Post # 1
my fiance is tiered of hearing about the wedding and is telling me he wished we had eloped. after all of the planning ive done and organizing ive done, and planning now he is saying that ive become obsessed and he;s tiered of hearing about it, he said he cant wait for our boring little lives to be back to normal. we got into an arguement the other day about this and it got to the point that he said that maybe i should be thinking about fixing up the other house we own instead of putting money into the wedding and i said for what so i could move into it and he said ya maybe :*(. He said we could have the best wedding day ever but if i dont stop and think and start refocusing on us then there wont be a marriage. we have been together for six years and i must say this has been the hardest year. I want to not focuse so hard on the wedding day but someones got to make the calls and do the planning right. He makes me feel ashamed for wanting our wedding day to be beautiful and well planned out;*(. He keeps saying that im not listening to him and I do feel im listening. After six years you would think that this would of been our best year. Im lost, confused, and now scared that he doesnt want to marry me now. I dont know how to finish planning this wedding if he doesnt want to hear about it, if i cant share exciting news about for example a dj i found to do it cheap. I dont know; he hasnt called off the wedding; and yet he seems distant. when i was acting sort of childish i guess after the arguement and just not speaking he tried to hug me and when i pulled away he said what you dont want to marry me now, This has apsolutly been hands down the worst year for us.
lost with no friends near this state to talk to
Post # 3
I’m sorry you are having a hard time. Guys really don’t understand wedding planning details and really don’t care. I wouldn’t talk to him about the small things (like choosing white linens over cream) and only talk about larger items and on certain days. I would set a few days a week that are no wedding zones, where you can work on your relationship outside the wedding.
Post # 4
I’m sorry to hear you guys are going through a rough patch. Wedding planning is really stressful, I totally agree. Fiance and I had a similar conversation the other night. I want him to help me more with wedding stuff, and his response was “Well every time I try to offer help you turn down all my ideas. So I stopped offering help. I would have wanted a totally different wedding.” I was really shocked. I have turned down some of his ideas, but others have been great and I’ve incorporated them. Much like you, I’m surprised he didn’t speak up sooner or told me earlier he wanted something different. Sometimes I also get the feeling he doesn’t want to listen to me talk about it anymore, but I think he enjoys seeing how excited I am (even if it isn’t what he wanted, whatever that is!).
I think that men and women just come from two different planes when it comes to spending money. Men see how money could be spent on practical, tangible, “logical” things, ie. a house renovation. Women see their wedding day as a fairytale, a symbol of the beauty of their future, of the love they feel, it’s all very emotional. I think the majority of men just can’t connect with that.
So, here’s my suggestion to you. How about if you compromise (and I’m going to try this too!) with your FI? You get half an hour or an hour a night to talk about wedding stuff, run ideas by him, get thoughts from him, and the rest of the night, no wedding talk. Maybe dedicate one night a week to date night, no wedding stuff allowed. Clearly your Fiance is saying he wants you back, not wedding you. I think it’s good that he was able to honestly tell you that, even if it does hurt a little. I think you really need to dedicate time to just the two of you, your relationship, getting back to basics. I know it’s hard because you’re so excited, but listen to what he’s saying and make the effort for him and for your relationship.
Post # 5
So sorry to hear you’re having a rough time! It sounds really hard, especially if you don’t have many friends in your state.
I think Miss AB has a great idea. Why don’t you try that approach for a week and see if that helps? And maybe you guys need to invest some time in the relationship – how about a short weekend away, or a date night at a restaurant, or a candlelit dinner for 2 at home and a bubble bath?
Don’t be scared. If you love him, everything will work out. I hope everything works out for you. It’s ok, everyone has difficult times but you will get through this. Hugs.
Post # 6
🙁 It’s hard to know what’s bugging him w/o knowing him. Does he get stressed about finances? Is he practical to a fault? It sounds like he said, “ya maybe” out of anger. He’s probably more excited about being married to you than the big, expensive party! Maybe you should sit down with him when you are less upset, and discuss your fears. Maybe he will share some of his own too. let him know how important the day is to you and you want it to be perfect for the both of you.
Post # 7
Yeaaaah hubby doesn’t give a flip about wedding planning! He doesn’t understand why it stresses me out so much and why I even care. If it were up to him I would just take him and his family on a vacation instead of having a wedding…. This is probably my own doing since we are already married.
I think it’s normal hun… they just aren’t genetically predisposed to give a crap. We understand how stressful planning a wedding is though, and can empathize how stressful even the smallest decision can be!
Post # 8
wedding stress always gets to people! but just take a breather and take a day or two or week off of wedding planning. my fiance gets aggravated with me always talking wedding so ive learned to avoid the fights and just not mention it to him for a few days at a time.
If he hasnt called it off youre still golden! so stop worrying and go give him a hug!
Post # 9
While I agree that there should be a focus on the MARRIAGE than the wedding I do think that if he isn’t going to plan the wedding himself he at least should listen to you. Wedding stress happens to everybody and just calm down, take a breath (or a hot, relaxing bath) and find ways to be better organized. Believe me I was totally stressed out until I got things fixed so that things were done one day at a time. Another thing you might want to do is make a date with him, just you two with something romantic and do something special for him, don’t even mention the wedding. I am sure he said things out of stress himself.
Post # 10
I am early in the process but I notice that Fiance can get stressed if there is too much wedding talk. He stresses about life changes so its kinda like reminding him of all that is about to change for him — CONSTANTLY. He has let me do all the planning so I just update him and I made a rule, every other date is a “no wedding talk” date.
Post # 11
I agree, men (in general) just do not understand the wedding planning process. Once hubby understood he didn’t have to wear a tux (he and the GMs wore grey suits they already owned), he was FINE with anything I talked or asked him about. It was pretty obvious as the time drew near that he really didn’t want to hear about all the little details that need to be addressed. I would not worry over much (boy is my PA Dutch background showing up or what – LOL).