Post # 1
Hello everyone. I was on here when I was wating and everyone was very helpful so now that I am planning I am back. So we just chose our wedding venue about a month or so ago and I started picking my bridal party. I have decided on family bridesmaids, but I don’t have much room for friends so I am still deciding. We decided to give a small gift and a card out on Christmas/Chirstmas eve for our bridesmaids. Everyone was excited and everything was happy. Now yesterday my fiances mother calls him and tells him she just got a call from his aunt and she was very upset because his cousins were all upset that we did not choose them to be in our bridal party. Now there is a bunch of drama, everyone trying to tell me who to put in my bridal party, and I haven’t even finished putting MY OWN friends and family in. His family and friends are already dominating our bridal party that we have chosen, we have 15 total and only 5 of them are mine.
Now for the past 2 days straight I have been hearing opinions about who I should and should not put in. How it will cause drama if I don’t put them in. I have been quietly shaking my head and pretending to be considering people. Some of his cousins are under 18 and I am almost 26 and trying to keep my bridal party over 21 so I don’t have to sacrifice doing certain things together so others will be able to participate. I am not going to give in and have these people in my wedding party. My fiance and I are paying for this out of pocket and I know people who arent getting married don’t understand that every person we add to the bridal party is another expense we have to put out (Bigger limo, more people at the rehersal dinner, more bridal party gifts to buy).
I’m sure someone else has had to deal with this before, so does anyone have any advice on how to tell these people no and try to stop the drama here. I shoud note that FI’s family are like drama magnets, if there is none they will create it. Any advice on how to tell overreactive drama queens no?
Post # 3
My Future Mother-In-Law really wanted my Future Sister-In-Law as a bm but I went against it. Its your wedding, your choice. No ifs ands or buts about it. Do what you want or you will regret it.
Post # 4
Exactly what @MissEMich: said! Its your day, your wedding, your bridal party. I would tell her that you have already decided and that’s it. My Fiance just went through this today with my Future Mother-In-Law trying to dictate who he has as his best man.
Post # 5
Anyway — I haven’t had t deal with this (yet), but have you talked to your FI? How does he feel & what has he said to his family about it? The only thing I can think of is capping your bridal party at a certain number – and, unless you have a sister or someone iny our family you are SUPER close to, keep it at all friends. This way you’re not playing favorite — it’s kind of all or nothing. FWIW, I don’t think someone needs to be in the bridal party just because they are related/are going to be related. There’s other ways to get the others involved: readings, ushers/escorts,etc.
Post # 6
@thefuturemrsD: With 15 people in your bridal party and family members who apparently like to stir it up* you are going to have plenty of drama, get geared up for it.
*your FI’s mother didn’t have to tell you about how “upset” her sister was because it just doens’t matter. She could have stopped the drama at her end. So if this is how she act, presumably that’s what goes on in this family.
Post # 7
seriously its your day!! don’t let anybody but you and your fiancee make decisions, if nobody else is helping pay the bill then why are they even bothering you..
Post # 8
@thefuturemrsD: Remember this and use it often: (smile) “Thank you. I will consider that.” And then promptly forget whatever was said.
And I find it ridiculous that these young women were sad they weren’t asked. I mean, really??
Post # 9
Yea right now it is my 2 Future Sister-In-Law my and my 3 close cousins who are pretty much my best friends and also trying to decide on a college roomate. I do not want to have to add anymore people. My Fiance has 6 groomsmen 2 and we also have 2 ring bearers and a flower girl. I really think that is too many people as it is.
@gelanine22 I am planning on just telling her no, since I refuse to add more to the bridal party, but it’s a drama loving family so I’m still deciding how to do it so she wont start more drama.
@MsAmandaAnn aww yay! I’m excited someone else has that date too. I was thinking I was weird doing a Sunday! Thats exactly what I did. I sat there and thought who am I close with now that I will still be close with 10 years from now since I will have to look at them in my wedding pictures.
My Fiance is still not very good at standing up to his family, he is getting there, but is sort of the submissive type. He would rather ignore the problem and agree with people (but not actually do what he said) to avoid confrontation and problems. I think with this problem if it gets out of hand (which it probably will) he will step in and say something, but they will still hound me about it and make me out to be a horrible person first. I know I won’t be able to make everyone happy hopefully no one will get too ridiculous!
Post # 10
It’s your wedding and your bridal party! Put your foot down now or you’re going to have one major rollercoaster ride until your wedding! Good luck and stay strong!
Post # 11
It is your day and they have to understand that. You can’t have EVERYONE be in the wedding party. Besides, they are his cousins which is way different than you asking your cousins. You choose your bridesmaids, he chooses his groomsmen.. I am sure you have male cousins and your family isn’t harrasing him about asking them!! My Future Mother-In-Law was a little uspet because she thought I should have asked my Future Sister-In-Law (her daughter) and my FBIL’s fiance (her son’s fiance) to be in my wedding party but my Fiance and I refused to do more than 3 bridesmaids and groosmen per person. I choose my two best friends from college who have been there for me through everything and my cousin who has been more like a sister. I am not close with his sister or brother’s Fiance (in fact, sometimes I can’t stand them), He understood but his mom didn’t understand. She thought that because my Fiance has his brother as a groomsmen, I should have asked his sister and brother’s Fiance. But ultimately, she has to respect and get over it because its MY decision.
Post # 12
You already know what the answer is. I mean you already have 15, how many could there possibly be? You SHOULD have some BMs consisting of those nearest to your heart and not be upset over “obligatory” BMs. Even more so since you and Fiance are footing the bill. It is virtually impossible to make everyone happy, so please, make yourselves happy on your wedding day!
Post # 13
When your fiance got the phone call from his mother (on behalf of his aunt), why didn’t Fiance tell her to butt out?
(And I find it very telling that these cousins don’t even know Fiance well enough (let alone you) to complain directly).
You shouldn’t need to do anything. They are FI’s family, he needs to tell them the answer is no.