My fiance ended our engagement, how do I ever recover from this? THE FULL STORY

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8909 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

He sounds like a abusive jerk and you’re way better off without him.  Abusers don’t change.  You dodged a bullet!  

 

Post # 4
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I read your post earlier and felt somewhat sad for you. Now, I am overjoyed for you! You got away from this lazy psycho and that’s something you should be celebrating.

Obviously, I know it’s difficult and hard, but re-read your post. Is this the kind of guy you want to be with forever? Someone who hurts you and demeans you? Someone who doesn’t have a job and isn’t even trying to get one? I’m sure your answer is no.

Congratulations on getting out – his violence and temper are only bound to get worse.

Post # 5
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I am shocked. Read this in someone else’s point of view and you will see how ridiculous it is that you’re defending him. This is absolutely an abusive man, and you are better off without him. 

He is the biggest kind of loser.

Post # 6
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee

I think the full explanation makes a lot more sense. He just did you a huge favor by leaving and staying away. YOU DESERVE BETTER!! Not all men are like that! Don’t beg for him back, don’t go out of your way to protect him, because he did not try to protect you. You need a man. He is not a man. You WILL make it through this- better and stronger than before! And one day you will meet the man of your dreams!! ((HUGS))

Post # 7
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@LabAngel:  That is quite different then I perceived it to play out in the last post.

Being violent in any degree is not a good sign and can only get worse. I’m sure it is super difficult right now but in time, you’ll be glad you didn’t marry him.

Having said that I’ll also say that you could work on how you react too. When he blocked the door you pulled his hair to get him to move. I’m sure you were angry, scared, and just wanted to get out, but there is no reason either partner should get physical.

Post # 8
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Any man who lays a hand on a woman in anger is a dirtbag. You don’t want to marry a dirtbag.

Post # 9
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You dodged a HUGE bullet!  DONT protect your ex-fiance!  I am so glad you got away from this abusive jerk and his family!

Post # 10
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m sorry that you are going through this but you are so much better off without him. You say you do not consider him abusive but doing things like pulling your hair, pushing you, shaking you and calling you names are all types of abuse.

It will take time, but you will find someone who treats you like a queen, will stand beside you 100%, even if that means going against his parents.

Post # 11
Member
3557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Whoa…this puts your story in a whole different light from the last post. Honestly, you don’t have to use martial arts moves to be physically abusive. Ripping out your hair preventing you from leaving, pushing you, preventing you from talking with his hand, and leaving bruises are all huge giant red flags of abuse. The synopsis here is that your ex-FI is an abusive man-child. For me abusive on it’s own is a deal breaker and so is a man-child who sides with his parents over his SO. Put them together and it really does sound like you dodged a bullet. I know it hurts right now, but the best thing for that is time. Let youself heal and then go out and find a man who will be a partner not an angry controlling child.

Post # 12
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LabAngel:  “I DO NOT consider him to be abusive”

Sweetie, if he is pulling your hair and hitting you on the head with a broom, he is abusive. Consider the fact that he ended the relationship a blessing. He is only going to escalate. I am sorry you are in this situation, but do not change yourself to try to stay with this guy. I know you can’t see it, but he is abusing you and you are far better off that everything is called off.

Post # 13
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@LabAngel:  count your blessings that you’re getting out now. and stop blaming yourself! nagging doesn’t make someone abuse you… and despite what you say, he IS abusive. if he wasn’t doing anything wrong, you wouldn’t be protecting him. this sounds like it would only get worse and it sounds like he is right… you are not compatible because no one is compatible with an abusive, unemployed mama’s boy.

Post # 14
Member
2165 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

That is waaaay different than the first version.  That changes everything.  I know that it is probably the hardest thing you’ve ever done, and it’s going to hurt for a long time, but you did the right thing by leaving.  You did what was best for you and your safety, and it takes a very strong woman to do that!  It sounds like this relationship does not bring out the best in either of you, so being apart may be the best thing for you both.

 

Post # 16
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@LabAngel:  pushing me, pulling my hair, shaking me or slapping a hand over my mouth. 

ETA: Not sure why it cut off my comment. This is the definition of abuse. He is abusive. You are much better off without him.

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