my fiance doesn't want children

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If children are a deal breaker for you, then that should tell you where you stand.

I have a 1 year old (with my fiance), so I understand. While some people may change after marriage and finances change, you have to make sure you marry someone with the same values. 

Why does he not want to have a child? How is he with your son? If someone doesn’t want a child, they won’t be a great parent in the future.

Post # 3
245 posts
Helper bee

You can’t make someone have a child, I’m not trying to patronize you but it’s not like deciding to get a puppy, your FI entire life will change FOREVER, is it fair to pressure him to agree to something he’s repeatedly told you he doesn’t want?

I think you’ve answered your own question, he doesn’t want kids and you do, it’s a deal-breaker for you so you shouldn’t marry him in the hopes he’ll one day change his mind, what if he doesn’t and you miss your chance? Will you resent him?

Post # 4
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

kiwi2014:  I think you got a lot of good advice and insight on your previous (identical) thread. If it truly is a dealbreaker for you, then you should listen to him and respect his views. He doesn’t want children. 

Post # 5
2182 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

flowercrowns:  +1.

I’m sorry OP but asking the same thing several times and looking for a different set of responses is EXACTLY what you’re doing with your FI. No matter how you phrase it or ask again if he’s really against having children then that IS your answer. You got a lot of good advice on you first thread which I hope you can listen to as well…

Post # 6
2787 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t think starting a second thread will get you the answer you are looking for. I am assuming you want an afformation that “Yes, this can work, just keep trying to change his mind on how great having a kid is.” Nope, life doesn’t work like that. You can’t have half a kid just for you, and even if you do have the kid that your FI doesn’t want, how do you expect your FI to be a loving parent to this kid. It’s both terrible to this future kid and your FI to go through with this.

Call off the engagement, and find someone who shares your views.

Post # 7
248 posts
Helper bee

I think its about compromise….my Fiance has no kids, i have two and didnt want anymore but I want to try for one for him,if we cant hes ok with that but I want to try.

Post # 8
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You guys don’t sound comaptible!  It’s not about hashing and rehasing over and over.  When someone deep down wants a child or does NOT want a child, then that is it.  There’s no convincing one way or the other.  It’s a deal breaker in many many relationships as it SHOULD BE. 

Your last sentence was that it is a deal breaker for you.  Then my dear, that is you cue to leave.  It doesn’t have to be a bad ending.  Just we simply want different things in life.  It’s going to be hard now, but you will be happier than 5 years down the road when you were planning for a second and hubby says he has not changed his mind.

Post # 9
1552 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

This is something that cannot be compromised on.  Don’t waste your time. 

Post # 10
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Either move on. Or decide that your fiance is more important to you than having another child.

This is an issue that couples should definitely discuss before it gets serious!!!

Post # 11
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My father did not want kids. My mom did. She had them, my parents divorced. Although my dad is a great father and always has been around, it was pretty dumb of my mom to marry someone who didn’t want kids when she did. 

If you marry him you will only end up in an extremely unhappy marriage or divorced. 

Post # 12
1634 posts
Bumble bee

This isnt something you can compromise on. He doesnt want kids, you do. You cant force him to have kids any more than he can force you not to. You have to either decide that the one you have is enough, or find a partner who wants the same things as you. Please dont try and force him to have a family he doesnt want. If you have another child, they deserve to be wanted by both parents.


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