My fiancé did not get anything for our two year anniversary

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

Counseling?  For what?  For only this instance or for other issues that you guys have?

I can see being kind of hurt but if everything else is ok between you two just consider this a hiccup.  I’m only 5 months into our marriage but I can’t imagine getting upset if my husband didn’t do anything.   He loves me, he’s kind to me, we laugh every day.  I know he’s not a bad guy.

I’m sorry your hurt but you might be overreacting.

Post # 4
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

Is he a good man and someone that you believe loves you and is happy to be married to you?

Is this the most serious need you’ve had, so far in the relationship, that has not been met?

Post # 5
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

ruphiolis:  ohh 🙁 I can understand how you feel completely. Ok so he didn’t have any money, but he could have picked you wild flowers or taken you out for a FREE stroll some where nice.

I can understand why you are so hurt, and besides taking a deep breath and trying to tell him calmly why you were upset, I’m not sure what you can do. Because anything he tries to produce now will just be forced and fake.

I’m not sure you need counselling specifically for this, but I’m a great believer in counselling, so if you feel there are issues in your relationship, you should definitely consider it

Post # 6
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

“I want to generally be able to listen to one anothers feelings and thoughts and be able to follow through. Clearly we are having issues with that.”<br /><br />It’s good that you recognize this is a two-way street with compromising expectations. This will be an issue you both have to work towards a resolution with. I dated a guy who didn’t see the importance of gifts. It wasn’t a flaw, it’s just a difference of opinion and routine.

Post # 8
Member
8025 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think in the future, even when it seems obvious, be explicitly clear about expectations for holidays/occasions. 

I am straight up, 2 weeks before “hey babe it’d make me sad to not get flowers on valentines day” . It works out for everyone.

Post # 9
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

ruphiolis:  My then SO didn’t get me anything for our first Valentines or anniversary ( just a card/small item would have Been fine). He has never made that mistake again because he realised how important noting the occasion is to me in some way. my love language is gifts and service and his aren’t so it took him some time to get that it was important to me but now that he does he writes me the most lovely cards. He will never be an amazing gift giver or romantic events planner but some guys just aren’t wired that way. i would try again to explain to him just how important a heartfelt card etc is to you on these occasions and the seriousness of him not coming to the party is (resentment over time, feeling unloved etc). Make sure you are meeting his needs and love languages too though.

Post # 10
Member
6744 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

He may just be the kind of man who is not sentimental. I mean, I’m a woman and I think anniversaries, especially dating ones, are silly. But you are entitled to your feelings- not saying you shouldn’t feel hurt. But I would not expect him to change- this might be what your anniversaries look like for the next 50 years. Personally, I might be ok with that- but you may not!

Post # 12
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Things goes both ways here.  You expect a card or *something* to feel loved or cared for or your feelings get hurt.  He loves you and maybe he shows it in all sorts of other ways?  Love isn’t a card, or some keep sake, love is everyday.  Maybe you can ease your expecatationis to feel loved the way he expresses it instread of trying to force him to perform actions that are meaningless to him.  If you have to force someone to buy you a card or do somethign to show their affection, what’s the point in that?  Doesn’t it make that action meaningless?

Post # 14
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Did you explicitly ask for something?  Some guys need that.  I had to tell FI that we will be exchanging V-day cards, he’s like really?  Yes husband really.

Post # 15
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

ruphiolis:  You mentioned that he could not afford anything so it seems he wouldn’t be able to afford a trip?  Is a 2 year as important as a 1 to him?  Maybe he’s only into the big ones, 1, 5, 10…?  Having only had 2 anniversarys, and doing something for one, I’m not sure I’d call that a tradition just yet.  Did he WANT to do something and not cause he had no money though?  Maybe a card just seemed lame to him when he had set the standard with a trip.  Maybe he just feels like card are dumb like I do.  Has he ever gotten a card for anything?  You mentioned he didn’t get one for graduation either, so it’s possible he’s not into cards? 

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