Post # 1
My fiance’s 8 year old niece asked my fiance if she could be our flower girl the last time he was at his sister’s house for dinner (I was out of town when it happened). It’s weird me that my fiance’s sister let her daughter ask this, and since his sister encouraged us to elope, I know she appreciates my desire for a small, low key wedding. Also, we aren’t having a bridal party and we are getting married on national park land where we can’t even scatter petals or confetti or anything. More over, I don’t want the nieces, or any children at my wedding. The ceremony is standing only, and the reception is at a fancier, but smaller location (we already can only have 75 guests). I’m making an exception to allow the nieces to attend, but now feeling pressured to involve the one is really frustrating me. My plan is to have my fiance talk to his sister, but do we have to be the ones to break the bad news to the niece? I plan to cushion the blow by telling the niece she can wear a pretty dress and be in pictures. Good plan? What do you think?
Post # 2
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I’d just say “No, I’m sorry but we aren’t having a flower girl.” She will cope.
Post # 3
I would think FI should talk to his sister and the sister should break it to the little girl.
Unless, the little one got this in her head herself somehow and has been going on and on about it in which case you guys may need to be the bad guy the help out FI’s sister. You don’t have to live with the little one, mom does, and you might be doing her a big favor by being the one to break the news.
I do think your plan sounds good. Don’t focus so much on the reasons why she can’t do it, since she might try to reason her way around them. Instead focus on how she still gets to play dress up and take pictures with you. Very good plan.
Post # 4
What about giving her a little job and giving her flowers to wear in her hair and include her in some photos. She could be ‘in charge’ of something and make her a little badge that she could wear at reception. Other than that just have your fiancé speak to his sis as it’s not something that should worry you. Giving her a little job and humouring her so she feels special should take edge off any disappointment she feels. X
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
Did your FI already tell her yes when put on the spot? I think you both should tell her in person that you aren’t having a bridal party but would like her help elsewhere.
Post # 6
kritenae: Maybe she will forget about it? If she asks again then I would say no, sorry this is an adult only really boring party.
Even if she is upset she will get over it
ETA: I would also ask SIL to help play down the wedding so its not such a big deal to her
Post # 7
Has she been a flowergirl before? Any chance her mother or grandmother put the idea in her head? I don’t know why some people think that being in a bridal party is the be all and end of, of a little girls’ life. We actually had some campaigning going on, to be in the bridal party of my first daughter’s wedding.
We had a similar situation, in my husband’s family, too. His sister in law pushed her daughter to ask to be the flower girl in two of her first cousin’s weddings. It didn’t work and my niece was livid that she even asked. She wasn’t close to either of her cousins/brides and would have been 14 at my 2nd daughter’s wedding. In fact, she wasn’t invited to either one.
Post # 8
well what did your fiance say when she asked? If he already said yes, than that gets a little more complicated. otherwise telling your sister in law “hey “susie” asked “mike” to be the flower girl, can you let her know that our wedding is small and there is no people standing up?”….i would think its no biggie
Post # 9
No need to try and sugar coat it. Just say no sorry, we aren’t having a flower girl at all.
she’s a big girl, she can deal with it
Post # 10
My nieces & FI’s nieces have been flower girls in a couple of weddings. Even if they hadn’t, I think 8 year olds are savvy enough to know that flower girls are a thing, and I wouldn’t assume if they asked that it was because their mom had put them up to it. Its fine to tell her no, so long as FI didn’t tell her that she could be already. I agree with trying to give her a special job that isn’t a part of the ceremony would likely go a long way. It is sweet she wants to be a part of your special day, but not wanting kids involved in the ceremony is very reasonable and not uncommon, so the family should understand.
Post # 11
She’s 8…I think she’ll be fine if you tell her the truth.
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
My husband’s [much younger] sister asked to be a flower girl when we were planning our wedding & she was about the same age. We just told her that we weren’t having any flower girls or ring bearers & moved the conversation right along. She didn’t seem hurt or bothered by it 🙂
Post # 13
FH 10 year old neiece asked, i said “thats sweet but i think we’re skipping flower girl & ring bearer”
Post # 14
kritenae: I think you’re overthinking this. I really don’t think it’s a huge deal. Just tell her what you told us- you aren’t having a wedding party and then explain what that means in 8 year old terms.
On another note, it is possible that FI’s sister could not control what her daughter said. I mean, she is only 8, and kids say things without discussing them with their parents beforehand.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2014 - Forest and Ball Room
I have a 7 year old daughter and if you just say “we aren’t having a flower girl” she should understand. Obviously don’t say it rude, but just tell her that its sweet she offered, she’d be a flower girl if you were having a bigger wedding you guys just are not. Tell her to take pictures with you and maybe find a job where she can help if its possible so she feels included? I’m not entirely sure, but at 8, as long as you aren’t harsh, she will understand. Or should.