(Closed) My FI must think I’m a monster or something

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Ugh that really stinks 🙁

I would definitely tell him why you are so upset. Maybe he will tell you to save the painting for a time when he is home 🙁

Post # 4
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

ps. its really important he starts now telling you things right away- not matter how you will react, because you don’t want him going through marriage afraid to share things w. you- have a talk with him.. A calm one, even though you are upset with him right now

Post # 5
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Why do guys do this? “I didn’t tell you because I knew you would be mad.”

I have tried to start using a technique I invented. It’s called…wait, are you ready? paying attention? ok, here goes…it’s called “PAUSE.”

This might not be applicable here, but I tent to get really mad very quickly…esp with FI. So I am using this new PAUSE technique to modify what I want to say and my tone of voice.

I also use this other technique that my therapist taught me:

“I feel A when you B because it makes me think C.”

Ex. I feel hurt and disrespected when you keep things from me, because it makes me think that you don’t want to share things with me, and in this case, don’t value my work time.

Or something like that.

Painting sucks though, I hate it! Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would be upset too 🙁

Sorry you are stuck painting alone, maybe he will help when he gets back?

Post # 9
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@KT I might need to use this PAUSE technique myself…

honeybear- I’m sorry he’s leaving you high and dry this weekend.  Are your mom/dad/siblings/friends available this weekend – maybe they can help out? I know it isn’t the same as painting your new house together with your FI, but at least you wouldn’t need to do it by yourself.

Post # 11
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Lol, I’m kinda in biotch mode tonight, but I wouldn’t do it. There is no way in hell I would spend the weekend painting a house by MYSELF because my FI was at a party he didn’t tell me about.

It just wouldn’t get done until he was ready to do it as a team.

Post # 13
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Yes! ATX all the way! Have a margarita or 2 at El Arroyo for me!

Post # 14
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I had another thought. Maybe he forgot about the party (my FI forgets about things all the time), then remembered, then knew he was screwing you over but didn’t know how to tell you, so got on the defensive saying he knew YOU would be mad. Maybe. Just a thought.

Good idea to go party in Austin after getting some painting done though. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

That’s not right…he shouldn’t have kept that from you! Who is this bachelor party for? A very close friend? I’m not one to usually tell somebody not to do something, but that’s totally unfair that you have to paint while he parties the whole weekend. How far away is it? Can he just go for one day? I would be furious. This is YOUR house together..you shouldn’t have to do all the painting.

Do you have a friend who could help you paint? Or family member?  Just don’t paint while drinking any margaritas. Imagine what he results would be. LOL  Try to have fun!!!

Post # 16
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Omg my FI has totally done this to me before. NOT COOL.

Sorry you have to deal with this!!

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