Weddingbee boards

My FI and I are having a way bigger wedding than either of us would like, to ensure everyone that is important to us and our parents are there. We calculated while guest list compliling we would have 30 children at 40 a head plus baby sitters if we invited everyone's child. It didn't fit with the venue, budget or the black tie optional affair we are having. I love kids. But our venue not a place for them. His parents asked us in April (our wedding is in three weeks) if we were inviting children because his cousin wanted to know to make plans since she was due in May. We explained the situation etc. to them and they agreed with us 100 percent. They have never mentioned it again. In trying to keep things as easy as possible for my FIs cousins, who are coming wtih breast feeding children, I found babysitters for them to hire at the hotel ONE block away from the venue. (We have 10 other breastfeeding mothers on our guest list, who will cost me $700 between per head cost and our babysitters). I asked his parents to find out how many of the relaitives were interested to let the babysitters know how many I needed. We got brought over there on Saturday, they asked to speak to us re: wedding. His dad is a total bully, then softy the next moment. He told me he wanted us to rethink our decision, acknowledged it was late in the game, and started screaming at me about how I have left them out of the process every step of the way, ignored their wishes and put them in uncomfortable positions. HIS MOM HAS COME TO EVERY ONE OF MY DRESS FITTINGS AND SHE CAME WHEN I BOGUHT MY DRESS. IVE BROUGHT OVER EVERY CONTRACT BEFORE I SIGNED IT, THEY TOURED OUR CHURCH, CAME TO THE TASTING, LOOKED AT EVERY INVITATION PROOF, OUR FAVOR IS IN HONOR OF THEIR RELATIVES. HE IS FING INSANE. Everything he siad, my FI even thinks is bullshit.  He told me today it is sad he likes my parents now more than his own. This went on for two hours and I just sat there listening to him yell at me. When we stood our ground they started telling us how they disagree with us but will support us etc. etc. and they only want us to be happy. I can't even stand to be in the same room with him now. And the sad part is I had a wonderful relationship with him before. He said some really screwed up things to me during this argument and targeted me for an hour of just screaming at me, questioning my morals, motivations and how I would care for my own children. My FI is scared of him, he tried to calm him but he never said HEY YOU DONT SPEAK TO HER LIKE THAT.  And I wasn't raised to let someone talk to me the way he did. So, I fired back in a polite way and told him not to talk to me like that. At that point my FI, did scale him back. But now they just want to act like this didn't happen. It did. I will never forget it and neither will my FI. I don't even have a question for anyone it just felt good to get it out.

I'm so sorry. I had a similar situation occur with my FIL/SIL. He might as well have reached across the table and slapped me in the face, with how he spoke to me. I know exactly what you mean about feeling like you will never forget and what was a nice relationship is completed soured. Time does make holding your tongue about what happened easier. I would wait to say anything until you feel you are past any anger, or you may say something you end up regretting. It sounds like your FI is very supportive.

I have to say this to myself at least once a week (between our two crazy sets of parents): We are the family now. Me and him, and whatever babies come. The rest of them are relatives. And while we can love and support them, nothing in the world matters more than protecting your family. While externally not much has changed about our interaction with ILs, emotionally it is a very effective shield.