(Closed) My fiance needs to grow up.

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think I’d just get him an outfit, and ask him to try it on.

Then, of course, praise him to a ridiculous degree about how fantastic he looks wearing it.  Fingers crossed that he’d start wearing things like it more often on his own. 

Post # 4
Member
7850 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

what does he wear when he goes to work? on a saturday night date?

if you’ve never been out for dinner at a fine dining restaurant, suggest to him that you would like to go and then shop with him to pick out an outfit.

 

Post # 5
Member
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

Yikes.  I don’t have that problem with FH, but I do with FBIL.  He dresses in wrinkly, ratty clothes.  And I will tell you what else, I am convinced he doesn’t use laundry detergent when he washes his clothes!!  Either that, or he leaves them in the washer without drying them for more than a day.  All of his clothes smell musty and even his car stinks now.  He’s never had a girlfriend or anything, and sometimes wonders why.  FI and I actually had this discussion last week on how to “tell him” that he needs to change the way he dresses and … to wash his clothes properly because he stinks.

I don’t know that there is a “best” way.  We are sure it will probably hurt FBIL’s feelings and/or make him angry with us.  But at some point tough love is needed.  Maybe you can approach it from the point of, “Hey FI, what do you think about re-doing your wardrobe?  I think you’d look really nice in X type of clothing!”  I would act excited and all that jazz.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@xSparr0w:  ugh i agree with you 200% and im willing to tongue lash anyone who says you are trying to change him.  clothes are not who you are– you can change your clothes without changing who you are. end rant.

 

now, do you have an event coming up? i had a coworker’s wedding to go to and i told my guy he had to get a new suit. we went together to j crew.  it was pricier than he wanted to spend but BOY he loooked DAMN GOOD in that thing and he knew it.  we went afterward to a emn’s warehouse and the comparison– there was none.  we left in 2 minutes flat and went back to j crew.  my fi appreciates looking a little bit better now.   also, i try to buy him t shirts and dress shirts when i can, and sweaters (although sweater season is pretty much over). i buy him things i know he will like (dying to take the plunge into a v neck but i know he likes the crewneck) and are simple but classy/classic. it also helps when i dress in a way that he likes and notices and he says “oh you have a sharp looking weekender jacket? i should probably get one too…” he always says i look so “stylish” haha and i will be wearing a white v neck tee, jeans, flat and my j crew weekend jacket. 

 

I recommend starting with a good, well fitting jeans, and an assortment of medium weight classic t shirts and light sweaters.  maybe a sport coat. oh and when he does wear soemthing good, GUSH over how amazing he looks. good luck!!

Post # 7
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee

I love him for him…..ok.

My SO is 40. Doesn’t own a shirt with a collar, wears flip-flops, shorts, and t-shirts everday. Yes, everyday. In his words, “It’s who I am”. He’s a grown man, pays the bills, and is in everyway a responsible, respectable man and has the right to pick out what he wants to wear.

My advice….is this a battle you want to fight? Is it really that big of a deal?

If so, go out and buy the things you want him to wear and put them in his closet. You can’t force, but you can politely nudge. Maybe he’ll wear them, maybe not.

Post # 8
Member
809 posts
Busy bee

Did he just start wearing this stuff or is the same as he’s always been?  Also, does he have a job that requires him to wear more “adult” clothes?

Personally, I dress up and look nice and adult-ish at work and when it’s expected socially, but when I get home it’s all jeans and old band shirts.  Or sweat pants.  That’s just what I’m most comfortable in.  If my boyfriend told me I need to look nicer when I’m not going anywhere or doing anything that requires nice clothing, I’d probably think he’s too high-maintainence for me.

Post # 9
Member
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@xSparr0w:  You need to be honest with him.  My FI knows what I do and dont like.  We have gone shopping for him many many times.  I am very verbal when I dont like the way something looks on him.  Like he always wants to buy large shirts…he’s 5’11” 150-155 size 31 pants.  He needs a medium. 

Post # 10
Member
1967 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’d get him a few outfits & compliment him to death lol. Never had an issue with jeans, shoes or hats he always wore really nice ones. But his shirts were all white or black tees,  like 5x too big! I started buying him nice shirts in the right size & would tell him how sexy he looked. He pretty much only wears button ups or nice polos now & in the right size!!!

Eta- I wasn’t being sneaky I told him straight up I wanted to add some nice shirts to his wardrobe for when we go out & my family functions (everyone is always dressed nice). 

 

Post # 11
Member
4529 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@xSparr0w:  This is probably how my BF feels about me, except replace “wrinkly clothes/dirty shoes” with “zero fashion sense or interest” 😡 I just dont know what to wear, so unless he dresses me, it’s jeans and Bigfoot or Boston Terrier t-shirt and a North Face.

The way he has approached it with me hasnt hurt my feelings: if we are at the mall, he’d have me try on something “stylish” and usually offer to buy it for me. It took me awhile to pick up on it, and when I finally said “dude…do you hate how I dress?” he just was honest and said “you’re pretty and have a great figure and I just think you would feel better about yourself if you got yourself some nicer things.”

So, he got his point across in a nice way…and it certainly doesnt hurt the feelings if it’s on his tab 😉

Post # 12
Member
5773 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Um DH is 36 and wears baseball caps until they fall apart and I still can’t get him to buy nice shoes.

Just start buying him stuff because if you leave him to his own devices this is not changing.

Post # 13
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Uh, idk, that seems to me like how 25-year-olds dress?

Post # 15
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I don’t think you don’t love him for who he is. My SO is the same way. 24 wearing shirts from highschool and I told him if thats what makes him very happy then ok, but I tell him what I like as well- and when he wears something his age I make it a point that I think he looks VERY sexy. Just that alone has made him change some of his style because he knows it makes me happy and I’m not forcing him to change what he loves: he’s changing it because he wants to 🙂

Post # 16
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@xSparr0w:  hahaha.  Oh… man.  no, really, I understand.  My guy typically wears t-shirts and jeans.  He used to work in insurance and always wore button ups and slacks.  About 5 years ago he decided that he’d had enough and went back to school and got a job at wholefoods.  Wholefood’s dresscode is decidedly relaxed, and I love working there for that reason.  This last year though, he’s graduated and has been applying his degree towards working on a future.  He’s now working part time at Whole foods while doing demo and rep work for suppliments and body care companies, which means more of a big boy foot forward on how he dresses.  Because of the industry he’s working with, he’s stayed a little more on the trendy (for our world anyway) side of things.  We can’t pass a vintage shop now without stopping in to check out the shirts, and he always has new jeans on hand without wholes in them!  Its a nice change, but then, life changes are what got the new clothes thing happening.  I did say something to him at some point, and the other day he said he’s really glad I spoke up on the t-shirts every day issue.  It turns out, he’s enjoying looking nice.

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