Post # 1
“Weddings are kind of like funerals. Nobody WANTS to go to them, but you kinda have to.”
Yeah, my jaw dropped.
He said this last night while we were getting ready for bed and casually discussing the logistics of a few upcoming weddings (who would drive, when we should leave, how much money to give).
He seemed sort of down in the dumps, so I asked him what was wrong, and he shrugged and gave ^ THAT response, then sort of laughed.
I am still, like, speechless. Why the HELL would ANYBODY SAY THAT?!?! We have a few weddings coming up in the next few months for friends of ours and actually had a conversation a few weeks ago about how cool and exciting it was going to be to see all these people get married and get to hang out with our friends.
Now my fiance isn’t really crazy about dressing up or dancing and he has a little bit of social anxiety, so I can see how those might be contributing factors but … really? To compare a wedding to a funeral?!?!?!
And he assured me weeks ago that he was excited about these weddings! And he’s been very vocal and opinionated and VERY excited when discussing and planning OUR wedding.
He’s not the typical egotistical, macho “marriage = game over” kind of guy. In fact, HE’S the one that brought up marriage and committement first in our relationship! And a lot of times HE brings up our wedding in conversations. So I have no idea where this comment came from.
Should I be worried about this? Do you guys think there’s some “deeper” meaning behind what he said? Or should I just forget about it and chalk it up to one of those idiotic, clueless “man moments?”
I seriously don’t know whether to laugh or cry!
Post # 3
My husband said the same thing about holding other people’s babies, you don’t really want to hold them but you do it to be nice. I’m pregnant with our second child right now so I know it’s not that he doesn’t love babies or anything, that’s just his opinion on one tiny thing that has no effect on anything else. You can’t take things like that to heart, otherwise you’ll drive yourself crazy looking for a deeper meaning that isn’t actually there.
He probably means you have to sit in church, dress up, spend money, it’s all kind of time consuming and done out of obligation. That’s his opinion, oh well. It doesn’t mean he’s not excited to marry you. Don’t analyze.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Ha! I’m laughing, thinking “oh, he’s such a boy.” I agree with KaryElle, don’t analyze what he said.
I know there are parts of our wedding that FI is not looking forward to. The religious parts of our ceremony. Having to dance with his Mom (if I didn’t know how much it would mean to her, I’d suggest we cut it out.) Having to dance with me (until the end of the night, when his beers have kicked in.)
And he has a point- weddings and funerals are family reunions, of sorts- you have to have a really good reason not to attend. And most men don’t want to attend either of them.
Post # 5
Yeah, I almost kind of agree with him. I’ve always heard others complain about having to go to someone’s wedding. They always did because they saw it as disrespectful if they didn’t RSVP or go.
Post # 6
I’m totally the person who hates going to weddings. My own, I am deluded enough to think EVERYONE will want to go, but, frankly, I hate dressing up, dancing, having to figure out who is DD, where we will stay, how much money to put in the card, etc.
Am I happy my friends are getting married? Hell yeah! I just don’t want to have to go.
I wouldn’t be offended. Just take it as I am– he doesn’t like anyones wedding but his own and close family.
Post # 7
Not unusual, I sometimes feel that way myself.
Post # 8
@Stace126: Yep, thats basically how I feel at least half of the time.
Post # 9
aw, it sounds like he thought he was just being funny. I wouldnt read too much into it.
Post # 10
I have to agree a bit. We are Baptists so no dancing at weddings.. period. So we have the ceremony, then eat, and it’s over… Kinda boring.
Post # 11
He’s probably just talking about the whole dress up, sit quietly in church, be all formal and make small talk all night… I find guys have a tendancy to make REALLY bad analogies, they see some similarities (facts, numbers) and bingo, it’s totally the same, where girls will see other similarities (feeling, ambiance) and kinda of go “WHAT?!?!” If he seems genuinely excited about your wedding he’s probably just complaining about stuffiness and being expected to make small talk with a bunch of people, especially if it causes him anxiety.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t read much into it. I completely agree with him. I detest going to weddings. I’m always terribly bored, usually hot (I live in the South, and people love hot summer weddings), and they’re always expensive. Plus, I hate being obligated to do things (especially on my days off), but I’m obligated to go to some weddings or everyone will think I’m a horrible person. This doesn’t mean I’m not happy for my friends/family who are getting married. I just dislike the actual event. I would never tell the couple this stuff, but I do confide in my DH (who feels the same way). I’m sure that’s all he was trying to do.
Post # 13
@Stace126: Haha, mine would have said the same thing. I think he was just being a typical guy. I’d shrug it off, don’t take it seriously. They feel the same way about babies, like KatyElle said.
Post # 14
I’m also not a wedding person. Yet, here I am… planning a big, traditional-ish one! It actually really helped our planning because I didn’t want to have the wedding feel that I dislike so much (regular ol’ banquet hall, poor food, music I dislike, impersonal ceremony). So I made our decisions based off of that.
Maybe ask your FI what he doesn’t like about weddings and it can help you too!
Post # 15
@Rouquine: @takemyhand: agreed!
I’ve actually said that myself. I was with a group of friends and we all agreed about that too…
Post # 16
I’m sorry but your story made me laugh just because I know my fiance would say the exact same thing. You pretty much just have to ignore it, at least I do, because if I got worked up over every negative thing that my fiance said about our wedding or friends’ weddings I would be a mess. I think it’s just a typical guy thing…