(Closed) My first Advice Post :) And its a Doozy (long)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t know if this is advice necessarily, but if they’re that fickle, you probably didn’t want to be frends with them in the first place. Think of it this way: When you’re wedding rolls around, that’s just that many fewer invites you have to pay for. 

Post # 4
Member
4415 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m sorry your friends are being that way. From what you described, it may be that you’ve outgrown these particular friends.

Friendships come in seasons… Some friends are short-term, who are part of your life for maybe a day or a year, maybe longer, but they are your friends for a season when you have something in common.

Other friends are life-long friends, the kind that you relate to on a deeper level than just having something in common. These are the friends who will be happy for you no matter how you change or how your life changes. You could go for years without talking to them, and then one day pick up the phone and it will be as if no time as passed at all.

The short-term friends are not bad friends, they just aren’t friends who came into your life for the long-term. They come into your life to fill a need, to teach you something or to just share a temporary phase of your life with, and once those things have passed, so does the friendship.

It is sad when the short-term friendships fade, but when you look back later, you’ll realize that although they were important at that particular time, you life has changed and they just don’t fit into it the way they used to fit. And, you’ll realize that other friends have come into your life who you relate to better who fill the void left by the friends who have gone their separate ways.

Also, I don’t think these friends you’re talking about are unhappy or upset that you’re relationship is going well…they might just have recognized a little sooner than you have that you’re moving on from your friendship with them.

Enjoy your relationship with your BF, and don’t worry about those friends… You’re happy and it sounds like you’ve found someone wonderful who is ready to be with you through all the seasons.

Congratulations on finding someone so wonderful who wants to be with you for the rest of his life!

Post # 7
Member
4415 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Bellanouva:  First off, thank you… Oh, and Arthur was my favorite film.

Your codes of loyalty aren’t outdated. You just might be applying them to the wrong people in this particular case. And it is perfectly understandable to be sad that these aren’t the friends who will be going on with you for a lifetime.

I’m sure they are sad to see you moving on also, but they already see that they won’t be comfortable fitting in with your new life. Now maybe some of them will decide they want to fit in, and they’ll make the effort to do so. Others are just plain jealous, and they won’t change and move on with you.

It is really good to want strong female relationships… But remember, you’re going to want strong female relationships that make you feel good about your life choices, who support you no matter what, and who stand up for you when you’ve been hurt. These kinds of relationships are hard to find among women, but when you do find them, they’re like gold and you know it.

And remember, you and your boyfriend will be meeting lots of people as you go through your lives together, and you will find new friends who will meet all of the things you need in your life to keep it healthy. You don’t want those people around you who say cutting negative remarks right now, because you have too much stuff to be positive about…

 

Post # 8
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Well, my friends didn’t do this to me when I got engaged, but I do know what it’s like to think your friends are life-long and you find out that they might not be. I have a friend (I don’t know if we’ll be friends here in a few months.) who is still mad at me for not being grateful that she brought something to my attention. I’m not going to sit here and say what it is, but I can assure you that what she brought up was seriously a non-issue. Then I have another friend who’s in the middle of all this who brought up issues and was more than understanding when I explained. There’s no anger there at all.

And as others said, your codes of loyalty are not outdated. I’ve always been extremely loyal to my friends, and I’m not friends with just anybody. There has to be a special connection there, and that’s why it hurts all the more when those friends turn out not to be the life-long friends you imagined they were. It broke my heart, it still hurts, to see that I might be losing the person who I considered my best friend since sixth grade.

All you can do is know that you’ve got something good and continue to live your life. It sounds like they just don’t fit into your life as well as they once did. I certainly hope your friends come around. It’s possible that they’re just shocked, but once it sinks in, they’ll be there for you. There is definitely an adjustment period when a friend becomes serious with a boyfriend.

Post # 11
Member
4415 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Bellanouva:  You’re welcome.  I’m glad talking about it helped.

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