Weddingbee boards

Wow.  I've been knocked down this month quite a bit. 

This month has been brutal. My grandmother passed away, my friends got hit by a car right in front of me (I managed to run out of the way just in time), my fiance's dad had a fall and had to go to the hospital, and now we find out that my fiance will need to start radiation therapy for cancer within the next two weeks. 

We've known that FI has had bone marrow cancer for about 2.5 years.  It was definied as asymptomatic, which means it was present but was not doing anything, so it just needed to be monitored.  It's been stressful for the last couple of years, but we had comfort in knowing that we could live life as normally as we could.  We found out yesterday that it's not the case anymore, and he needs to start radiation theraphy on his jawbone.  

We got engaged in July, with hopes of getting married in spring/summer 2012.  Later in July his doctor suspected that he would need treatment within 6 months to a year, but at that time, no treatment was needed.  We moved the wedding date up to January 2012 in hopes of getting married before things got crazy.  (If I hear one more time about someone complaining as to why we have a January wedding in Canada it makes me want to strangle someone). 

The invites have gone out, people have RSVP'd and the out of town guests have started to make travel arrangements.  I have no idea what to do about the wedding.  If this first line of treatment works, my FI may be able to work (he has a job that is starting in December, but is not working right now) through the treatments and things could carry on as normal.  If it doesn't work it could mean more aggressive treatments like chemothearaphy or stem cell transplant in which he certainly wouldn't be able to work, much less attend his own wedding. 

Sigh, life needs to stop being so intense sometimes.  Looking for anyone out there who has dealt with this prior to getting married and how it affected their wedding plans. Thanks. 

Kanadia82

I don't have any experience with this, but I just wanted to tell you that I will pray for you and your FI.  I can't even imagine how tough this must be for both of you.

for the monetary part, it was suggested to us to get wedding insurance.. I haven't really looked into this much because my fiance's OH surgery got pushed up a lot sooner than we had expected and he should be recovered by then but it might be something worth looking into for you guys.  maybe someone else out there knows more than I do? 

as far as maybe having to cancel or postpone the wedding and dealing with people in that respect.. your priority is being there for your FI and making sure he has all the support that he needs to get through this difficult time and get on his way to being healthy.. if that means "disappointing" people, so be it.. most of the people around you will understand and will want to do anything in their power to help you guys through this.  

oh and btw, if people want to help you.. accept their help!  its so easy to get caught up and think that you need to be the strong one and do everything, take care of everything and be everything to everyone but you can't and you'll be well on your way to a nervous breakdown if you try. 

keeping my fingers crossed for you that everything goes well. 

I am so sorry!  Hoping for the best outcome and sending good thoughts your way. 

Wow... thanks so much everyone! 

I was looking for a pick-me up and definately got more support than I could have ever asked for. Even for those of you who didn't know what to say other than "hugs" & "prayers" it really means a lot. 

We'll find out next Tuesday what the most likely treatment options will be, so until then I think we're going to go ahead as usual. FI is having his bachelor party this weekend (the groomsmen know everything), I'm going to the florist and planning out some DIY.  My bachelorette is next weekend, so that could be put on hold once tuesday comes around, but for now it's still on.  

@jenangeles: Thanks for the info on wedding insurance. We were looking into this a few months ago and discussed at length with our parents. Not all, but some policies will not cover for a "pre-existing conditions", which this would most certainly be. We opted not to use it and our parents are supportive of this.

For the most part, we're fortunate that we can handle the lost deposits that we have made. For all other vendors we are dealing either with friends or haven't paid any deposits/signed contracts yet. We'll have to make these decisions after next tuesday on where to go with the contracts to be signed. 

I think for a lot of weddings, insurance makes sense - it just has to be weighed against the pros and cons and how accepting of "lost" money you will be in a stressful situation.  

Also, great advice on accepting help. I'm not great at it, but I know this is something for me to work on. We've already had lots of offers for appointment tag-alongs, meals, nights out, cleaning - so I'm very grateful for it.  

@Nicoley1985: Great story of encouragement! Thanks! 

@MrsCoachBtoBee: Thanks! My thoughts for you that everyone who is dealing with cancer right now in your family gets better and is there for June.  One day at a time is what's gotten me through the last 2.5 years, and will definitely get me though this next little bit as well.  

@theredhead: Thanks for the insight on your friend going through treatment right now. It gives us a lot of hope that things can go through as 'normally' as possible. 

Everyone else - you've are so wonderful. I even showed this thread to FI and he's smiling.  I will definitely keep you posted in the days/ weeks to come. 

Hi everyone, 

I have an update.  Unfortunately, it's not going to be just radiation.  We're looking at about 4 months of chemotheraphy and then a stem cell transplant which could take anywhere from 3 - 6 months to recover from.  So, pretty tough to take. FI is pretty angry at the "unfairness of life" right now, as am I, but we'll take it one step at a time. 

We do have a blessing from our doctor that he can hold off starting the chemo until after our January 14th wedding, and for FI to start his job to recieve the benefits (they kick in soon after he starts, thank goodness).  He may need some radiation up until the end of January, as well as some intravenous bone strengtheners. Hopefully he can work through this.  

So..... not the news we were hoping for, but also not the storm of trying to move up/cancel all of our wedding plans. I think we are still pretty excited to get it done and done the right way.  We had a long talk this weekend about potentially moving things up or really scaling down the wedding to just immediate family and the bridal party. This just made me really sad.  

To try and lighten the mood, we did a mock seating chart of everyone if they were to RSVP yes (or already have!) and it really made me realize that there aren't that many people that I wouldn't want to be there!!  I would say about 90% of our guests know of the situation we've been in for the last 2.5 years and have still remained close.  To close the door on them seems harsh, and to take away all the work that we've done preparing is just heartbreaking. At the end of the day, it's all about us two, I know, but I still don't wan't us to feel that we've sacrificed anything for the damn cancer. 

They say that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but I'm not sure this is what they mean by it.