I’m still new to NFP/FAM (fertility awareness method) so I can’t give you too much advice sorry but when I learned about it, it was recommended that I read “Taking Charge of Your Fertility,” by Toni Weschler. It’s a really interesting book that not only teaches you about FAM but also about your body in general and she does talk a little about the other methods of birth control. FAM isn’t for everyone though; you have to take your temperature daily as well as check other signs and learn to be in tune with your body. There’s also a website that you can probably get more information about it: http://www.tcoyf.com/
If you decide to try it out, I really recommend a glass basal thermometer (it’s said to be more accurate). I started out with a digital one first but my temperatures just seem to fluctuate too much so I decided to get a glass to try it out and the glass just seems a bit more stable (at one point I was actually using both to see how different the would be).
The glass thermometer I got was the Non-mercury Glass Basal Thermometer Mine works well but I guess out of every 10 or 11 there can be a bad one.
The digital I got was the BD Digital Basal Thermometer.
What I like about FAM is that it's all natural; there are no hormones involved, no side effects and you're working with your body not against it.
ETA: He's just a very logic-driven person. "Because I said so" never worked for his parents, and "because I feel this way" doesn't work well for me. If it's not something that can be boiled down to the facts, he has trouble understanding it. A lot of our arguments end in him saying "I don't understand you, but I love you."
I just wanted to say my husband is the same way lol and he actually doesn't want me on BC after really looking into FAM and how BC effects me and my body. Sometimes I even suggest that maybe it'll just be easier to get on BC and he tells me that would rather use condoms (which he absolutely hates) than have me on BC. I think it would be really good for your husband to learn about it as well (it's actually a very logical method! lol).
I just want to say that threads like this make me smile. I feel like, too often, our society assumes that every woman should be on the pill and that any other form of birth control is outdated, irresponsible, or downright stupid. I've been in discussions with women who've said things like, "Why would anyone ever use anything other than the pill? Any woman who's not on the pill is an idiot." Well, I guess I'm an idiot, and I'm OK with that. For me personally, the pill was never an option for a lot of the reasons listed here. And I'm glad there are other women out there who feel the same and look for alternatives birth control methods. It makes me feel like I'm less of an idiot for not choosing to go on the pill.
Honestly I have had the worst periods since I was 14- so sever I used to vomit non stop every month with th pain.
I went on birth control for about 6 months and didnt like how it made me feel so I came off them again -luckily the hormonal treatment left me with more manageble periods.
However in UNI I learnt a lot about hormones and their effect on the system- I decided not to use hormonal birth control and was left extremely in tune with my body and its rhythms.
Birth control hormones are just not for me...
I appreciate all the responses! Even those who disagree, I appreciate the different perspectives and thank you for not disparaging me :)
Mrs Green Grass I don't think having off-days will be an issue. I don't want to be explicit, but we do have a colorful sex life that includes a multitude of "alternatives" that we can use on those days lol.
I've never taken birth control pills, or any form or hormonal birth control. we only ever used barrier methods and it may not be as effective but thats the most I'm confortable with.
Something about the phrase " unwanted pregnancy" irks me.
You mean inconvenient for your lifestyle or preferences at the moment? Like it magically came upon you, and maybe it could give you a call back later when you have more time.
I feel like we ignore the fact that we grow into women with our menstrual cycle in which the sole purpose is involved with conceiving and we come born with all the right materials to raise and birth babies ( breasts , hips), yet we act like being pregnant is some shocking and horrible thing.
I don't view modern medicine as a gift from God in this situation, considering children are a precious gift according to Him. We have found ways to artificially manipulate hormones and destroy our lining to prevent a new life but still reap the benefits of sex. There are ways without any intervention, to have sex and not get pregnant, just takes a little education and commitment between partners.
I've never been on the pill, it's never sat right with me. Hormones have significant effects and I've never been convinced that altering your hormones is a great idea. So we've always used a loose form of NFP and it's worked. I was a bit afraid I wouldn't be able to get pregnant and that's why our form of NFP worked. But our first month of TTC resulted in a baby so I'd say NFP worked for us. That being said we were open to children, it might have been at a less ideal time but we were open to children and could have made it work financially if one had arrived due to our method.
