My fiance's best friend is a gorgeous female and I hate it

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would this be a deal breaker for you?
    Yes : (59 votes)
    19 %
    No : (150 votes)
    47 %
    Possibly : (107 votes)
    34 %
  • Post # 107
    Member
    137 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    @tampalove35:  I love your post- Very Funny!

    The one thing that I don’t get is that you generally tell your best friend ‘everything’. I wouldn’t want my FI telling another woman intimate details about our relationship. (and lets face it, you would be kidding youself, if you think that he wouldn’t be sharing details about his relationship with his ‘best friend’. Its a little weird.

    Post # 108
    Member
    1079 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @angelinthesnowxo:  That’s cool 🙂 I think it comes down to the nature of the relationship between the married person and the single person. If it works for you, cool!

    Post # 109
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee

    @EmilyInIdaho:  How long have you and your SO been together?

    I trust him but I don’t trust her. She holds enormous sway in his life, which scares me. I’ve read their conversations and she definitely knows how to persuade him one way or another. I’m afraid to piss her off because I don’t want her to convince my fiance to pull the plug on our relationship. 

    This would be concerning to me. I understand that friends can be a big influence in people’s lives and Lord knows I’ve got friends who have an enormous impact on my life. Having said that, I would feel highly uncomfortable if my SO was afraid to disagree with my close friends or “piss them off” because of the fear that this would cause me to pull the plug on our relationship. It’s just not something that should cross your mind, since you are his fiancee.

    My fiance broke up with his ex girlfriend because his female friend convinced him that she was way too controlling. Like I said, she holds a lot of sway with him.

    Again, this is concerning to me. Was his ex-girlfriend actually controlling or did his female friend just not like her?

    I would be concerned about any situation where a friend is able to convince the other to break up with his/her romantic partner “just because.” That crosses a line I would not be comfortable crossing.

    I’ve tried getting closer to her but she resists. It’s like she has a wall up between us. Yes, she’s nice to me but it’s pretty clear she’s only nice to me because of my boyfriend. 

    This also is weird to me. I don’t think that you have to become best friends with her, but you’re both important people in your fiance’s life…wouldn’t it be natural to want to get to know one another and form some sort of bond/friendship? You certainly have at least one thing in common and probably many more.

    Again, I’m not talking about becoming BFFs, but I’d certainly expect to be friends on some level. You’re marrying this man and she is his best friend! Won’t you two be interacting with each other on a regular basis (dinner parties, holidays, birthdays, etc)?

    If I were this a situation, an alarm would be ringing in my head. Not on my BF’s end, but on her end. IMO she should want to get to know you and what you’re about.

    Getting to know your friend’s SO is part of the job description of “best friend” IMO. I want to get to know the significant others of my close friends for no other reason initially than because my close friends are with them–therefore they are likely to be an awesome person I’d get along with (Who doesn’t like meeting awesome new people?) and obviously if a close friend has taken interest in someone then it’s in my best interest as their friend to get to know that person and try to support the relationship (if it’s good for my friend). I’m gonna hang out with my friends’ SO’s at events anyway, so it makes sense to try to be friendly with them.

    For the most part, she respects our relationship. However, I don’t like when she signs off on texts saying, “Love you, ____!” or “Hugs and kisses!” Even when we’re all hanging out together, she’ll joke with my fiance and say something like, “Oh calm down, you know I love you!” I feel like that’s kind of crossing boundaries.

    If it happens occassionally, then okay, but if it happens all the time then I think it’s odd.

    I don’t do these types of things with my straight male friends. That would be crossing a boundary line I am not comfortable crossing.

    I guess the only thing I have to say about this is that I would think it’d depend on how they interact and how this fits into the context of their relationship (are they like brother + sister and have they known each other for their entire lives? does his female friend do these sorts of things with everyone?), but it does sound quite odd to me.

    Even if she was ugly, I’d feel like this was a tiny bit inappropriate. But again, I might be acting a little ridiculous here. It’s my time of the month so I’m a bit more emotional and shit right now. 

     Yup, I can see where you’re coming from. I don’t know if it helps that I affirmed I would feel similarly to how you’re feeling, but maybe it does.

    Do her and I really have to be friends though? I mean.. I’d kinda feel like I was intruding on their friendship a little bit. Even if we did become friends, we’d only be friends because we have to be, not because we want to be. It wouldn’t be genuine or at least not from her side.

    I don’t think you HAVE TO be friends, but it would only be natural, wouldn’t it? If you and she are going to be there for the rest of his life, you’ll hang out together in groups and go to the same parties and things. You’ll see her regularly. Wouldn’t it make sense to try to be friends? Not close friends, necessarily. Just some sort of friend. Then again, if she is closed off to you, there’s nothing you can do about it.

    I take a genuine interest in people, including my SO’s friends and the SO’s of my friends. I love meeting people, and in this way have made friendships with some really cool people my SO is friends with or my friends are dating. So perhaps I’m not the typical person, but it’d bother me if my SO’s close friends didn’t want to be friends with me while I was in a relationship with him.

    Post # 110
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee

    @EmilyInIdaho:  Oh btw, I would talk to your SO about the things that bother you. He will be able to give you more insight into who she is as a person and also their friendship. If you are engaged to be married, you should most certainly be able to talk to him about anything that could possibly come up (including this).

    Btw, I was in a situation where I thought that one of my SO’s close guy friends didn’t like me for a while, but my SO helped me understand that the teasing was actually a sign of affection. I wouldn’t have thought of it otherwise. I’m sure you’ll get good insight if you talk to your SO about this.

    Post # 111
    Member
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

     I read your other post about the ping pong and ” favorite hoodie:

     

    I would recommend some couple counseling to get to the bottom of the trust and jealousy issues that seem to keep coming up.

     

    Post # 112
    Member
    241 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

    LadyMoriarty :  but if that was the case don’t you think the guy would tell his own fiance that he helped her throufh something major not just keep her in the dark about why she holds him so dear and if he cant tell his own fi then there are even more problems then we realized

    Post # 113
    Member
    5544 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

    soexcited123 :  This thread is over 4 years old.

    Post # 114
    Member
    76 posts
    Worker bee

    Good thread though. HAHA. 

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