My friend won't talk to me since I got engaged..

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Laurenskii:  could he be harbouring feelings for you? And now that you’re engaged he officially can’t have you..

Sounds weird and if you didn’t do anything other than get engaged, I’d say thats it..

Post # 4
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Laurenskii:  hmm maybe there was something more there. i’ve always thought guys are better at hiding these things than women…

Post # 5
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

It wasn’t as platonic from him as you thought/hoped.

Story as old as time.

Post # 7
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Laurenskii:  yea definately sounds like he had feelings for you…I had a friend like this and jus had to leave it alone…try calling him..maybe he can explain his behavior…it could also be him giving you space. I have had make friends that backed away when i got in a relationship and especially when I go engaged out of respect for my relation and my fiance…I would definately try to talk to him though

Post # 8
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Laurenskii:  i’m sure he was and is, but he is probably needing to work through some things in his head first.

Post # 11
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Laurenskii:  Heh, my bets are that he did have feelings for you. You dating wasn’t a big deal because it probably always seemed temporary so he could hold out hope. But now that you’re engaged he’s realizing he will never have a chance with you.

Other possibilities are that he’s suddenly freaking out that you’ll be in a different stage in life, and maybe won’t be hanging out with him and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

It could also be causing a personal crisis that his own friends are moving into a mature, adult, responsible for someone other than yourself stage of life, and he is falling behind, watching others move forward as he is left behind. He could be immature enough that rather than seeking to move forward, he wants to hold on to his current carefree lifestyle and is bitter toward others for not wanting that too.

Of course one form of immaturity usually precludes another, so he is not going to make much effort to respond to your engagement like an adult, because he’s too busy pitying himself.

Post # 13
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First & foremost I am very sorry you are going thru this… it sucks.

(( HUGS ))

@joya_aspera:  said:

It wasn’t as platonic from him as you thought/hoped.

Story as old as time.

100% this. 

The Hive always go into a tither when I bring up that Men & Women cannot truly be platonic friends… but I cannot tell you how many times in my 50+ years I’ve heard this story… and it can go either way… a guy “hanging on” to a woman he wants more from, or a woman doing the same for some guy.

I know it is SAD when you are the one who didn’t see it coming… thought it was “just friends”… but more often than not, guys will tell you the truth if you ask them

Ask a casual guy you know “If a guy is hanging out with a girl one on one even if she is involved with someone is he hoping for more, is he hoping he’ll turn her head / change her mind ?”

And most guys will say “H3ll ya… otherwise I’d be doing something else with my time”

Or ask the guy who hanging around you…

“Wondering, IF I WAS AVAILABLE… would you be interested in me in a Dating sort of way ?”

The answers have surprised more than one girl (cause we don’t generally think like men do, so we cannot see it from their POV)

Here is a great Steve Harvey video that sums up this situation… on can Men & Women truly be friends = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0-e5MWnjic

This is WHY Mr TTR and have a boundary rule in our relationship, we both can have as many friends as we wish… BUT if they are opposite sex friends we don’t see them alone.  There is always a couple present (be it us… or in the case of a married couple, then their spouse)

It isn’t that we don’t trust each other… cause we do.  In truth it is because we don’t trust other people.  It takes very little for things to change… a misspoke word – a touch – etc. And pretty soon you the innocent party are in an uncomfortable situation with someone whom you trusted / considered to be a friend.  We don’t risk that, our relationship is too valuable to us.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 14
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

what is his opinion of you FI? maybe he is holding back feelings about your fiancé like there is something bad between them or he dislikes him… either way that is super annoying!! I would come right out and ask him. Unlike other posters I don’t think it’s 100% because he may have had feelings for you. 

Post # 16
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper

How about maybe he is just being respectful of your relationship and changing things he thinks won’t become an issue with your FI? The ‘rules’ have changed since you’ve become engaged.  He’s slowly backing off and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. If you haven’t done anything to offend him, just give him time . If there’s still a friendship he wants to continue, he’ll contact you.

 

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