(Closed) My fiancé's mother is driving me crazy!!!!.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Could you change locations for the party?  If you fully host it, she doesn’t get a say in who to invite!

Post # 4
Member
12573 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well, a couple things:

(1) It doesn’t sound like she’s trying to be ridiculous by decorating.  That honestly seems to me like she’s trying to have a nice party for you.  I could be missing something, but as I read it, I didn’t see anything wrong with that.

(2) Traditional etiquette (I know, not the be-all-end-all) says that you don’t host your own engagement party.  Perhaps she was trying to appear to be the host to conform with that standard?

(3) If it’s at her house, she should be allowed to invite a few of her friends.  Not 50, but a handful.  If you’re paying for the majority though, you should be able to invite who you want.  If you made the invitations, send them out to whomever you wish.

Post # 5
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The rule about the tiers of family that are invited to functions don’t spread across the same way to the bride as they do to the groom. Maybe the grooms side of the family does not invite great aunts and uncles, but the bride’s side can if she is close with those family members.

Post # 6
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, if you don’t want her butting in on the party, throw it somewhere else. Also, I would consider calling it something else. Engagement parties are typically thrown by someone else for the bride and groom. She may be operating under that traditional wedding etiquette because it sounds like she is the host. 

As for the “saying mean things while drunk,” from now on, don’t be around her when she’s drunk. If you’re supposed to see/talk to her and she’s drunk, excuse yourself and have your FI say something to the tune of, “We will have to continue this gathering/conversation at a later date. I am uncomfortable around you when you have been drinking.” 

Post # 7
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have the same problem with my future MIL. She wasnt very happy for us when we got engaged, she said there was no need to get married if were living together. She didnt even want to see my ring. I think because she’s been with her bf for 15 years and still nothing. So maybe she’s mad that were getting married? idk. And she wants no part in the wedding. If we were $20 short and couldnt have the money if the wedding depended on it, she would not even think about giving it to us. And when we talk about the wedding she ignores us, the only thing she says is “everyone’s gonna think Im his sister, Im gonna look good.” I wish MIL’s didnt come with weddings. lol.

Post # 8
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

There are a few problems here. First you aren’t supposed to throw your own engagement party, it’s pretty rude actually. Second it is also rude to ask someone to host a party at their house. If they offer then accept, but you don’t ask. I think you should just be happy she is going along with all this even though it is beyond against ettiquette and good manners by a long shot.

Post # 10
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I guess I should mention that we threw our own engagement party, but it wasn’t really an engagement party. It was a small guest list of parents and bridal party only. We used it for my parents to meet my fiance’s parents and so the bridal party could meet each other and so we could announce our colors, theme and venue. It was more of a wedding planning meeting than anything. I didn’t consider it rude and I hope no one else did either. We had no expectation of gifts or what not although a few of my bridesmaids and parents did bring something.

Post # 11
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

 Is it too late to cancel the party? You should probably involve her as little as possible if she is as difficult and unpredictable as you say or it will be a very very loooong engagement. I haven’t been in this exact situation, but I know what it is like to be hated by your future mother in law. Mine lives in another country and thinks that I have brainwashed my Fiancé into marriage and prays daily that he will leave me and move “back home”. Also, she and all of his immediate family are boycotting the wedding because of her feelings about me. I just feel horrible for my fiancé because he will only have a handful of family members on the day.

Some people are just selfish and bitter and there is no changing them, so just focus on your happiness and the love you have as much as possible to overcome it!

Post # 13
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@abbie017:  Have to agree with all of this.

She may be a little overbearing or even bossy but she does sound like her heart’s in the right place. Try not to let it get to you. I’m sure the decorations and a few extra people won’t ruin your party at all 🙂

Post # 14
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

She can put whatever she likes around her own home whether it’s your party or not. 

Post # 15
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@FutureMrsW413:  Judt because people are doing it doesn’t make it correct. It has been accept as standard rule of thumb that you aren’t to throw any pre wedding parties for yourself. People bring presents to such events and other than your birthday it’s not acceptable to throw/plan a party that is meant as a gift giving event that benefits you. It is just general bad manners to throw such a party then impose on someone by saying ” Oh yeah, btw I’m having it at your house” and then get upset when they want say so. If you want no one else to have say so then don’t throw yourself a party at someone else’s house.

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