Post # 1
So here goes. I am an accountant. I save. I budget. I pay my bills. I buy myself treats. It’s easy and it works for me. I dont have any major debt. Financially speaking, for a 26 year old I am super responsible maybe even overly responsible.
The FI is another situation, he just cannot pull it together. He has a decent amount of credit card debt. Makes minimun payments. Does not pay his bills on time. Gets late fees. Has no savings.
He is the love of my life but when I see him throw away unopened letters from his credit card company, I become enraged. I take them out of the trash and read them and they are full of late fees, late payments, etc. We had both agreed our mutual goal is to get out of debt before the wedding. I have to consistentley remind him to pay the cable bill or put 50 bucks towards such and such.
I have tried everything but I do not know how to get through to him. I threaten to take over his finances and he seems ok with it. I feel like I have a son and not a FI. Am I doomed for life or will he start taking this seriously eventually??
Post # 3
My FI could have written that post. I am horrible with money. I have just handed all that responsibility over to FI. I just write a check when he tells me to.
Post # 4
If you’re willing to manage the finances, I would do that immediately. I manage our day-to-day stuff and my fiance does long term stuff. It works well for us because he is bad about remembering to pay the utilities, or other “small” bills because he just forgets about them.
Post # 5
This is a tough one. If you have joint expenses, cc’s, etc you may have to take over to protect yourself.
Is he open to counseling?
Post # 6
You could make up a schedule for him, or at least have access to his account. Also, there is always bill pay and automatic transfers to savings and such. Show him how to set those up, and then he won’t really have to think about paying his bills. Once I showed my dad how to do all that, he loves to pay bills!! My mom loves it too cuz now she doesn’t have to do it, lol.
Post # 7
To be sexist here- if your car wasnt running right who has more expertise fixing it?
Marriage is a team effort- we each go with our strenghts. If he is willing to give you full disclosure with finances- take it and run allll theeee way.
thats my .02
Post # 8
This is a tough one.
On one had you don’t want to just do it all for him but it does need to get done. I would suggest taking things over at this time. Talk to him and maybe try to agree that you will do all the up front work but he still has to at least be willing to stay involved in what is going on and be committed to the plan. Set up a good budget and a plan. Try weekly or monthly meetings to let him know where things stand.
Over time (meaning LONG time) try to hand some small things back over to him. Something like, ok you have an extra $100 in the budget every month. How do you want to handle it.
Getting out of debt is hard but it really just requires committment to a plan. Kudos to you for working at it!
Post # 9
@SoontobeMrsA: Same way.
It’s not that I don’t care, things just always seem to work out. FH is also in finance and it killed him the first time I showed him my credit card statement from nordstroms. It was at that point he basically DID treat me like a child and told me I couldn’t do things like that if I wanted a life with him. Was it harsh? YES, but was it right? Absolutely. We also agreed that he is much better at money and we use the system that he is allowed to open my mail and keep tract of my spending. It helps us both. FH has managed to get me at least 15k out of debt.
Post # 10
@almostmrsbearcub: This would be a deal breaker to me. The issue is not about expertise. It’s not like he’s TRYING to get out of debt but needs help with learning how to set up a budget. The issue is one of maturity and responsibility. If he is THROWING OUT important information from his credit card companies then he has just decided he doesn’t care. He’s just going to deal with whatever happens. I couldn’t share my life with someone who I couldn’t trust to share my finances.
Post # 11
Wow! I feel like we are in similar situations! I am just like you, about to be 26, ofcourse no accountant, but pay bills, on time, responsible, I will die before I am ever charged a late fee! but FI, he never pays rent on time, bills, and like letters will sit on the counter, and I have to fuss in order for him to do it!! Ah drives me insane!! Honestly, the only time we fight is because of bills/finances!! Its not he doesn’t have the money to pay, but he always makes excuses like I don’t have time, I am busy, blah, blah!! He always says take over my finances and you pay and stuff. My aunt (role model for me) always said she did that for her husband bc she wanted to feel in control, just like all us ladies, and now my uncle can’t even balance a check book!! She said don’t ever ever try to take over the bills aspect bc the man get lazy and don’t care no more and you have worry worry and stress and get greys lol Anyways point is I am not taking over the bills, I want him to become responsible and you know learn to that stuff!! AHHHHH!!
Edit: My fiancee is in no debt, he just forgets to pay bills all the time!! Like his rent I have to remind him everyday until he does it!! Drives me insane!!
Post # 12
I see no problem with taking over the bills.
I did and our life is a million times better…. I am just much better at finances than he is. He is better at other things. I don’t see it as a problem at all.
One thing that helped was I got a white board that is a calendar that we keep in the kitchen. That way I KNOW FI will see it. Each time we get a bill I put down when its due and how much, doing so eliminates the “opps I forgot to pay that surprises”
Post # 13
Another vote for taking over both your finances, if you’re both willing. I handed over my my money and bills years ago, and it has made a major difference in our relationship and my credit score. 🙂
Also, I don’t necessarily agree that this situation is about maturity/taking responsibility unless your Fi acts like this in other areas of his life. If he is normally responsible and mature, and it’s just finances he slacks on, it might just be an issue where he feels so overwhelmed or incompetent he’d rather ignore it than address it head on. Of course, if he is really irresponsible in other areas of his life, it might warrant a more serious discussion.
Post # 14
I think you definitely need to take it over ASAP.
HOWEVER, he should realize that he can’t just continue being financial irresponsible, money is always a huge issue in marriages, especially if spouses have vastly different habits.
I’d worry that his lack of motivation shows that he isn’t concerned about debt and doesn’t think it’s an issue that needs to be dealt with. That shows a lack of maturity. If you were taking over finances because you were just more organized that would be fine but you’re needing to do so just to keep him from continuing to go into debt. What’s to stop him from over-spending in the future? Is he irresponsible in other areas of his life?
I think that he needs a wake up call that his actions (financial or otherwise) will effect you BOTH in the future.
Post # 15
Absolutely agree with camrie. I don’t know if it was mentioned yet, but once you’re married, his debt is also your debt and will affect your credit score as well.
Post # 16
I think you should take over the finances but I also think he needs a wake-up call.
His bad debt can prevent you two from getting a loan or other things in the future.
He needs to see it and understand it.