I loved BC, it was very good to me. My periods were always perfectly on time, it helped with my skin, my cramps, etc. When we wanted to have a baby after the wedding, I waited for one cycle to pass before trying. We got pregnant on that first try.
I'm undecided on which way to go after the baby. I would love to get right back on the pill but know with breastfeeding that's not an option (at least not with the pill that I was on). We are definitely "one and done" but I don't want to tie tubes or get an IUD... I'm not sure what to do. (And will NOT be using breastfeeding as birth control, I have two friends that have babies exactly a year apart because they were using breastfeeding as birth control, lol)
@Eva Peron: I don't think pregnancy is shocking nor horrible, but I think a pregnancy can destroy the lives of parents and children alike. I do believe a child is a gift, and an amazing one at that, but I have seen too many bad situations to think naively that people can just have babies whenever they want and things will magically work out.
and destroying the lining of what exactly? I don't mean to be rude but i don't know what you are reffering to
To the OP - that's cool if you want to try NFP or other methods - glad there's so many available :)
For me, it had gotten to the point where my 'womanhood' was starting to dictate my life and my activities. The pain, nausea, and unpredictability among others, just became too much for me. I'm very happy with my choice to go on bc and have been very lucky to have basically no side effects.
It's also made family planning much simpler for DH and I, now that we are married. I trust the pill more than I would our ability to accurately temp and chart.
@elk: I would think she is referring to the uterine lining? But correct me if I'm wrong, if you are on hormonal bc, doesn't it prevent you from ovulating as well? So there would be no egg to be rejected?
I wonder if she's referring to the morning-after pill?
Isn't it crazy how it affects everyone differently? My symptoms were WAY worse on BC than off it. Off it it was almost always tolerable.
@regberadaisy: yeah, it's strange - I did have to change a few months ago, basically because I was on too low of a dose. One of my friends went through several before she found one that was right for her - so it sounds like it takes a lot of trial and error for some women.
@hisgoosiegirl: You pretty much said what I was going to say.
If I wasn't on the pill, I wouldn't HAVE any fertility to speak of--endometriosis is a rough disease to have, and I have to have a reliable way of controlling the hormones in my body to prevent the tissue growth from spreading to other organs (bowels, bladder, intestines). It's great that you have options, OP, but I don't really agree with the idea that the pill is bad. A bit unnatural, yes, but some of us don't have the luxury of trying other methods of BC.
@elk: I appreciate your view, and I understand what your saying! I was just on a completely random personal rant lol. I believe most IUD's irritate the lining, which is what prevents the pregnancy, correct? I don't mean it destroys it , i just meant thats basically one of the methods used to control pregnancy.
I feel so uplifted right now :) I'm not by any means saying that no one should use birth control, but I think it's absolutely true that you need to do what's right for you. I just really think this is for me. A couple PP's have brought up another good point. We know without a doubt that we want to conceive, and don't even want to wait a long time (two years is our timeframe, and to me that doesn't seem long)
I really want to get in tune with my body, which I feel will help us when we are trying to conceive.
@Mrs Grape: Oooooh, I'm sorry that you have to deal with that condition. I've heard how painful it is and how hard it is on women TTC.
I actually grew up on an organic dairy, so I've always been one to shy away from a lot of conventional medicine, but like I said, it had gotten to the point where I had to make a change. I suppose that probably makes me a hypocrite, but I'm a happy one, lol.
DH too for that matter - I think he appreciates that now he just gets an unhappy growl at that time instead of a full-blown attack, lol!
@Eva Peron: that is true of copper IUDs, though Mirena is a hormonal IUD that doesn't necssarily irritate the lining of the uterus, and most other forms of birth control do not have that kind of effect (though they may thin the lining as it would thin normally during your monthly cycle, just not irritate it)
@hisgoosiegirl: I've mostly gotten over the fact that we won't be TTC because of it (and some other conditions)--it's not worth the time, money, etc. as I'd have to take different medications and probably have another surgery. They got most of the tissue when I had surgery last March, and I'm pain-free about 90% of the time, which is just amazing to me...I'd forgotten what it was like to NOT be in constant pain! I take my BC three months in a row, then a week off for a withdrawal bleed, and it works like a charm.
