My FH trying to lose weight for the wedding but is unwilling to diet?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
397 posts
Helper bee

xtals: Sounds to me like he wants to lose weight, without having to put in the work. He’s an adult, I’d let him try his approach, and if he fails… Well, he fails. The good news is that it sounds like he trying to make smaller changes to make smarter choices, which he can then sustain even after the wedding.

Men usually lose much easier/faster than women. So he may see results just by making the small changes he is, in addition to adding excercise. Biggest thing is he needs to cut out sodas, fast food, fake sugars… Other then that, I wouldn’t worry too much about him and would just be supportive. 

Post # 3
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Losing weight is such a sensitive issue and I can see you are trying to be supportive.

I agree with you that he has a bad attitude about “dieting”. Maybe if he just saw it as a “lifestyle change”? It really is just semantics but it’s a thing for some people – they don’t want to admit they are overweight – part of the problem. 

I believe that if he really was very sedentary before all this he will definitely lose weight. In fact, where he is starting is not bad for someone who wasn’t doing anything before. But when he gets comfortable with these changes he needs to step it up. Like, change all the walking to jogging and up the speed over time. Or substitute his desserts for less fatty desserts, like fruit and yogurt etc. 

He might feel more keen to change when he sees the kilos shed.

An alternative idea is to get a personal trainer. That way he has a weight loss plan, he has goals and he will be accountable to someone – and that person is not you. That way there won’t be able conflict between you about his weight loss. 

Post # 4
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

If he wasn’t exercising at ALL before, and is now running 4 days a week for 20 minutes, and is eating less (even if only a little), he should see changes. Men lose weight quickly when they try!

Post # 5
1464 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Actually, I think his changes are very likely to give him results, especially as a man.  The simple act of eating breakfast, combined with small meals throughout the day, will kickstart his metabolism.  I think slow and steady is best for real results.  There’s no need to go on an extreme diet or even a “traditional diet.”  Even by just swapping a few snacks with fruits and vegetables, he’ll get more nutrients and fiber.  Combined with moderate exercise, I’m pretty confident he’ll see the results he wants.  30 pounds isn’t a lot to lose for a guy.  Actually, I’d even say a moderate plan like this is best for women too. 

Post # 6
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would agree with previous posters that a moderate plan is best, except what you just described is barely a plan. He sounds like he doesn’t want to change at all.

He should eat three healthy meals a day and snack on fruits and veggies, low fat cheese or yogurt (sugar free, ie plain), nuts (small amounts ie 15 almonds) eat whole grains, and cut down on treats such as fried food, desserts, baked goods, soda, and alcohol. He doesn’t have to eat “bland foods” but he can’t keep doing what he’s doing and just eat a “little less”. It might slow his weight gain but I doubt it will make him lose much.

If he can afford it, he should see a personal trainer and/or nutritionist. Way better coming from them as opposed to you!

Post # 8
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

xtals:  Your FI is  right. Diets don’t work. People almost always quickly gain back the weight they lose. Adopting healthier lifestyle habits that can be maintained will give longer lasting results.

So just by changing a few eating habts and increasing exercise, weight will come off.

Post # 9
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

He doesn’t need to go on a diet, and really most people shouldn’t.  What he should do is make a choice to live a more healthy life.  I limit my junk food not because it makes me fat, but because it’s bad for me, in 8,000 ways.  It actually IS a simple as eat right and exercise.  The single biggest thing a person can do to succeed in any lifestyle change is not to be alone.  I have no idea if you’re overweight, or at your ideal weight, but you can both decide to make this change, to just be healthier, and more active.  If you, and one or two of his friends, can do this with him, and you can all therefore support him,  it will be 1000 times more successful. 

So, a few simple things:

1. Drastically reduce all forms of junk food.

2. When you’re thirsty, drink water – I found I used to drink whatever was tasty, if I was thirsty, because water was boring.  I did two things.  I started learning the difference between being thirsty, and WANTING a beer, or coke, and I started keeping San Pellegrino in the fridge.  It satisfied my desire for something more interesting than flat water, and it also saved me money on beer. 

3. Eat more fruits and vegetables.  Not because he’s on a diet, but because it’s healthy, and what your body need.  It will help him reach a healthy weight, but also just feel better, and more energetic.  And, here is the kicker, he’ll fart less!

4. Find fun ways to be active.  Play soccer. Go hiking. Go biking.  Have athletic sex (jk).  Figure out what you like to do.  You will never continue to do things you hate.

5. Fit in extra activity.  One of the things I tell my athletes is to do stuff while they watch TV.  Do a five minute core workout.  Practice their stick handling.  Do one leg squats.  Practice ring their skates, fit younger kids that need to build hand strength.  Do jumping Jacks through the first commercial break, push ups through the second, sit ups through the third, etc.

