Post # 1
My fiancé asked me to come over to help him clean his parents house.
The house has a distinctive smell: a cross between cat piss, dog poop, and dirt. I figured that was just from them not keeping up with the care of their animals properly.
But the kitchen, OMG. Bugs thankfully not roaches but more like mealworms and ants, three to four trash bags of expired food (2011) and food wrappers everywhere, a dishwasher that looks like a time capsule of the 80s, and the dish drying rack with mold growing on it.
I’m not even going to get into the non guest bathrooms, and bedrooms. Let’s just say its reminiscent of a frat house after the campus bash.
I’m flabbergasted that they (his mom, dad, and sister) live like this and haven’t figured out why they are sick all the time.
Let alone I’m disgusted that his mom and sister are always talking about bringing in food at work.
Don’t get me wrong, my house isn’t white glove test ready but at least it’s cleaned and disinfected once a week with mini cleanups daily.
I feel so horrible for my fiancé, now that he’s living at his parents home until we get married. No wonder he spends most of his time at work or at my house for dinner and a shower and only returns to his parents house to sleep.
I was only there a couple of hours and I’m ready to shower and burn my clothes.
Post # 3
Why has it taken your FI this long to do something about the condition of the home he shares with his parents?
Post # 4
@gemchick82: I also dated a guy with a serious hoarder family!
It was disgusting. They’d invite people over for Thanksgiving, and no one would eat… Or sit, because EVERYTHING was covered in STUFF!
Post # 5
First and foremost… a HUGE Round of Applause for BOTH you and your Fiance.
You may have been grossed out… but clearly it shows how much he LOVES you to trust you enough with this info.
(BTW… I get WHY you are posting this / venting here on WBee… but in reality, he may not appreciate you talking about / standing in judgement on the family he loves. Not to say he doesn’t KNOW what is going on, but maybe he’s not that keen to share it with the world … you know. So you might want to keep this under your hat in real life)
My guess is something is going on in the home if it is as bad as you’ve described.
People / Families that have “issues” with Home Management or Hoarding, typically have a medical problem that have tipped the scale in that direction… be it something physcial or mental.
(Sometimes a huge tragic event / sense of loss for example, can account for this type of situation… )
Try to be patient & understanding with your Fiance, and maybe he’ll reveal more.
Post # 6
Yikes. Even if they are hoarders, I completely understand why you would be so disgusted.
I feel so bad for your fiance and his sister.
How did the clean up go? Were you able to get the kitchen disinfected?
Post # 7
@gemchick82: Oh your poor FI! Good for you for helping out with that mess for your FI’s sake.
How old is his sister? Is she able to remove herself from the situation anytime soon?
Post # 8
Um, I’ve been in a LOT of frat houses (went to a big Greek school), and none were that gross, ha!
Good for you and your FI for cleaning up for them. Do the FILs see therapists? Or are they disabled and/or otherwise can’t clean up after themselves?
Post # 9
Thanks everyone for your replies. It’s been really hard trying to deal with my FILs on all fronts from the wedding to even the most general stuff. I really don’t have anyone else to talk to about this and I try to limit what I say to my family and friends about it, because I don’t want that to taint my family’s and friend’s opinion of my fiancé.
The cleanup went as well as could be expected. Basically, I followed my fiancé’s lead on exactly how through of a clean he wanted to get. We could have done more but his family is very sensitive to the smell of bleach so there’s only so much you can do and air out and for the next several weeks he would be fielding questions about “where is this?” despite having put things back exactly where they were. Either way, at least the common areas are cleaned up, which is a start.
When they got home they were outwardly happy but internally upset that we cleaned at all. I know we are all different, but, I just don’t get how anyone can not feel claustrophobic in the chaos. Oh and ya’ll are right his family does have quite a few issues (medical, mental, etc); but for whatever reason they are not dealing with them. I think that’s the most frustrating part of this is three grown adults (mom, dad, and sis) who are able bodied and would rather sit in filth than take 10 minutes daily to pick up after themselves. The whole thing makes me really sad, especially when I think about his sister. She’s 30 something, never moved out, barely cooks, and doesn’t clean. I don’t know many guys who would sign up for that type of life with her. Very sad.