Post # 1
So, I have been lurking on the boards for a few weeks now but finally made myself a profile!
Anyway, I need some help from other brides to be, they arent close to me because I feel like I need some advice from those who are completely removed from me and this situation.
I went dress shopping for the first time yesterday and I found my dress! This was supposed to be a happy time for me but something kept nagging at me and totally ruined my day. One of my bridesmaids, who I have been close friends with for 15 years was not with me yesterday. The reason is because I did not invite her. The reason I did not extend the invite is because for some time now, I feel as though she does not have time for our relationship and she feels as though since we have been friends for so long that I will always just be there for her without her having to put any effort into our friendship. She never asks me hang out, and if I ask her she is always too busy or is spending time with other people. The catch is, my fiancee is best friends with her fiancee and in fact, is the best man in our wedding. The only time we ever spend time together as friends is when there is a big group of us having a party and we barely even talk because there is so much else going on.
I didnt ask her because I did not want to be disappointed in her telling me that she was too busy on such a big day for me. I found out later that she actually didnt even have plans yesterday. I also learned that she was very hurt by the fact that I didnt ask her and now I am racked with guilt. I am also angry with her for putting me in this situation because she hasnt been the most supportive of a friend to me for some time now. I still love her with all of my heart and I still want her to be part of my big day but now I feel like our relationship is beyond strained and I don’t know what to do.
Any words of wisdom out there for me? I am terribly sad and now I am even starting to 2nd guess my dress because I feel as though since everyone wasnt there to share the day with me it is the wrong one!!!
Post # 3
you need to have a talk with her. tell her what you’re feeling and why you didn’t extend the invitation. stick with “i feel” statements though, and don’t be accusatory.
Post # 4
It seems to me that this early in the process honesty is the best policy. Since you have been friends with her for so long, I would suggest sitting down and having a much needed heart to heart, before this becomes an even bigger deal. I don’t think there is anything wrong with telling her what you just told us here. Explain that in this incredibly happy time you don’t want to force people to share the journey, but how much it would mean to you if she came along for the ride. Maybe the distance you feel is just something going on with her, but it is better to get it all out there rather than letting it simmer and grow. Just my two cents.
Post # 5
I second Kitzy. It’s no wonder she’s hurt. Let me tell you, I never see my best friend, she lives on the other side of the country. We rarely talk on the phone, because we’re not really phone people. We are both busy with our lives, but when I go home to visit, we make as much time for each other as possible. All I’m saying is time together doesn’t equal friendship importance, at all.
Good luck, I hope you can mend your friendship!
Post # 6
I agree with everyone else. Just tell her honestly what you have been feeling about your relationship and why you didn’t invite her to go dress shopping. It’s tough when you get older to maintain relationships since your lives are so busy, hopefully you two can work it out!
Welcome to weddingbee!
Post # 7
Talk to her. It may be awkward and hard, but you always have a supportive community to fall back on here.
Post # 8
Thanks ladies! We actually did talk today and had a true heart to heart. She apologized for her lack of support lately and explained that she has a ton of things that have been preoccupied with and realized she needs to check in with me a little more.
We have plans to do brunch on Saturday and I am going to go try on my dress again for her. It all worked out!