(Closed) My FILs are driving my nuts!

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

WOW!!  First off, sorry you have to deal with this.  Especially now, just a month before the wedding when you’ve got a ton of other things to worry about!

Second, here’s some advice – let it go.  I know it’s easier said than done, believe me.  That being said, as long as you and your FI are on the same page (no to pics with family before hand, etc), just stick to your guns and let your in laws do what they want – because they’re going to do it anyway.  Just worry about the things YOU can control.  Remember, this day is about the two of you and if your MIL can’t understand that, then let them bring their Korean food to the reception and let them be.  People will wonder why your inlaws are doing this, but they’ll think your inlaws are weird – not you.  Same with the MOB dress and MOG dress – if your MIL wants to wear pink, let her.  Who cares.  Your mom will look fantastic in black and that’s all that matters.  Years from now when you’re looking at pictures, your MIL will be the ones that sticks out like a sore thumb, and you’ll laugh. 

Some people (like your MIL) just don’t see the big picture, and now, a month before your wedding, there’s no fixing it.  So just enjoy these last few weeks of being engaged and reflecting upon the HUGE step you’re about to take.  Afterall, thats what the day is really about.

 Best of luck and please don’t let your MIL stress you out like this – thats exactly the reaction she wants!  If you just act like it doesn’t bother you she may stop… but she may not, so just breathe!!

Post # 4
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee

I can understand the difficulty you’re going through.  Because I’m Chinese and have parents who are very traditional, they want to invite all friends and relatives (some of which I’ve only met once).  I think most of it is out of respect to close relatives (whether they come or not) and some of it is pride.  They know that this is their son and he will only get married once, so they want to broadcast it to everyone.

I got into many fights with my father over this.  He wanted to invite more people than we wanted and I told him it was a small wedding.  A think after a lot of talk and my mom talking to him, I was able to invite the people I wanted to.  He realized it was my day and not his.

As far as colors are concerned, I too wanted to have the bridal party wear black but my mom wouldn’t allow it.  She said that black is a sign of bad luck and is only used for people who are going to funerals.  I have decided on a chocolate brown (that is almost as close to black as you can get).  It’s very elegant and will go really well with the white and green flowers I plan to have as centerpieces.

Since I do work for a Korean company, sometimes it’s very important in their culture to have some of their food represented on a special day like a wedding.  Trust me, after working for a Korean company for almost a year now, I can’t live without my kimchi!  I know that at our Holiday Christmas Party (which I am planning for our company), it will be a combination of either American or Korean food.  This has been mostly in part of the expatriates’ wives who are Korean and don’t know how to eat American food and feel uncomfortable eating it.

Email me if you need any more advice on how to deal with your future in-laws.  Although I am Chinese I work for a Korean company and I’m marrying a caucasian.

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