Post # 1
I’m a newbee and I’m having a dilemma.
I recently got engaged. My fiance knew that I wanted to choose my own e-ring so he carved one to propose with. We’re now looking for the one.
Its been narrowed down to 2 e-rings. One is big and beautiful and sparkly and my Fiance loves it. He says its the kind of ring he thinks I deserve. Its a very pretty ring I just worry that its too big, too sparkly, too showy.
The other one is simpler, less stunning, the stone colours don’t match but is still beautiful. I feel like it suits me better. I’m not showy, I’m background, I’m the person people don’t see.
The problem is that I think that the ring he prefers is too good for me. I see myself as nobody special and want a ring to reflect that. He sees me as wonderful and wants to reflect that.
My question is this: Should I go with the beautiful ring which he loves and I like as a symbol of what I mean to him and to give me confidence in the way I see myself. Or should I go with the one I prefer and upset him because I see myself as deserving only of something less showy but still beautiful?
Post # 3
@DuskyRose: I would go with the ring he picks out for you and try to figure out why your self esteem is so low in the mean time. I am sure you’re worth getting engaged in either case, or he wouldn’t be proposing. Chin up!
Post # 4
@DuskyRose: I think it’s really sad that you feel like you don’t deserve a nice ring; why do you feel that way?
That aside, I’m not convinced you actually prefer the ring that he likes. Remember you will be wearing this for life, and if big and showy isn’t your thing, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense IMO for you to get a big, showy ring.
I kind of feel like there’s room for compromise here, like a small, less showy ring, but with great specs, so, still expensive (it sounds like your OH wants to ‘splash the cash’, and you can still do this on a smaller, less showy ring). Ultimately, you need to get what you want.
But if the only thing holding you back from the first ring is your insecurity, perhaps this is something you need to work on first.
Post # 5
Ok, first things first.. the ring is his gift to you, so you should get the beautiful ring he feels he wants you to have.
Secondly, I think you should get some help for your self esteem issues. Reading your post made me feel so sad.
Post # 6
@DuskyRose: go with the ring he gives you. He loves you and your truly deserve it. Eventually the ring will grow on you and become part of you. Just enjoy!
Post # 7
Oh honey, go with the ring that you truly love and don’t ever feel undeserving of something beautiful.
Post # 8
@barbie86: I completely agree with you here.
@DuskyRose: If the ring he wants for you is simply not your style, that’s one thing. He wanted you to be part of the process of choosing the ring, which means that your preferences matter. Getting the ring he wants simply because he wants it kind of defeats that purpose. However, choosing not to get it because you don’t think you deserve it is not the way to go. You do deserve it. If the second ring is more your style, you should absolutely go for it, but not because you feel you are worthy only of mismatched stones and sub-par quality. You deserve the best, and you deserve the style that you’re most comfortable with.
Like you, I’m an “in the background” kind of girl. I am low-key and I like it that way. But I’m not that way because I don’t think I’m good enough to be front and center. I also happen to like simpler jewelry. My now-husband knew this about me when he proposed, but he also knew that I deserved something beautiful and chose a great ring that suits me and reflects that he thinks I deserve the world. It’s not an either / or situation. You can and you should have the best parts of both options.
Post # 10
@DuskyRose: I think the issue here is your self esteem.. You deserve whichever ring you like best, showy or not. Your Fiance obviously thinks so too. I
Post # 11
loves you enough to buy you the biggest, most beautiful ring he can get for you. It sounds as if you’re having trouble accepting it.
It’s entirely up to you. If you had said you don’t like the ring, that would be one thing. But what I’m hearing is that you don’t feel as if you deserve it, which is so not true.
Post # 12
@sassy411: totally agree with sassy. I’d you don’t want it because it’s not your style, that’s one thing. If its because you don’t feel like you deserve it, you don’t have to. He does 🙂
Post # 13
Thank you all.
At the moment, I slightly prefer the design of the simpler one. However, its a very small amount and part of me wonders if I’m not letting myself like the more showy one because I don’t think I’m worthy of it.
My Fiance really loves the more showy one, and I think he’d be really upset if I went for the more understated one for the wrong reason. I think you’re all right and I have to work out if its the design or the self esteem that is pushing me towards the smaller one.
I want to make him happy more than anything and he loves to give me things and make me feel special. I saw a film recently which said “We accept the love we think we deserve” which I think might apply here.
My plan, I think, is to go and try them both on again and if I like them both the same then go with the one my Fiance loves and appreciate it as the gesture of love he intends it as and hopefully learn to believe I’m worth it! And thank you for your lovely comments and giving me suggestions for moving forwards.
Post # 14
@DuskyRose: girl, your comments alone show that you’re a mature, thoughtful, well spoken individual. and that’s what i can tell from a few sentences on an online message board. i’m sure you are an absolutely wonderful person, worthy of being noticed, appreciated, and loved. i know your fiance would agree!!! i think it’s a good idea to go back and try them on again, and try to ask yourself which one you truly like. because you DO deserve whichever you like best, whether that’s more simple or more noticeable.
Post # 15
Hey, if you want to work on self esteem a little bit — believe that you really DO deserve the big ring your man wants for you!
I would bet it’s not even as big as you think. I (still) feel like mine is on the big side, but I am also a person who likes things on the subtle side, and some (very rude) people have let it be known they think my ring (which my Fiance designed himself just for me) is small. Jerks!
Now that I’m used to it, it is perfect for me and he did an excellent job with it.
I’ve found an engagement ring is also a reflection of your fiance… people judge him on it’s size and looks, too!
Here’s the thing. A ring, whether big or small, is going to draw attention to you regardless of how you feel about that. If you like the bigger one, then go with that one and rock it out. Use it as an excuse to boost your self-esteem and maybe as a (big to you) reminder every day that you are worth it! A physical reminder of how excellent someone thinks you are.
The small one? Go with it if you truely love how it looks on you, but if you’re getting it to try and hide from attention, it’s not going to work. Trust me, I tried.