Post # 1
Hi all, I’m so broken. My fiancé and I were so happy when we got engaged. We started planning our wedding but then the stress and expectation from his mother for a big wedding got to us. We decided to scale down and she got so upset.
Due to this he got panick attacks and got real sick. He broke off our engagement, said he needed time to get physically and mentally better. He developed chronic headaches.
He asked me to respect him and give him time. This has been hard, I called him twice and he answered saying his still not well. This weekend I just wanted to hear his voice, he didn’t answer or return my messages.
All I am hanging onto is the fact that he didn’t change our Facebook status and whatsapp picturs. His mom is an issue, I love and miss him and feel asif I’m going mad.
Its been a week without seeing him. I feel miserable. After almost 4 years, did he just move on?
Post # 2
I’my sorry you’re going through this, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now. It’s too bad that your fiancé is having a hard time dealing with his mom, but I will say that if her opinion can cause him such turmoil, then he probably isn’t ready for marriage to begin with. Nothing my parents say could cause me to turn my back on my fiancé like that. I suspect if you two were to get married, his mom would be a continuing issue. If he won’t even communicate with you then I’m not sure how this can be fixed.
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
There isn;t a single thing anyone in our families could do that would cause Mr. LK to not speak to me for a week. If your FI is responding like this, he’s not ready to be husband material. i know that is a bitter pill to swaqllow, and you have every right to feel as sad/angry/bitter/etc. as you do. But don’t wait around to see if he will change his mind. You don’t want to be with someone who won’t fight tooth and nail for you and your relationship.
Post # 4
If he can’t stand as a united front to his mom re: wedding planning then he would make a crummy spineless husband. Wedding planning can be stressful, but not nearly as much as real life. I see the wedding process as a stress litmus test and he fails. I’m sorry your hurting bee but don’t marry him even if he comes back crawling. When things get hard he’ll cut and run.
Post # 5
I’m sorry, but what a baby! Are you kidding me?? Can you imagine facing job loss, morgages, babies, and LIFE with a guy that gets headaches from mommy and co.? He sounds selfish.
I say take this space to think of what your idea of a man and partner is: how they handle stress, how they support you in life, how they nurture and care for your relationship. Then compare it to what he can offer you. If they don’t align thank him in the long-run for being such a wimpy wuss.
Post # 6
He sounds weak and mentally unstable. I would be thinking twice about marriage to this person if I were you.
Post # 7
simmypet: I’m sorry you’re hurting and let’s focus on you. He’s not worth the time or energy.
You dodged a bullet and you deserve More. I know you love him, but does he deserve it? You deserve a partner who will stand with you in the face of stress.
Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. You are amazing and deserving of love and it doesn’t look like no contact.
Post # 8
Icoffeedrinker: I’m sorry, but what a baby! Are you kidding me?? Can you imagine facing job loss, morgages, babies, and LIFE with a guy that gets headaches from mommy and co.?
simmypet: After four years together he goes AWOL for a week because his mom stressed him out? Next, next, next! He sounds like a mama’s boy.
Edited to add: I’m sorry you’re hurting! Please take good care of yourself!
Post # 9
Have you noticed this kind of behavior in him before? Was he going untreated for anxiety or depression or anything like that? It sounds odd that this is his first outburst of this kind after four years. I’d be so shocked and hurt!
Post # 10
I agree. I understand wedding plans causing panic but not a break up.
Men who run away at the first sign of trouble do not make good partners.
I once dated a guy who hung up on me just because I was crying about my father having cancer. I stopped seeing him because it was clear that he was a cold and selfish prick.
Post # 11
Sigh. I’m sorry to say I agree with PPs. If he can’t stand up to his mother during the wedding planning process then your guy is not ready to be a good husband. A good husband puts his wife before his mother. A good partner presents a united front with you to the outside world (including mommy dearest). A mature man would say “mom, simmypet and I have decided to do this instead.” And then not budge from there. An immature man will say “simmypet please, let’s just do what my mom says/wants ok?” An immature man will say “I can’t be with you simmypet because our relationship creates problems with my relationship with my mom.”
Let me emphasize the fact that we’re not saying that he’s a bad PERSON. He’s probably a great person and he might have even made a great boyfriend. However, if you want a husband then this guy is either not ready for that more mature role or he is incapable (due to previous emotional growth stunting based in his relationship with his mother) of providing the support a wife would need because he already fulfills that role for another woman, namely his mother.
I understand that you may be absolutely floored and in a state of suspended disbelief because there’s no way the person you were with for 4 years would EVER do something like break off an engagement and not answer your desperate calls for a week. However, you need to understand that the circumstances surrounding the wedding planning process UNEARTHED/revealed/brought to light something in him that was already there, but had probably never had cause to come out. And honey, a man that can’t stand up to his mother, a man that doesn’t defend his fiancée, a man that won’t take your calls after HE broke off the engagement even though he claims to love you…is more of a boy than a man. And it’s a really bad idea to be in a relationship with a boy when you’re a woman.
“Ex-FI as much as it hurts me I’ve realized that you’re not ready for marriage. That doesn’t make you a bad person, it just doesn’t make you someone I’d want to be with. I want and need to be with someone for whom I’ll be their first priority. I want and need someone whom I know will have my back. I want someone who will fight tooth and nail for me and to be with me. In return I would do the same for him. I may love you even now but I also love myself and being in this relationship is not an act of self-love anymore since neither one of us is getting what we need from this. I hope you understand that your actions have led me to reAlize that I can’t marry you because I don’t trust you anymore. Be well.”
Virtual hugs to you (((((simmypet)))))
Post # 12
Hang in there, I’m so sorry! Take care of yourself first.
Post # 13
Stop reaching out to him. When he does contact you, which I’m sure he will, I would consider giving him back the ring and telling him to hold on to it until he is strong enough to be there for you consistently without running away when things get hard. I also think you should really consider if he is the right guy for you. Will he leave again the next time you disagree about something or he has to make a life decision? It’s too much. Instead of working towards solutions with you, he’s alienating you and hurting you. He knows that this is hurtful behavior, there is no way he doesn’t know this.
Post # 14
i am sorry this happened, but it doesn’t sound like he is ready for marriage.
Post # 15
That’s so sad! I agree with PPs in that that’s not a valid reason or excuse, but has he had tendencies like this before? Is he regularly unable to cope with stress? If so, then you should pick yourself up and move on. BUT if he has been stable through other stressful times and this is a form of cold feet (and he’s really really sorry), then try counseling before sealing the deal. Good luck!