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Carefully, and make sure your FI is completely and totally 100% on your side all the time. This means that when you guys have a disagreement, he doesn't go running to mommy to complain. This means that if you and the FMIL have a disagreement, he doesn't automatically side with her. He needs to act as a diplomat between the two of you. We've had a couple of girls on the board with the same problem, and it took some major issues to flare up before the FI came to his senses!
As an only child, I would say make sure she feels included in your lives. It could be small gestures like inviting her over for dinner from time to time. Just make sure she doesn't feel like once he is married, he is gone. If you can, I would try to also spend some time with her on your own so she feels welcome like maybe a girls' lunch or coffee
My FH is also an only child, and his mother adores him. She also adores me, now.
At first, things were a little weird between us. The first time we 3 had dinner together, as soon as we were done eating, she snapped up FH’s dinner plate and put it in the kitchen, along with hers, then washed them. I was left to clean my own plate. No big deal, but just little things like that.
I treat her with a LOT of respect. I asked her opinion on things when she comes to visit. I treat FH with a lot of respect in front of her. I think a big turning point (according to FH) was that I sent her a card (can’t remember for what holiday), and thanked her for raising R the way she did, so that he grew up to be a great partner and friend.
I also agree that you need to make sure you and FH are both on the same page about arguments. He needs to have your back, now and in the future.
Wedding-wise, I asked her to come dress shopping with my mom and I. It was her only chance to go dress shopping with a “daughter” and it meant A LOT to her to be asked.
My mom also reminded me that at some point his mom realize you are the only vehicle towards grandchildren, and that fact might make her want to play nice! :)
I’m lucky that my future MIL is awesome, and I hope yours is too!
Thanks ladies. I am lucky that my fiance is not a momma's boy so I don't worry about him complaining to her when we have an issue.
Like you said, gabrielleelise1981, I've had similar experiences that made me feel left out and at those times, I automatically start thinking how my own mother would treat him in my presence, e.g. if we are discussing something, she would ask for his opinion first, (you know out of respect), or if she is going to cook, she would ask him first if there is anything he prefers to have for dinner. She would try to make him feel comfortable around her. His mom is not like that towards me. Everything is about him. Although I sense that it is not intentional, it's also hard to completely ignore these things sometimes.
Anyway, thanks again ladies.
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Hello ladies,
My fiance is an only child and my FMIL is absolutely in love with her son. And judging from my interactions with her so far, I am already feeling worried about the way she will be involved in our lives. Her whole world revolves around her son. She is not mean to me but I feel like some little things can create issues between us in the future. Any tips/advice on how to handle this situation? Or avoid future issues?
Thanks!