Bottom line: You have to do what's right for you. :)
And I'm also not some weirdo fundamentalist or anything, ha! I have used birth control pills, prior to sexual activity , so I have been both on and off of several methods and have my own experiences it.
My beliefs are not anti-birth control, just frustrating in how we view children and certain natural processes today.
A baby at the wrong time can destroy lives, that of the child and the parents. I have seen it happen. Just because we can have babies doesnt mean we should, there are over 7 billion people in the world now and vital resources like clean water are going to become very scarce within the next 50 years. Preventing unchecked reproduction is extremely important to managing both our impact on the world and our own mental and emotional well-being.
I have only one working kidney, getting pregnant could be deadly for me so I avoid it, of course any pregnancy would be unwanted for me, does that mean I shouldnt have sex with my husband?
@Eva Peron: Well, your post irks me. To some women, pregnancy is terrifying and horrible. Not every woman has to view children as "a gift from God" or has to want them to be a good person. It is a personal choice and you should not pass judgement on those who don't feel the same as you.
I don't personally think that you are denying your womanhood or making your fertility seem like a disease. You are making a mature, adult decision to say that you do not want kids right now. Personally, I think you're overthinking this but a mile but I don't have the same perspective on it as you because I'm not a Christian. I wish you luck with whatever you choose to do.
I don't think I will go back on hormonal BC again after having such a hard time getting pregnant when I came off of it. It has been over a year and a half and I still am not having normal cycles. I do have PCOS, but I was cycling regularly before I started on birth control pills and then nuvaring after I got married.
@zippylef: Thank you. Seriously. I don't think it's wrong for a woman to decide, "Hey, a child would be bad/inconvenient, but I still want to have sex," and take steps to prevent pregnancy. I don't think anyone should get on their high horse and start judging others for what is a VERY personal decision.
I am not trying to bash birth control or those who take it! I am so sorry if I came off this way. I was simply trying to say that it didn't feel right to me, physically or emotionally. I feel like I am treating my fertility, which I feel is a gift. Of course those who are suffering without taking the birth control are a different story. I think you have to do whatever is right for you. I just don't feel like it's right for me.
ETA: Maybe if my situation was different, I would feel differently. Actually I know I would because I have been in those situations. A baby would not be the end of my world, it would be a wonderful occasion. We know that right now we want to live as a married couple without children, but it would not be anywhere near devastating to us to have a surprise pregnancy. There have been times in my life that birth control/condoms were the only options I would even consider because A) the communication necessary for NFP wasn't there and B) an accidental pregnancy would have certainly been different than it would be now.
I'm so looking forward to our wedding day (it actually comes the last day of my active pills) and I will be DONE with hormonal BC. I really don't like that I've been on them for about 8 years, and I can't wait to get back to my natural cycle and see what my body does naturally. Plus, charting while we're avoiding will hopefully make it much easier to TTC, since we'll have had that year or two to find out the cycles of my body.
I TOTALLY agree with the posters that mentioned reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It is GREAT! Tons of info, many descriptions on the methods you can use and the symptoms you can track. I'd look into Fertility Awareness Method (like NFP, except that condoms are used on fertile days if you wish, rather than strict abstaining). Good luck to you in finding what works for you as a couple, OP. I'd share the book with your husband and have him read a few of the most applicable chapters (you can flag them for him) so he can get a better understanding of how the method works, how successful it is if you follow the 'rules,' and how it can be a lot better for your body to be free of the additional hormones.
Also, not all BC pills work like they should. They are supposed to prevent ovulation and create a 'hostile environment' for an egg if one is fertilized. Through charting, I've found that I do ovulate every month anyway. So we always use condoms as well. Something to consider if your husband thinks that the pill is the best way to go.
Eeek maybe everone didn't read all of my posts? I am not anti-birth control and it is not against my religion! I have used it as well!
I never said don't have sex with your husband or that women should suffer with their choices.
Just having a random rant on "wording"
Sorry to
Annabelle86 for any misunderstandings or offense, I sincerely did not mean to cause any trouble.
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