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Ooohhh that sucks. We're getting married over this year's Labor Day weekend - on the Sunday, as well. My MOH wasn't really happy about the date, for reasons that I won't get in to, but what I had to realize is that we can't accomodate everyone. I know that it can be especially frustrating when it is a close friend or family member, but I think that those people have deluded themselves in to thinking that they have some sort of pull over your wedding day because of how close they are to you.
I know it's hard, but put your foot down, refuse to apologize, and do your day your way. Hopefully he'll come around.
Ugh, I have my own FIL issues, so I totally understand where you're coming from. Based on your post, I don't see how you can address this issue with your FIL without him making a huge deal out of it. It sounds like, if you tell him that he's the one at fault for pressuring you and trying to guilt you into changing your minds (and that he's a real jerk for bringing it up every chance he gets), he's just going to turn it back against you.
I would just give him minimal fuel for his fire. If he keeps bringing it up, keep reminding him that the date is set in stone. It's exhausting and annoying and infuriating, but telling him to stop isn't going to make a difference. Stand your ground, but be prepared for the long haul. :( I wouldn't be surprised if he kept this up even after the wedding; it sounds like that's just a (very unpleasant) part of his personality.
I appreciate it girls. I guess I need to accept he is going to bring this up for the next 13 months basically every time we are around. Dang it! Unfortunately, like Mrs. Spring said, it is part of his personality we have to deal with on a regular basis. Not understanding people, not "getting it" and just oblivious. It's very hard.
Thats annoying, it's not like your wedding is even preventing him from going to the reunion anyway! If I'm correct, your wedding is on Sunday and his reunion starts on Wednesday? I really don't see what the big deal is for him, he can easily travel on Monday or Tuesday!
Maybe next time he brings it up you could make a reference to the fact that you have already placed a deposit. That might make it more "set in stone" for him.
What if you got a little upset? I'm not talking about being a drama queen but maybe just get a little girly on him when he brings it up again. Just be all "oh my god we tried to make everyone happy and I am so sorry you aren't but you are making me feel bad!" wimper wimper...
sorry if that sounds manipulative but with people as thick headed as he is sometimes you need to use a hammer. I think this would work especially if his wife doesn't do this and if he doesn't have a daughter. He won't know what to do with himself.
My FFIL has no idea how to handle women (divorced confirmed bachelor) and sometimes I ramble on about wedding details just so he understands how much damn work this is taking and won't bother me with requests (this is how I got him to forget about the distant cousins he wanted to invited. OMG the list is so big! i dont know what I am going to do! Woe is me. Worked like a charm).
I totally understand, CurlySue. Our FILs sound very similar; I could totally picture him doing what your FIL is doing to you right now. I am in the midst of writing my own vent post about the most recent events on our end... All I can do is commiserate with you and encourage you to stay strong. Try really hard not to "fan the Flames," and kill him with kindness. At this point, having dealt with my FIL for 5 years, it's the only thing that seems to work. Good luck, and let me know if you find anything else that works!
Thats difficukt, but long story short, his son's wedding should take precedence over a work reunion. No ifs, ands, or buts about it, this shouldnt even be a discussion. Him not getting it is definitely difficult, so Id let it ride. If he hasnt taken teh hint by now, he likely wont. You've tried tact and bluntness, now its just his personality. Sorry youre dealing with this =oX
All you can do is take a deep breath and support your fiance. He's probably more frustrated than you could ever be! He's had to live with this type of behavior his whole life!
I feel your pain. My FMIL got all up in arms about our choice of October 10 as a wedding date. Why? Because fall is the middle of the youngest (and favorite) son's soccer season! She actually wanted us to rearrange the date around his team's schedule. Bear in mind that the son in question told us flat out he didn't care if he misses a game, he's just thrilled to be part of the wedding. It still took months, to get her to stop mentioning it. You just can't change people!
Its annoying and its rude of him, but its also something that could turn into a big nasty fight and you dont want that associated with your wedding. Do your best to ignore it, and make sure your FI knows how this is making you feel. There may be a time and place for him to talk to his family about it.
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Don't get me wrong, I love my FFIL; however, due to his inability to realize his actions effect others has caused problems in the past and currently is weighing on my FI and I. My FFIL is the type of guy who speaks before he think sometimes and what he says can be hurtful but we know he doesn't even think about it, he thinks of himself. No matter how many times one might ask him to not do something or to do something, he doesn't follow the requested wish basically ever. He doesn't listen is basically the problem.
My FI and I are getting married next year over Labor Day weekend. We have family, we hope, will be able to make it out for the wedding who will come from other states. We hope that by having the wedding on a holiday weekend they won't have to worry about taking extra vacation to cover travel time since the wedding is on a Sunday and they can go home on Monday (the actual Labor Day holiday).
Several weeks ago my FI was at his parent's home working on a welding project--our current home doesn't have an area to keep all his tools and stuff so he works over there from time to time. His father came out and started talking about a reunion he was hoping to attend next year Sept. 8-10th. He asked if we were firm on our wedding date. FI said yes. FFIL said that was great and good and he would still of course attend our wedding because he wants to and it's important, but he wanted to make sure he could hopefully attend the reunion at a National Park location where he used to work. My FI thinks he was hoping we would change our date due to the conversation they had, but FI isn't exactly sure.
Ever since then, everytime we all gather for dinner, my FFIL brings up the reunion and how it's right after our wedding and he'll probably leave the day after our wedding to go to the National Park where this reunion is being held....FYI it's a reunion for a certain group of workers at the park, not a family reunion type thing. FI gets pretty ticked and just ignores him and does something else because he doesn't want his dad talking about it because it's all basically rude. I'm guessing this has happened three times that at dinner he's brought up our wedding date and the reunion and we feel he is hinting about changing the date. Sorry, we have made a deposit, not happening.
Well, last night he, again, asked if we were firm on our date and we both said "yes" at the same time. This time though he said he thought how funny it was that we happened to pick a date that forced them (FMIL and FFIL--even though FMIL isn't going!) to change their plans because of our wedding date but they didn't know they would have to change their plans until recently when they found out about the reunion at the National Park. ::sigh:: I couldn't believe it. I politely told him we were not changing our date, FMIL stated (again) we weren't changing or wedding date for anything, and if he still wanted to go the park then leave several days after.....we are contimplating having a morning after breakfast or brunch as a "goodbye" for the family leaving the day after the wedding.
My question is, what do I do about this? Do I just start to ignore him? I wish he would stop bringing it up and stop making us feel bad that he can't leave a full week before -- like he had wanted/planned to do. I really wish my FI and FMIL would say something to him, but we all know it will be a waste of time. My FFIL just doesn't get it and never will.
Sorry this was so long and I hope it actually made sense.