6. Substitute air popped popcorn, with real butter, for other salty snacks.  Get bulk popcorn; you can pop it in the microwave, in a paper lunch bag.  Then you can put enough butter on it to get flavour, and however much salt you like (within reason) and there is way less unhealthy crap in it than in chips, or prepackaged microwave popcorn.  It also tastes better.  Another one I do is oven fries – preheat oven to 500, with the baking pan in the oven, blanch the cut potatoes for 2 minutes, toss them with olive oil and coarse salt, then into the hot pan for 10 minutes, turning once.  Gordon Ramsay method I use, and makes great ones, less fatty, is a substantial snack for times when you are legitimately hungry, had the fat and salt flavour, but isn’t full of junk.

7. Don’t be obsessive about it.  If you have a chocolate bar, you have not destroyed the process.  It’s not about denial, it is about moderation.  It’s a change in how you live, but it isn’t your whole life. 

8. Eat breakfast. Even if it’s toast or a muffin.

Start now, and really focus on increased activity, and he will look awesome by the wedding.  Be sure to set a fitting appointment with the the tailor 10 days before the wedding.

Post # 11
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

There’s been a lot of good advice already, so just for a comparison, my DH (6’5) went from 270 to 250 solely adding exercise (no diet change), and recently has gone from 250 to 238 with the diet.  Since your DH is in a comparable situation, the exercise definitely should help.

Only problem is, when you go from completely sedentary to exercising, there’s the risk of injury if you go too hard too fast–so without the diet, he wouldn’t have much of a safety cushion if he needs to stay off a bum knee for 2 weeks, or something like that.

Post # 12
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

PS He needs to exercise more than 3-4 times/week.  Try more like 10+.  Add in those micro workouts I mentioned.  Remember the F.I.T. principal: Frequency, Intensity, Time.  How often you exercise is most important, followed by how hard you go, followed by how long you go at a time.  5-10 minutes, 3 times per day, Werth Sunday off, is a good starting point for deliberate exercise.  Add to that sports, and other active leisure activities (which includes just going for a walk together over watching a movie) and he will see a huge impact.

As to “bland diet food,” yeah why should he eat bland chicken?   And why shouldn’t he eat red meat?   It can be lean, and have flavour.  There’s this thing called seasoning.  Use this as an opportunity to get into cooking together, and finding healthy stuff that’s delicious.  You know what’s amazing? Halibut on ciabatta.  And so on.  Don’t eat diet food eat healthy foods.  Also, roasted vegetables, with a little salt and olive oil, or whatever other seasoning floats your boat, is AWESOME.  Way tastier than steamed.  Raw veggies, also yummy as hell.  Not boring, not diet, not bland, just real, regular, proper food, and a balanced diet.

Again, it truly is as simple as eat right, and exercise.  Motivation, and follow through, are the key reasons for failure.  If you make these types of long term changes, you live a longer, healthier, life, instead of constantly fighting with weight.  Ignore weight. Get healthy, and body weight takes care of itself.

Oh, and lifting weights helps with burning fat, if that’s something he’d enjoy. Unnecessary, but useful.  Just make sure he varies the activity to other forms of exercise of he goes that route. 

Eat right and exercise. One it becomes normal, it’s easy.

Post # 13
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

We were in the same boat before the wedding. DH wanted to lose weight, but didn’t want to diet. He actually lost a decent amount of weight just from eating less. I packed his lunches, made sure to add fruits and veggies for snacks, we had lo-carb dinners (by no means bland at all!) and cut back on the beer drinking nightly. Just switching to a healthier balanced diet can do so much, you don’t realize how unhealthy you may be eating until you switch it up.

Of course exercise will definitely increase his progress, diet really has a lot to do with it. In 3 months he lost almost 20 pounds!

Post # 14
1843 posts
Buzzing bee

Do you do the cooking at home or does he prepare his own meals? 

Eating healthy and even low calorie does NOT have to be bland. Or taste bad.  For example, he can still have a piece of steak twice a week but with a big salad with a fancy home made vinaigrette and a few baby red skin potatoes roasted and sauteed with garlic, onions and peppers.

Or some salmon cooked in a fancy way (min you fancy does not equals complicated) with some asparagus and a small baked potato.  

Some potatoes with chili con carne made w lean beef in a crock pot. Or soft taco or burrito night. 

Lots of tasty options out there! 

For snacks, hummus with pita chips. Roasted cheack peas w garlic, salt, paprika and even tobasco is he likes hot food.  

Yogurt with granola. Low fat, low sugar ice cream. 

I mean, the trick is to always have tasty food at hand. And never wait to get hungry. By the time you are hungry, it is too late and you’ll probably eat anything and everything that is in front of you.  

Post # 15
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

xtals:  I do not support low fat, low sugar versions of things, personally.  If it works fit others, great, but I suspect your FI is like me, and will say “I don’t want fake ice cream.”  I just have I’ve cream less often, and so on.  Also, research shows that diet pop is perceived the same way, by the brain, as regular pop, and so causes the same amount of energy storage in fat.  Aspartame is crazy bad for you, so, diet pop doesn’t help.  Again, I say just have less of the real version. 

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