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Smart man. The big difference is that he is not kissing, hugging or holding his patients in ER.
I do think it's a little silly because you're most contagious the first three days if anything. Sorry you're feeling sick and obviously lonely. I hope you feel better soon!
@julies1949: He doesn't HAVE to do all those things with her. He could spend some quality time with her while keeping his distance.
I would be very offended. What happened to in sickness and in health? This is when you need him the most!
@are_you_serious: What are you sick with? FI and I live together and we passed it back and forth about 5 times... it wa bad.
*raises hand*
That's totally me and FI too. I get it though, he was a premi and his lungs are no good, he gets sick very easily. Plus his bout with cancer years ago had an effect on his immune system.
When he's sick, I go over and take care of him. But that's cuz I don't care if I get sick lol!
I'm sorry you're feeling yucky. Hugs your way!
What happens when you live together? He gets a hotel room??
You bet I would be pissed.
I think it's even more ridiculous because he spends his days surrounded by sick people. It's not like you're asking him to come over for a hot make out session so you can pass on your germs.
I avoid my husband when he's sick. Nothing personal, just neither of us like to be touched when sick. Give me orange juice and a Tylenol PM and leave me alone please!
My man and I have done the same. For literally 5 weeks we passed it back and forth. As soon as one person started to get over it, the other would start getting ill again. I was so over it by week 3.
I don't think it's totally crazy of him to stay away while he's working at the hospital, to be honest.
It wouldn't be good of him to bring something even worse home and then give it to you whilst your immunity was already down!
I think anyone who works in a place where there's a lot of contact with others should a)stay home when sick and b)avoid sick people so they don't spread the germs!
A few months ago, someone asked whether people kissed their SOs when they were sick. I was stunned that the majority said they did. I hate sore throats...why would I want to expose Mr. Mink to getting one if I'm suffering with one myself?
I stay away from DH like the plague when he's sick and he does the same with me. When we didn't live together we'd always wait to visit. "In sickness and in health" mean serious illness to me. Not a stomach bug or bad cold that will cause me to stay home from work. I don't get paid sick days so it's just not worth it to us :) I wouldn't take it personally. As long as you're able to move around and make meals for yourself then he isn't leaving you in a bind.
@are_you_serious: Med students are notorious hypochondriacs. He would be way more insufferable if he came to see you and then did catch whatever you have, whether it was from you or elsewhere, or managed to convince himself he did.
My hubby doesn't stay away from me when I'm sick, but the lucky skunk gets nearly unlimited sick days so it's no skin off his back if he does catch what I've got!
My FI still kisses and hugs me when I am sick, but understands that I can't do the same. I get everything much worse than he does. We would never not visit each other though, just not be too smoochy! What is your FI planning to do when you are married?? Stay in a hotel?
Did he at least send you some sweet messages and maybe some soup??
@julies1949: That's true about him not hugging or kissing his patients. I would be happy with him visiting me and keeping a distance though (but knowing him, he wouldn't be able to do that lol)
@gogogiraffes: i just have a really bad cold.
@Bunnygirl: He checked up on me via text message a few times and told me which drugs to take to feel better. So I guess he's sweet in his own hypochondraic kind of way lol.
You guys have made some really good points. I'm usually pretty understanding but I didn't leave the house for the entire weekend and the sickness/boredom/loneliness made me feel a little bit crazy. I hardly ever get sick thank goodness. Fi was going to come over last night but first he made me list my symptoms to determine if I was still contagious. Then he decided not to come over. Oh well, I still love him even though he's avoiding me like the plague. 
Yeah, I grew up with an ER doctor for a dad. If I was sick he wouldn't even be in the same room as myself without freaking out. Although when he was around he told be everything I could possibly have just to get to me. If I had a cold it was nose cancer. Maybe it's better your FI isn't around.... ;-)
In seriousness though, I'd let him skate while you aren't living together this once...it's probably less stressful for him and you don't want him to get sick either...but obiviously that will change once you're married. We made a serious effort to not use the same towels if anyone was sick in the house and washed our hands regularly. Tell him to bring some masks home from work, but he has to wear them if he is paranoid, not you....
My husband and I don't touch one another when we're sick as well. I personally don't want my husband to catch what I have and I don't want to be sick just because he is. I think it's just a curtosey to not touch someone when you're sick but that's just me. I also don't touch people when they are sick. My BIL loves to hug and I refuse to touch him over Christmas cuz he was sick. he insist that he was not contagious anymore but everyone else he touched that weekend ended up being sick.
I wouldn't take it personally. Plus you said that he can't be sick so it just sounds smart to me.
When one of us is sick, we'll cook for the other and bring meds and fluids, but there is no exchange of bodily fluids. Kisses are on the cheek only, and that's it! FI knows that I don't like to be touched when I'm sick, and if he tries, he gets swatted lol.
