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My fiance wants to go away on a guys weekend the weekend before the wedding

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
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    eastcoastwestcoast    3/20/10   NY

    We're having a joint 'bach' party in February, and it's not that I'm having any sort of issue with him going out with the guys before the wedding.  However, his family is coming in from the west coast the week before the wedding and he thinks that there is "NOTHING" left to do the week and a half before a wedding. He wants to go to Detroit for 4 days during this time... I haven't even let myself think about what I'll have to do those weeks, but what am I missing besides the following:

    get a marriage license, pay all of the vendors, finalize head counts, pack for our minimoon (actual honeymoon in June), set up a seating chart, organize relatives' transportation, set up the rehearsal dinner, we have to meet with the minister for the last time that weekend or in the meeting, finalize photography must-have list, set up all of my name change stuff, have to do the place cards, thank you notes for all of the gifts, final wedding gown fittings, ENTERTAIN HIS FAMILY, answering all of the questions for the guests that call, gifts for bm and gm, setting up favors, manicure and pedicure...

     

    Am I wrong to be upset about this?  What am I missing?

     
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    professorbee    8/8/09  

    My husband had an opportunity to participate in a conference in Washington two weeks before the wedding.  He decided against it, and after the wedding had frequently commented how glad he was to not have to worry about the conference on top of everything else we had to do.

     
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    Mrs. Dee to Bee    January 30, 2010   Louisville, KY (Wedding in TX)

    Yeah I think it's kind of a dumb idea to go away a week before. Perhaps you could express how stressed it makes you to think  of A) All the stuff you'd have to do by yourself if he leaves and B) What risks there could be cutting it so close to the big day...i.e. The Hangover movie? 

     
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    mountain.bride    December 12, 2009   Australia

    Could he go for 1-2 days rather than 4? We'll have one of our GMs visiting us for a week before the wedding and it's likely fi will take him out of town for 1 or 2 day trips during that week. To be honest I imagine I'll get more done with them out of the house :)

     
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    cheerful    September 2009 - eloped  

    4 days is a lot before the wedding... Aren't there ceremony programs? Last minute bow-tying on favors, etc.?

     
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    Tanya123      

    So are his parents coming to town, then he's going to skip town while they are here?

    That's not the best time to go.  So I would suggest he go before then.  If schedules make it impossible, I like the suggestion that he go for only a day or two.  Also, sit down with him and really figure out what needs to be done.  Make sure he really gives you a hand before he leaves.  Also, some of the things you listed can be done earlier. 

     
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    frozen yogurt    April, 2010  

    I think guys have a hard time realizing all the stuff that needs to be done before the wedding.  Maybe you could mention to him all the items that you will be finishing up and that you would love for him to help.  And compromise on another time he might be able to have a guys' weekend.

     
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    teaadntoast    04/23/2010   New York, NY

    That's a pretty extensive list, but I'm wondering if it would be possible for him to take responsibility for some of those tasks in advance, thereby freeing up time for his trip?

     
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    Br1tSh1n1ngStar    10/17/09   New Jersey

    I think you need to show him the list of stuff that has to get done and maybe ask him to make the guys weekend a little shorter.

    Can I also just throw out that you should get your marriage liscense sooner. I don't know NY law, but in NJ a liscense is valid for 30 days, and once you apply they have a 3 day holding period before  you can pick it up. I just want to caution against waiting until the week before the wedding to go only cause you don't want something to happen.

     
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    MsMarch2010    March 13, 2010   Huntington Beach, CA

    No way!  Like you don't have a ton of other things to worry about and then entertain his family by yourself.  I would put my foot down.

     
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    IA_Snowflake    August 29, 2009   Missouri Valley, IA

    If his family is going to be there, why isn't he entertaining them?  I think it would be perfectly fine to let him go before that, but just a few days before when his family is there - no way.  Is there some specific reason for why it has to be those EXACT dates?

     
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    Kittyachi    August 2010   New York

    Eww I would be putting my foot down with a big fat NO on that one.

     
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    Choco83    summer 2009   California

    oh honey i soooo feel you on this one.  i was in the same situation as you.  the very LAST weekend before the wedding hubby wanted to go and play poker and hang out with his friends. because he thought there was nothing to do. i was like "uhhh... hello? we still have programs to put together AND schedules to finalize, etc. etc". Luckily he came around (after a huuuuge blow up. our biggest ever). I hope it all works out for you!

     
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    HoneyBear    March 17, 2012   Texas/ Isla Mujeres

    You definitely need to sit him down and make sure he knows that there will be PLENTY for him to do the week before the wedding and that he should think twice about going. Not only should he be there to help you with finishing touches but he should be there for emotional support too!!! I have heard that the last month before the wedding is most stressful, I can only imagine the week before!

    Good luck sweetie!!!

     

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