Post # 1
So I know I am not the only bride in this economy that is feeling the stress of no money to pay for a house or the wedding. I have just started my career and can not be a bread winner in our relationship due to the decrease of clientelle. I am so excited about my wedding and marrying Mike but I am also really scared because a part of me feels like he is not putting the right amount of work into finding work. He is Landscaping with money under the table so no proof of income means no house and I am feaking out. He has a four year degree in marketing and has been out of school since last May so it will be a year next month. I am getting really nervous and it is causing arguments. When this should be the happiest time of our life, it is scaring me. Please someone have any advice?????
Post # 3
My FI is still in school with no end in sight. After we got engaged we sat down and had a heart to heart, because I wanted him to know that I wasn’t going anywhere and if he needed to wait longer to be ready to start taking on grown up responsibility like paying for a wedding I understood. He told me he had been thinking about that too, getting married while still a student but he said he didn’t want to wait to be my husband and that I was worth the sacrifice of some parties and college life. It sounds like you are both in different places emotionally, and talking through them is best.
Post # 4
My degree is in marketing as well and honestly no one can get a job. I’m going to go to grad school to get my masters in education and teach elementary school. Don’t put to much pressure on him job wise and maybe discuss other options or career choices.
Post # 5
My FH and I went through a similar rough spot, but it was me on the jobless end. It really helped me when he would support my searching without nagging… which is a really fine line. We spent a lot of time focusing on the little things that keep us happy and trying not to worry about the money. Just love him, the rest will follow.
Post # 6
When you talk about a house, do you mean renting a house together or buying one? If it’s the latter, is there a way you can rent somewhere until finances get better/he gets a job? I know that’s not always a viable option in some areas, but it may help with some pressure.
Best of luck with everything, it will all work out in the end.
Post # 7
Ours is a reverse situation, he has a stable job… I was laid off a month before we got engaged and now we are moving across the country. I’m very nervous about not finding a job..
But what I know more than anything is that we will always make it through… There is more than one way to support one another and for us, our love and commitment will get us through. I have pinched pennies A LOT (ohhhh I miss the mall….) and budgeted. Take it day by day, outline your goals. Just because you are getting married doesn’t mean you need to buy a home.
Post # 8
My FI is currently a PhD student on fellowship– I lost my job 3 months ago, so that’s all the money we have. For right now we’re just renting– buying a house is something we plan to do down the road, but not until we are more stable financially. Renting isn’t that bad, and I think you should probably consider that until you two are able to buy a house. I don’t know where you are in Ohio, but a one bedroom apartment in Western PA (I live in Pittsburgh) is not that expensive- we’re paying less than $700 a month, including rent and gas. Definitely the most important thing is to be married, house or no, right? Lots of couples are poor when they first start out. My FI’s parents made less together than he makes alone when they were first married- now they are pulling in over $200K a year. You can work towards finding careers together, as a couple 🙂
Post # 9
I’m sorry to hear about the lack of job for your FI, but as far as the house goes, is there a reason why you feel you have to buy right now? Plenty of couples don’t buy right away. After you both have great, solid employment for a couple of years, then you should think about buying. Don’t add stress to an already stressful situation by thinking you HAVE to own a house or condo right away.
Good Luck to you both.
Post # 10
I can only offer my sympathy and tell you I’m there with you! My fiance was in marketing/journalism and can’t find a job. I lost my job too and things have been really tough. I have a job offer I REALLY want to take, but I don’t know if I can because it won’t be enough money to support both of us – and we have no idea when my fiance will find a job. These are tough things to deal with! WHenever people ask us how we’re getting through, I just tell them we are getting the "for poorer" part of the way before we even get to the altar!
Post # 11
I also agree, that maybe worrying about buying a house in the near future, may be causing an unnecessary strain on the relationship. Most couples do not have the money right away to buy a house. In addition, I do think that there is a fine line between helping him look, and nagging him. Chances are, there are not many jobs in Marketing right now, and that is why he cannot find a job. Would he be open to looking for jobs in other areas of expertise?
My FI is graduating this June, wanting to go into Social Work. Unfortunately, in our area, our Social Services Program is cutting jobs, not creating them. So for the short term he is applying to State Farm to be an Insurance agent, until he can get into the field he ultimately wants.