(Closed) My fiance never came…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Two things.

First off, I feel for you.  Merging families can be tough.  Different families have different expectations/traditions.  Maybe it is just a simple matter of both of you expecting what you are used to but neither expressing and agreeing upon what you expect.  

I notice your wedding date has passed.  Are you talking about a bridal shower or baby shower?  The reason I ask is that it is my suggestion to work on communication and understanding/accepting differences and compromising.  I was going to suggest you do that at premarital couseling or something similar.  

Post # 4
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

He’s saying he can’t stand you?  That’s mean.

Post # 5
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m not sure of the specifics of everything you are dealing with but I will say him telling you that he can’t stand you is not ok. You had no control over them being the way they were and how he is treating you is unfair. Good Luck.

Post # 7
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@yassim: im sorry, but shouldnt you be confronting your fiance as well? he said some very mean things to you…

i think you should speak to him, and he should tell his own family how badly they behaved..

Post # 9
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@yassim: is he unwilling to speak to his family on your behalf?

Post # 11
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@yassim: im sorry but i would advice you to deal with these issues with your fiance before marriage.

ive known many wives having very serious problems because their husbands were so influenced by their families. YOU should be his priority once you are married…not his mother and sister. It doesnt mean he doesnt love them, or has to cut off ties with them…but they should not be in control of him either.

when you get married and have kids…all these issues will just become worse.

Post # 13
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@yassim: Im glad to hear that you are determined to resolve this.

It is a good idea to let some time go so you can speak more calmly. But I cant stress it enough how important it is for you to work on this.

I hope you dont think I am being bossy or telling you what to do…but I have seen first hand how difficult it is for a wife dealing with a husband who is controlled by his family…I really don’t think any wife deserves that…don’t put up with it!

Post # 14
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

It’s you’re place to confront him about being verbally abusive toward you (b/c any time he’s degrading with his words it’s verbal abuse)

And it’s his responsibility to deal with his family…. but it’s very important that his allegience (so to speak) is now with you and not his family. <– this is very very important to be able to create a marriage foundation.

He should always stick by you and side with you… atleast in front of them.. and then talk with you about whatever could have been different on your part.

It’s like my mom told my DH (then FI) when this kinda stuff came up with his family….

“Justin… you could be wrong as the day is long and she’d stand by you… Now she may say different when you two leave and talk about it but infront of me no…”

Have you thought about pre-marital counseling?… even if a relationship doesn’t have “problems” I always think that it’s good… it really gets some open communication open and boundaries of expectations so things like this can get hashed out pre-huge problem =)

Hope all gets worked out soon =)

Post # 15
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Why didn’t he just come sooner.. as in ..attend like a NORMAL person would, from the beginning of the shower.

It sounds like he is being really irresponsible for his own actions. Like come on dude get your shit together you are a big boy.

Sorry, not trying to be harsh, but I just cannot wrap my head around ADULTS acting like CHILDREN. If he wanted to be there when his family was there, then HE should have taken the adequate steps and made efforts on HIS OWN to ensure that. Now he is just blaming you because he is pissy that he missed his family and his family is pissy because they think that he didn’t attend.

I hope you two can work things out, but this just screams ridiculous (not on your part, but his and theirs).

Also the fact that he would say that he cannot stand you does not sit well with me.

Post # 16
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@missmouse29: I agree. This seems very silly.

Family is a deal breaker for me, I may not LOVE my Future in-laws but they are nice enough. I couldn’t deal with werid. Imagine yourself leaving your chldren with his mom…

Something else must be wrong, leaving before cake is werid.

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