- 9 years ago
- Wedding: June 2009
Hi all! I have never really written on here but I’m feel so frusterated I could use some fellow bride advise. I’ll start out by tell you a little background. I am getting married June 19… so in almost one month. We have been engaged since April 08 and planning almost since then. We are having a small wedding (100 guests). My fiance is Korean and so is his family. I am a mixed of several different cultures. My parents are paying for our wedding and have let us do whatever we want (within limits), they have not asked for one thing. They just want our day to be about us.
Ok, here the problem, my fiance’s parents keep making unreasonable demands and even if we say no, we find out later they have done it anyways.
Here are just some examples of things they are doing:
– When we told them we were only going to invite 100 people my FMIL said we had to change our reception site so we can invite more people because that was way too small. They had 200 people they just wanted to invite. When we said no to this she said they would just pay for the wedding then because my parents could clearly not afford it and that is why we’re having a small wedding. (Just to be clear, we are having a small wedding because we don’t like being infront of people so we’re just inviting family and very close friends so we’ll feel comfortable.)
– When we gave her the guest list and asked her to give us addresses of some of our guests she gave us the list back with 2 extra pages of people she wanted to invite. We then explained to her that we wanted things to be fair and therefore my fiance invite 60 people and I invited 60 people. She seemed to understand this but just last week when we were going to RSVP number she told me to add 8 people to the total because she had invited some people of her own. UGH!
– Our wedding colors are black, white and red. My FMIL asked me what color my mom was wearing and I told her black. She then said black was hideous and that was horrible that my mom would wear that. She was going to wear pink and so should my mom because that is a traditional Korean family color and that’s what you do at a Korean wedding. (ok, that’s fine but we aren’t having a Korean wedding because my fiance didn’t want one. He’s never been to one so I felt there was no need for one)
– They told us last week they would be bringing their own food to our reception. (We’re having a buffet with chicken, prime rib and sides) They said they wanted Korean food. (We picked out the menu over a year ago and they tell us this a month before the wedding?!) Plus, we begged they to make Korean food for the rehearsal dinner and they refused saying it would be too much work.
– My FMIL insisted that we have a pictures taken with all her family members (over 40 people) even though we’ve sad we don’t have time, space or shots to do this. My family isn’t doing this. So then she said they will be at the church at 11 to take pictures. We’ve told her no over and over but she just does what she wants and I’m sure they’ll all show up to take pictures when my fiance and I just want pictures of the 2 of us. I mean, it is OUR wedding day!
– My FMIL insistes all the women in her family wear matching pink dresses even though none of them want to and everyone insisted only bridesmaids have to match.
– My fiance’s uncle was angery at us for not inviting his in-laws. People we have never met and who are not related to us.
– His other uncle was mad because his daughter is not our flower girl… she’s 11 years old!
– His other uncle called and asked us if he could invited 2 of his friend, who once and again we have never even met.
These are just a few things that I have been dealing with since we got engaged and now since our wedding is so close things are at a fever pitch. It’s just so frusterating to me because I’ve been planning this wedding all alone and his family member have ever offered to help, they just keep asking for more and more and getting angery. When we tell them no, they do it anyways. I just feel so sad and disrespected. This day is supposed to be about us and no one else. All of this is starting to really wear on me. With all the stress of the wedding and stuff I just feel like this day may end up not feeling like our day at all and that is so not what we want. My parents have been hurt because it’s their money and his family thinks they can do whatever they want with it. My parents feel disrespected because my FMIL implicated they couldn’t afford to pay for their daughter’s wedding. I know they want Korean in the wedding but they should have said that a year ago. I know nothing abotu Korean weddings and neither does my fiance but yet my FILs keep saying "well at Korean wedding we…." I’m sorry and I don’t mean to offend but we are not having a Korean wedding.
Ok sorry that was long but I could really use some advise. We haven’t had anything else in our wedding be stressful…. it’s just them, causing all the headaches and stress. I’m just so upset.