Post # 1
My fiancé and I have lived together for about 2 years, and he’s always been a bit of slob but these last few months it’s been really getting to me. Maybe he’s getting worse, especially when it comes to doing laundry. Just now I was sorting through his pile of clothes in our room (that I’ve already asked him several times to tidy up) and the folded ‘clean’ clothes on the bottom of the pile were literally GROWING MOULD !! He’s not home at the moment (we work opposite shifts) and I’ve just been sitting here having a serious think about whether I should marry him. Okay I know that sounds extreme but this stupid laundry thing has been an ongoing thing for months now. Usually I just do all our washing but on occasion I’ve asked him to hang it out in the morning as he is home during the day when I’m at work. Every time he has ‘forgotten’, or hung it out just before he leaves in the evening so it is still sopping wet when I get home. He’s 27 but acts like a lazy teenager. He does nothing all day, just sits around or stays in bed, and on weekends which is the only time we get to spend together he complains if I suggest we go out for a walk or do anything that involves him moving! So I usually go out and do my own thing. Feels like his laziness is driving us apart. We’ve sat down several times to talk about things and how I feel but nothing has changed. We’ve tried different routines like me doing all my own washing and him doing his, but I ended up caving and just washing all his because he was just wearing dirty smelly clothes!! I would love any advice on what to do next?? I feel more like his nagging mother than his wife to be, it’s really hurting our relationship.
Post # 3
I can relate a bit. My Fiance has gotten a lot better since we’ve lived together, but its still our biggest point of contention. The other day I found this article and sent it to him:
I felt like it summed up my feelings really well. We’re still working on it, and will be for a while I think, but seeing improvement helps.
Post # 4
Thanks for that link, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one dealing with this. I just feel like we’ve tried everything, and it usually ends with him saying “you knew what I’m like before we decided to get married”.. Which implies he isn’t going/willing to change. And I’m starting to rethink our decision to get married! Over laundry!! :-/
Post # 5
It’s not just the laundry though, it’s a lack of respect and a lack of willingness to comprimise. My ex was the same way and he was just a selfish guy. If you dont want to be doing his laundry for the rest of your life (and probably the rest of the chores too) I dont blame you for reconsidering. I dont really have any advice as to how to get him to smarten up (as I said before, I had this problem with my EX), but I sympathize with your situation.
Post # 6
My Boyfriend or Best Friend is the same way with the dishes!!! ARGH!!!
Post # 7
I would suggest some couples counseling. Obviously he’s not understanding how frustrating it has been for you, and maybe there are some things you are not understanding of him. Nagging is never good to have in a relationship, it only leads to resentment (and it seems like you probably know this). A marriage and family therapist can help you both work through this, and learn new ways of communicating that don’t involve nagging. Good Luck!!!
Post # 8
My fiance was the same way! But now whenever he does the dishes or laundry or sweeps, I give him tons of praise and physical… Hum… Rewards 😀
So now he does things without asking because he knows not only does it make me feel good, but he in turn feels good because of the compliments and such I give him!!
Post # 9
My Darling Husband hates doing laundry. He’d let it pile high, high, high before doing it when single. Now he pretty much expects me to do it especially because I work from home. What I usually tell him is something like this “Hey the laundry is crazy and needs to be done. I can either work on laundry or scrub the shower as the shower is starting to grow fuzz.” He immediately says “I’ll scrub the shower!”.
If he expected me to do both, then I wouldn’t have married him. A husband is supposed to add value to your life. If he isn’t doing that, then I suggest not marrying him.
Post # 10
Totally agree with PP about some counseling. I went to a counselor once that asked what chores my husband and I did…I told her we shared them. She said that was a big no-no b/c who’s to blame when it doesn’t get done? Not that you should blame but still…she said to make a list of all the chores and check off the things we each liked/hated to do…the hated ones we compromised who would do them. It also gave us each a way to show the other “love and appreciation” by doing the other’s chores if we wanted to…and honestly, it worked. Never thought it would b/c we were a 50/50 couple.
Post # 11
I really appreciate the support. I had a big talk with him last night and once again nutted out my feelings to him and tried to make it clear how serious I am this time. At first he was taking it like I was over reacting but once he realised I’m actually upset/concerned about this I think it hit home. He’s promised to make more of an effort. If nothing changes over the next little while I will definitely look into councelling, I think that’s good advice. Because capergrrl is right: it’s more than just laundry.
Post # 12
If the laundry is the only thing he’s being lazy on, then I’d just let it go. Everyone has *some* bad habit, lazy trait, or whatever that will drive their partner up the wall if the partner lets it. For my guy, it’s leaving wet towels on the floor after he showers. But if it’s just one thing, it might be worth accepting. I don’t want to fight over wet towels. I don’t want to go to counseling over wet towels. I just remember as I’m hanging them up that he always carries in the groceries (to the point that he’ll have 7 big bags and I’ll have zero… lol he says my job is to open the front door and that his woman doesn’t carry heavy groceries).
Adults (men and women both) tend to be already set in their habits, and the laundry thing might just never happen. Putting too much of a focus on it isn’t good for the relationship.
If it’s more systemic than just laundry, though, counseling might be a good choice for you!