(Closed) my fiance is leavin for iraq in a couple days how do the military wifes do it?

posted 9 years ago in Military
Post # 3
Member
578 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I was once married to the military. It will be hard a first but it will get easier. Stay busy is the best advice, have friends you can talk to and who will be understandable about your feelings. And spend time on the bee!! Good luck we are here for you!

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well, after about a month you’ll adjust. We talked 30 minutes once a week and we were fine. It makes you better communicators in your relationship. You HAVE to find things to keep you busy. The wedding was a great distraction for me. Instead of moping about how I didn’t get to spend Friday nights at home w/o my SO, I did crafty things and thought about how great it’d be when he got home. You learn to appreciate that 30 minutes of phone talk so much, and your marine may get more time to chat than mine did. Emails are great. Busy yourself with making care packages. I was always sending him goodies–tic tacs, orange powerade powder, cans of tomato soup, etc, that he couldn’t get over there. You will amaze yourself at how strong you get over the course of his deployment. I think the agony of him leaving was worse than when he actually was gone. Honestly, it sucked, but there are worse things in life, and I constantly reminded myself how lucky we were to have email, phones, quick mail service, etc.

How are you not going to make it? I mean you aren’t going to cheat on him or try to replace him. You aren’t just going to fall apart and not be able to function. You’ll have a few poopy days, sure, but in reality, you’ll just take it one day at a time like the rest of us and count down the weeks and months. It’s daunting at the beginning and it takes time to get used to being alone. You can make this deployment easier or more difficult on yourself depending on the mindset you start off with. Plus, get a videocam! We used to "talk" back on forth when we could. When the internet would get real crappy over there (heat black outs), I’d send him a video before i wento to bed, saying good morning and letting him know i missed him so he could watch it when he got up. It really means a lot to see someone face to face via the web.PM me if you want some advice. My now-husband spent 15 months in Iraq and it’s totally doable. 

Post # 5
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hey soon2B! Although my FI and I haven’t been through a deployment yet, he left for 6 months of training the day after he proposed! I know it seems impossible to survive without him being around, but you can do it! Some things I found to help:

 

-make a long term goal while he’s gone. I decided to train for a 10-mile race, but you could decide to scrapbook, learn a new sport, etc. 

-stay busy. take a cooking class, go to a play, anything to get out of the house. the days go by faster when you’re busy.

-get a pet or a plant. studies show that having something or someone else to take care of generally means you will take better care of yourself. I got a puppy to keep me company when my FI deploys next year. Even fish would work! 

-write letters. e-mail and webcams are great, but written letters are really special when you are apart. Take pictures of your day, send pictures of new things you do, etc so he’ll feel included. If you don’t get to talk much, the letters and pictures will keep you two connected.

-countdowns are great! anything from a jar of kisses for each day he’s gone to counting down the number of rent checks you have left to write reminds you that time IS passing and his return IS getting closer. 

 

Good luck, 2B. It will be hard at first, but you can do it! Plus, you’ve got the awesome Wedding Bee community to keep you company while you wait and while you plan your wedding!  

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

OOooh yeah. I decided to get in shape for the wedding. It kept me hecka busy and he loved that i was getting in shape for him. Plus, it was a good way to lose the weight I packed on after a surgery mid-college. 

I got two cats. They were a Godsend I tell ya. Taking care of them just made everything a bajillion times better and i was so much happier on my own. 

Post # 7
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t know much about the military life, but I agree with ejs, get a pet!  They are wonderful for stress and keeping you company!  GL and you can do it!

Post # 8
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

It sucks, but make everything a milestone…

He’s been gone a week, and yes, I miss him, but I’m doing it!! 

A month…Still doing it!! 

Hang out with your firends (just make sure they are the cheating military wives cuz they could get you into trouble)

Just be very strong in everything you do, you will surprise yourself by how well you do. You will cry a lot, you will be lonely, a lot. Just don’t forget why you’re with him. Send him care packages too! they love those 🙂

Everybody had some great suggestions for you. 🙂 KUDOS to them! 

you’ll be ok. It is hard, but the biggest thing is to just remain faithful and make sure to talk to him every chance you get. (Webcams can be difficult. they don’t always have the greatest internet connection over there.)

Post # 9
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My SO was in Iraq last summer/fall and will go back this December.  I will be the first to tell you it’s not easy, but it’s definitely manageable!  It was helpful for me to remember that I am not the only one in this situation missing a loved one.  His Base had a family support group as well so that was helpful if you needed it.  I agree with what everyone else is saying…just try to keep yourself busy.  Obviously the wedding planning will be very helpful with that but it’s important to keep in touch with your friends and family.  It may be easy to want to just sit around at home thinking about your FI and the wedding, but use this time to re-connect with friends and family.  They will be your best support system!  Message me if you ever need an ear to listen!

Post # 10
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Welcome to the club soon2be – my best support has been all the ladies here

ejs – has been a really good support and a couple other ladies on here as well.

I agree with everyone that first month is hardest.  Keep busy it helps a lot b/c if not you will have a lot of time alone to think and sometimes your mind wanders and can get the best of you.  Also, don’t believe everything you read or see on TV, as my FI told me that’s all for good TV a lot is not the 100% truth. 

E-mails are great and care packages are always welcomed.  If you don’t know the post office has free flat rate APO/FPO boxes that you can have delievered (FREE!!!) right to your house.  You can fill them up with as much stuff and as long as it closes and not over $75 pounds you pay $11.95 

Videos and pictures are also great, I would record them on my digital camera and send him a flash drive of pictures and videos. 

I’ve also become more of a gym rat and I’ve gotten a dog too.  I also found myself being more involved in church. 

Keep strong and if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me and like I’ve said to many others "She that waits also serves"!

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