My fiance's niece asked to be a flower girl, how do I tell her no?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I’d just say “No, I’m sorry but we aren’t having a flower girl.” She will cope. 

Post # 3
Member
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would think FI should talk to his sister and the sister should break it to the little girl.

Unless, the little one got this in her head herself somehow and has been going on and on about it in which case you guys may need to be the bad guy the help out FI’s sister. You don’t have to live with the little one, mom does, and you might be doing her a big favor by being the one to break the news.

I do think your plan sounds good. Don’t focus so much on the reasons why she can’t do it, since she might try to reason her way around them. Instead focus on how she still gets to play dress up and take pictures with you. Very good plan.

Post # 4
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee

What about giving her a little job and giving her flowers to wear in her hair and include her in some photos. She could be ‘in charge’ of something and make her a little badge that she could wear at reception. Other than that just have your fiancé speak to his sis as it’s not something that should worry you.  Giving her a little job and humouring her so she feels special should take edge off any disappointment she feels. X

Post # 5
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

Did your FI already tell her yes when put on the spot? I think you both should tell her in person that you aren’t having a bridal party but would like her help elsewhere. 

Post # 6
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

kritenae:  Maybe she will forget about it? If she asks again then I would say no, sorry this is an adult only really boring party. 

Even if she is upset she will get over it

ETA: I would also ask SIL to help play down the wedding so its not such a big deal to her

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
Post # 7
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee

Has she been a flowergirl before? Any chance her mother or grandmother put the idea in her head? I don’t know why some people think that being in a bridal party is the be all and end of, of a little girls’ life.  We actually had some campaigning going on, to be in the bridal party of my first daughter’s wedding.

We had a similar situation, in my husband’s family, too. His sister in law pushed her daughter to ask to be the flower girl in two of her first cousin’s weddings. It didn’t work and my niece was livid that she even asked. She wasn’t close to either of her cousins/brides and would have been 14 at my 2nd daughter’s wedding. In fact, she wasn’t invited to either one.

Post # 8
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

well what did your fiance say when she asked?  If he already said yes, than that gets a little more complicated.  otherwise telling your sister in law “hey “susie” asked “mike” to be the flower girl, can you let her know that our wedding is small and there is no people standing up?”….i would think its no biggie

Post # 9
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

No need to try and sugar coat it. Just say no sorry, we aren’t having a flower girl at all. 

she’s a big girl, she can deal with it

Post # 10
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

My nieces & FI’s nieces have been flower girls in a couple of weddings. Even if they hadn’t, I think 8 year olds are savvy enough to know that flower girls are a thing, and I wouldn’t assume if they asked that it was because their mom had put them up to it. Its fine to tell her no, so long as FI didn’t tell her that she could be already. I agree with trying to give her a special job that isn’t a part of the ceremony would likely go a long way. It is sweet she wants to be a part of your special day, but not wanting kids involved in the ceremony is very reasonable and not uncommon, so the family should understand.

Post # 11
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

She’s 8…I think she’ll be fine if you tell her the truth.

Post # 12
Member
2275 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

My husband’s [much younger] sister asked to be a flower girl when we were planning our wedding & she was about the same age.  We just told her that we weren’t having any flower girls or ring bearers & moved the conversation right along.  She didn’t seem hurt or bothered by it 🙂

Post # 13
Member
262 posts
Helper bee

FH 10 year old neiece asked, i said “thats sweet but i think we’re skipping flower girl & ring bearer”  

Post # 14
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

kritenae:  I think you’re overthinking this. I really don’t think it’s a huge deal. Just tell her what you told us- you aren’t having a wedding party and then explain what that means in 8 year old terms. 

On another note, it is possible that FI’s sister could not control what her daughter said. I mean, she is only 8, and kids say things without discussing them with their parents  beforehand.

Post # 15
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Forest and Ball Room

I have a 7 year old daughter and if you just say “we aren’t having a flower girl” she should understand. Obviously don’t say it rude, but just tell her that its sweet she offered, she’d be a flower girl if you were having a bigger wedding you guys just are not. Tell her to take pictures with you and maybe find a job where she can help if its possible so she feels included? I’m not entirely sure, but at 8, as long as you aren’t harsh, she will understand. Or should.

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