I also feel the need to point out that you have a tendancy to build up your immune system as a general rule to the bugs you are regularly exposed to at work. I'm a nurse and get exposed to many nasty bugs, etc, but there is personal protective equipment that you use when around someone who is sick, or contagious such as gloves, masks, gowns, etc. that he doesn't have at home. Also get me near a sick kid, and bam I'm out of the count with a nasty cold, cause I don't have immunity to those bugs as I'm not a parent and not around kids as much.
That being said, I can understand how you feel, it stinks when you're sick and your SO won't visit you or help take care of you. And as other posters said, what does he plan on doing when you are married?
@are_you_serious: I'm horrible, but I am that way. When I am sick my FI takes care of me because he is NEVER sick! When he sneezes I run far away and I still come down with it.
I'm pretty sure I was born without an immune system :\
Anyways, as bad as it is, I can't blame him. I guess as a med student he can always come over with a mask and some gloves and then shower afterwards?
I would be offended if he wouldn't even come over to keep me company, but I wouldn't blame him for not touching you or anything else around you. My DH is usually the one to get sick, and we don't kiss or touch. I also follow him around like a crazy person with the chlorox wipes sanitizing any surface he touches, and then I wash my hands like 5 times. If you avoid touching your face with the germs and the sick person doesn't breath in your face, you should be good.
I agree with PPs. I would be pissed if my FI did this- but yours is in the hospital everyday, and he can't expose himself to your germs. It still sucks, but this is what you signed up for.
As my FI and i both are lying in bed right now... sick as can be... I think your FI is smart. We live together so we can't avoid being around one another... but we always get sick together. It sucks.
Although with him working in a hospital, I kind of understand the limited contact, but to not come over at all? I'd be pissed.
Not coming over at all is a little extreme. Unless he has a medical condition like a PP mentioned that caused him to have a really weak immune system, then I don't get it. When my FI or I are sick we can't really avoid eachother. We live together, but we try to give eachother space. Don't share food/drinks, no kisses, things like that. But I wouldnt leave the house completely!!
Um, when FI and I didn't live together, he came over to take care of me while I was sick. So, I'd be annoyed too!
I don't blame him. If he's a med student, I'm sure he can't afford to take sick time.
And as a PP said, those who work in hospitals and doctors offices build up a natural immunity to those bugs because they are exposed to them all the time. But he may still bring the bugs home to you or bring your bugs to the hospital, neither of which are good.
@are_you_serious: My Fiance is sick right now and we share an apartment. I don't want a lot of contact with him right now b/c I'm prone to illness and he doesn't take being ill very well. He's not very kind in that he won't cover his mouth, leaves his facial tissue laying around, and won't wash his hands on a regular basis (I wash mine a lot more than most people).
You can’t really blame him for not wanting to get sick. When DH is sick I try to steer clear of him as much as possible. Of course that’s tough when you share a roof but we try to take whatever precautions we can. Even with preventative measures we still tend to swap our illnesses back and forth. If he’s sick, I’ll undoubtedly catch it towards the end of his miserable stage. Then when I’m close to feeling better, he’ll get it again. It’s annoying and it makes for a very irritable household.
I’d estimate that more than half of the time when either of us gets sick it’s because we caught it from someone at work (we work for the same company). We’re not snuggling or kissing our co-workers but we are forced to be in a conference room with them and use the same bathrooms. When you’re sick, your germs are in the air and on everything you touch. Illnesses like the common cold are not just caught by swapping spit.
When you work in the medical profession, you have to take extra care of yourself. Someone who works in an office is a jerk for coming to work sick but the worst damage they’re going to do is pass it off on one of their presumably healthy co-workers. Bringing an illness into a hospital, especially when you have constant contact with patients, is really irresponsible. My best friend is a nurse and she cannot go to work if she’s sick (she’ll be sent home). She deals with patients with weak immune systems who can’t risk catching a cold. I’d assume that your FI is probably in a similar boat. I get that it’s sucky that you can’t see him but the sooner you get better, the sooner you can.
I had a similar experience, and I was LIVID! Let me backtrack by saying...About 4 years ago, my now SO and I broke up for a year. During that time, I dated a guy who bought a house on the beach, had a salary of WELL over 100k a year, and was supposedly "all about taking care of me". I was staying at his house 4-5 nights a week, and the relationship moved very quickly. We dated for exactly 1 year.
