- 9 years ago
- Wedding: April 2010
I don’t think I need advice, but I did want to say that last night I finally felt a little of what it would be like to be a DIL. Background: My FH and I have lived independently for many years. Our two apartments are full of furniture that I have had over time and if we got married tomorrow and moved in together, we could do everything we regularly do and be very happy. We love to cook, so we have (almost) everything we need to do so. That being said, our registry is a wish list, not a needs list, so we registered for things that are nicer than what we have or would normally buy on our own. Not that our registry needs defending, but that’s the story on us.
For some reason not understood by myself, my FMIL is obsessed with our registry. As soon as we got engaged, she expressed interest in helping with our invitations and our registry. I brushed it off, but in the last couple weeks, my FH has received many emails/phone calls about what we should do with the registry. She thinks we’ve registered for things that are too expensive and not worth it, and we’ve registered for too many things (we’re inviting 250 people and I have actually been told we need more items!) Mind you, we haven’t sent out Save the Dates, few people know about our website even! No one has even cared to look at the registry except for her.
The final straw was last night when my FH received a mailed letter from his mom scrutinizing every thing she thought was wrong (printed, with highlighted and bolded words).
I put on my best smile when I called her back (my FH was so upset that he had to get off the phone). I was calm and collected and I told her that this wasn’t okay to talk about this subject anymore because it wasn’t an issue. I explained that it wasn’t fair to FH and to me to get us upset about something so trivial. I told her she had to get over it (in the nicest way possible! Seriously, I am not normally that calm when I’m so upset.)
It was the first time that I put my foot down for my new family and it felt good!
I’m sure she is upset (she did apologize to both of us, but I know that what I did will have repercussions later in our relationship. Let’s not even discuss what will happen when we start doing seating charts, much less having children!!) FH and I are both pleasers and we want everyone to like us. But it was the first time where I felt like, wow, this is my family now and I will fight tooth and nail (but with a ton of honey) to make sure we’re protected and our decisions are respected. I was raised in a family where we were encouraged to be ourselves and to speak about our feelings, where as FH has always been somewhat discouraged by his family’s communication and general support for decisions he makes. Those differences I guess finally came to a head over the registry! Go figure.
If you’re still reading, what was the first time you felt like you and your FH were finally going to be a family? Or when’s the first time you had to have a real discussion with your FILs? (even over a trivial matter!)