My fiancé broke off our engagement due to wedding pressure and us fighting

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’my sorry you’re going through this, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now. It’s too bad that your fiancé is having a hard time dealing with his mom, but I will say that if her opinion can cause him such turmoil, then he probably isn’t ready for marriage to begin with. Nothing my parents say could cause me to turn my back on my fiancé like that. I suspect if you two were to get married, his mom would be a continuing issue. If he won’t even communicate with you then I’m not sure how this can be fixed.

Post # 3
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

There isn;t a single thing anyone in our families could do that would cause Mr. LK to not speak to me for a week. If your FI is responding like this, he’s not ready to be husband material. i know that is a bitter pill to swaqllow, and you have every right to feel as sad/angry/bitter/etc. as you do. But don’t wait around to see if he will change his mind. You don’t want to be with someone who won’t fight tooth and nail for you and your relationship.

Post # 4
Member
7781 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

If he can’t stand as a united front to his mom re: wedding planning then he would make a crummy spineless husband. Wedding planning can be stressful, but not nearly as much as real life. I see the wedding process as a stress litmus test and he fails. I’m sorry your hurting bee but don’t marry him even if he comes back crawling. When things get hard he’ll cut and run.

Post # 5
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m sorry, but what a baby! Are you kidding me?? Can you imagine facing job loss, morgages, babies, and LIFE with a guy that gets headaches from mommy and co.? He sounds selfish.

I say take this space to think of what your idea of a man and partner is: how they handle stress, how they support you in life, how they nurture and care for your relationship. Then compare it to what he can offer you. If they don’t align thank him in the long-run for being such a wimpy wuss. 

Post # 6
Member
6566 posts
Bee Keeper

He sounds weak and mentally unstable. I would be thinking twice about marriage to this person  if I were you. 

Post # 7
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

simmypet: I’m sorry you’re hurting and let’s focus on you. He’s not worth the time or energy. 

You dodged a bullet and you deserve More. I know you love him, but does he deserve it? You deserve a partner who will stand with you in the face of stress. 

Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. You are amazing and deserving of love and it doesn’t look like no contact. 

Post # 8
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

Icoffeedrinker:  I’m sorry, but what a baby! Are you kidding me?? Can you imagine facing job loss, morgages, babies, and LIFE with a guy that gets headaches from mommy and co.?

+1,000

 

simmypet:  After four years together he goes AWOL for a week because his mom stressed him out? Next, next, next! He sounds like a mama’s boy. 

Edited to add: I’m sorry you’re hurting! Please take good care of yourself!

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  .
Post # 9
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

Have you noticed this kind of behavior in him before? Was he going untreated for anxiety or depression or anything like that? It sounds odd that this is his first outburst of this kind after four years. I’d be so shocked and hurt! 

 

Post # 10
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

lovekiss:  

I agree. I understand wedding plans causing panic but not a break up. 

Men who run away at the first sign of trouble do not make good partners. 

I once dated a guy who hung up on me just because I was crying about my father having cancer. I stopped seeing him because it was clear that he was a cold and selfish prick. 

Post # 11
Member
2118 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Sigh. I’m sorry to say I agree with PPs. If he can’t stand up to his mother during the wedding planning process then your guy is not ready to be a good husband. A good husband puts his wife before his mother. A good partner presents a united front with you to the outside world (including mommy dearest). A mature man would say “mom, simmypet and I have decided to do this instead.” And then not budge from there. An immature man will say “simmypet please, let’s just do what my mom says/wants ok?” An immature man will say “I can’t be with you simmypet because our relationship creates problems with my relationship with my mom.” 

Let me emphasize the fact that we’re not saying that he’s a bad PERSON. He’s probably a great person and he might have even made a great boyfriend. However, if you want a husband then this guy is either not ready for that more mature role or he is incapable (due to previous emotional growth stunting based in his relationship with his mother) of providing the support a wife would need because he already fulfills that role for another woman, namely his mother.

I understand that you may be absolutely floored and in a state of suspended disbelief because there’s no way the person you were with for 4 years would EVER do something like break off an engagement and not answer your desperate calls for a week. However, you need to understand that the circumstances surrounding the wedding planning process UNEARTHED/revealed/brought to light something in him that was already there, but had probably never had cause to come out. And honey, a man that can’t stand up to his mother, a man that doesn’t defend his fiancée, a man that won’t take your calls after HE broke off the engagement even though he claims to love you…is more of a boy than a man. And it’s a really bad idea to be in a relationship with a boy when you’re a woman. 

“Ex-FI as much as it hurts me I’ve realized that you’re not ready for marriage. That doesn’t make you a bad person, it just doesn’t make you someone I’d want to be with. I want and need to be with someone for whom I’ll be their first priority. I want and need someone whom I know will have my back. I want someone who will fight tooth and nail for me and to be with me. In return I would do the same for him. I may love you even now but I also love myself and being in this relationship is not an act of self-love anymore since neither one of us is getting what we need from this. I hope you understand that your actions have led me to reAlize that I can’t marry you because I don’t trust you anymore. Be well.”

Virtual hugs to you (((((simmypet)))))

Post # 12
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

Hang in there, I’m so sorry!  Take care of yourself first.

Post # 13
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

Stop reaching out to him.  When he does contact you, which I’m sure he will, I would consider giving him back the ring and telling him to hold on to it until he is strong enough to be there for you consistently without running away when things get hard.  I also think you should really consider if he is the right guy for you.  Will he leave again the next time you disagree about something or he has to make a life decision?  It’s too much.  Instead of working towards solutions with you, he’s alienating you and hurting you.  He knows that this is hurtful behavior, there is no way he doesn’t know this.

Post # 14
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

i am sorry this happened, but it doesn’t sound like he is ready for marriage.

Post # 15
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

That’s so sad! I agree with PPs in that that’s not a valid reason or excuse, but has he had tendencies like this before? Is he regularly unable to cope with stress? If so, then you should pick yourself up and move on. BUT if he has been stable through other stressful times and this is a form of cold feet (and he’s really really sorry), then try counseling before sealing the deal. Good luck!

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