I never had the flu before, and one day after work I arrived at his house feeling like garbage. He refused to go near me, and defended himself saying the same thing about not being able to miss work. I asked him what he'd do if we lived together, how he'd feel if I ignored him. He had no answer, and so I drove 45 minutes from his new beach house to my parents house. Oh yeah, I had a 103.2 fever also...totally dizzy and miserable. My mom called this boyfriend and reemed him out...we broke up about a month later, but this was just 1 of the many things that was intolerable. Everyone knows a man would want to be taken care of if they were sick...why do they think it's different for us?? I'm sorry for your situation :(
@WantToBeM.E.: "Everyone knows a man would want to be taken care of if they were sick"
Definitely not true. DH doesn't want anyone near him or anyone doting on him when he is sick. I'm largely the same way - make sure I'm comfortable, have my meds, food, drink if I need them, and then leave me alone to rest.
Oh, we treat each other the same when we are sick as when we are not sick, and we usually pass colds back and forth. We both like attention when we are sick.
I would definitely make my bummed-out-ness known. LOL
Sure, it's smart of him to stay away, but like you said, he's around plenty of sick people all day. Like PPs have said, he doesn't have to make out w/you... but a visit would be nice. He could come over & watch a movie w/you! It's easier to be lonely when you're sick.
When my SO & I weren't living together, he once drove four hours to spend a weekend w/me, even knowing I was sickly. I didn't expect it or even ask for it, so it was extra awesome. You make sacrifices for the ones you care about.
If you still consider him to be a thoughtful guy, though, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I'd only really let it bother me it just seemed like he didn't like spending much time w/me. I'm sure that's not the case here. :-)
I see this two ways:
1. He is your FI -- (man you are about to marry) and he won't be around you because you are sick. What is he going to do when he is your husband and you get sick???? Quarantine you from the rest of the house! UM. NO!
2. He is a Busy man and just doesn't want to ge ill from your germs... then again if he deals with sick people everyday.... you'd think he would seize the opporunity to come over and show you HOW HE CAN TOO TAKE CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU ARE SICKLY!
LOTS TO THINK ABOUT
My boyfriend at the time now my husband knew I was sick... took a trip to the city I lived in and took care of me, he took me out, to Walgreens (where I felt awful and he spoke with the pharmacist for me), he helped me out of the car, made me eat to build strength, and caught me downing pepto-bismol in the aisle at Walgreens.... but it showed me THIS MAN will take care of me when I am sick and truly care for me as his wife.
I have to side with your guy here, especially since he's working in a place full of sick people who most likely have lowered immune systems. Your actual diagnosis and course of antibiotics/anti-infectives this far determine how contagious you actually are. So if he picks anything up from you, he has the potentional to pass it along to patients which is the exact opposite of why he's there.
Its sucky being alone when you're sick so I understand how you feel but being in the medical field myself, I totally understand where he's coming from too.
My husband avoids me at ALL costs while i'm sick...it's obnoxious!
Married to a physician, and I'm a therapist who has a number of clients with immune-system issues.
If my husband and I could avoid each other when sick, we *totally* would. It's not just about each of us catching what the other has (which we do, and is not a big deal because we're both healthy), it's about each of us exposing our patients to whatever the other one has (which we try very hard not do, and would be a big deal for many of our patients). We both make sure to get the flu vaccine every year and do our best not to bring the other one down.
Seriously, if you're marrying a doctor, you need to start thinking about the effect *your* health has on *his patients*. He's swearing an oath to do his best to keep them healthy; your lifestyle necessarily becomes a part of that.
Aww, I'm sorry. My ex used to do that (only one of the many many reasons he's my ex). My fiance is an emergency room RN though, and has a really good immune system, so he takes care of me when I'm whiney and sick.
I'm not doing anything for a while though, come over to my house and I'll make you some chicken noodle soup and put you up on my couch with some How I Met Your Mother! ;)
Aww, I'm sorry. My ex used to do that (only one of the many many reasons he's my ex). My fiance is an emergency room RN though, and has a really good immune system, so he takes care of me when I'm whiney and sick.
I'm not doing anything for a while though, come over to my house and I'll make you some chicken noodle soup and put you up on my couch with some How I Met Your Mother! ;)
Edit: Stupid post wouldn't go through the first time and I can't delete it now.. sorry!
MY FI is a resident and when I’m sick I refuse to kiss or hug him then he gets offended. I jut like knowing he doesn’t care when I’m sick and still takes care of me and makes me feel loved
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I usually post under a different username but I want to rant anonymously...
I have been sick since Thursday and my FI doesn't want to come over to see me while I'm still "contagious". That's right, he called me "contagious"!. I try to be understanding because he's a med student and he's doing placement and can't afford to take any sick days. However, the part that bugs me is that he's doing he's placement in the ER of a hospital that is FULL of sick people.
Is it wrong for me to feel somewhat offended? Does anyone else have a FI who stays away from them when they're ill? Ughhhh....