Post # 1
Well, Hive, I had my first time dealing with the, “Zomg when are you having babies?!?!?” question. Here’s how it went:
I’m playing around on my phone minding my own business when I get a Facebook message from a girl I knew in high school. We’re Facebook friends, though I’m not entirely sure why. I don’t know that I’ve ever had an actual face-to-face conversation with her. She starts with just basic small talk, asking how I am, saying congrats on the marriage, that kind of stuff. Then it comes….
Her: Any babies yet?
Me: Lol, no we’re not planning on having any kids.
Her: I always thought you’d have one. You were a nice person in school.
Me: I’m still a nice person. I just don’t have any desire to be a parent.
Her: OK lol
I refrained from engaging in an internet argument with someone who clearly doesn’t understand my perspective. Then I unfriended her because, frankly, I have no idea how she wound up on my friends list in the first place. Then I realized that I’m going to be dealing with invasive questions like this for a long time.
Help me out, CBC Bees. What’s your go-to response when people get all sanctiMommyious, motherhood-is-the-meaning-of-life on you?
Post # 3
Haha you should have said:
“I’m actually not a nice person. I like to kick puppies.”
Post # 4
Post # 5
@s2bmrscook: i think it’s so rude for people to ask couples that personal question, regardless of the reasoning behind it.
when they do ask, maybe just keep the answer short and sweet and then change the subject. you really don’t need to explain your decision to anyone.
i know that my answer caught those noisy nancies off guard. “i can’t have children”.
Post # 6
@mypinkshoes: I tried that once. But instead of leaving it at that, I (with my inevitable word vomit) gave the whole spiel on how the scar on my belly goes very deep and may not stretch and could crush a baby or I’d rip open like a scene from Alien and so I think it’s better we just not have kids to avoid either one of those scenarios. I can be a spaz sometimes lol. I’ll try just keeping it shorter and see if that works!
Post # 7
- Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo
We just say that we’re not planning on having kids/don’t want kids. Or, if I’m feeling snarky, “we don’t do that.” Half the time that works, half the time people try to convince us of shy we’re wrong. The usual: kids change you, it’s different when they’re yours, you’d be such a good mom, you’ll change your mind someday. Sigh. I’ll give it one more try with the, we don’t want kids/it’s not for us thing, then I get bitchy. Sometimes there’s no reasoning with people. I’ve heard that telling people that you can’t have kids shuts them right up, but I feel like that’s sort of unfair to actual infertile couples who do want kids and can’t get pregnant. I’ve also said “I have something in my uterus that’s better than a baby.” It’s a Mirena, but usually once you start talking about internal organs people sort of back off.
Side note: WTF is wrong with people? I don’t go around asking people when they’re going to have kid #3 or why they stopped at 4 or whether their sex lives are planned around her cycles.
Post # 8
@s2bmrscook: sanctimommyious bahahaha!!! I’m using this!!!
Post # 9
@soontobeMrsBoo: I’m thinking of turning around their arguments and putting it back on them. “Its different when they’re your kids!’ “Exactly! You’re stuck with them!!”
@wrkbrk: Please do! It’s a perfect word!
Post # 10
@s2bmrscook: I would be so tempted to fire back, “You mean, have we started having unprotected sex yet? No.” Seriously, that is what these people are essentially asking. It would be so funny to see them get all awkward and uncomfortable when you mention the s-word.
Post # 11
Just tell them you’re not having kids and if they get all huffy about it, that’s not your problem.
Frankly, I think it’s really rude to ask people if or when they’re going to have kids, or how many they want, or any question like that. I’m definitely going to have a child someday, but I certainly don’t want people asking me when or how many I want or whatever. It’s none of their business! Just like it’s nobody’s business whether someone wants to remain child free. It’s the way you choose to live your life.
Post # 12
@MrsNewDay: Love it!
I am excited to use a variation of this on my MIL when that crap starts.
I just enjoy bringing the awkwawrd. Then… stare down!
Post # 13
We do plan on having kids, but I also HATE bein asked about it. Usually something along the lines of “I’ll be sure to let you know once we start having unprotected sex! Do you have any suggestions for positions?” shuts them right up.
Post # 14
I always avoided the question by winking and claiming that – we are working on it! Wink wink. That usually shuts them up, at least for a while. Its nobody’s business if you are having kids or not.
Post # 15
im not even married and i already have family members who try to make the argument that i will regret if i dont have children. i have a good amount of family members (extended family from other countries and close family) that have severe health issues and could be hereditary. im not about to pass those onto my children. its a good chance it could happen and im in the ” i’d rather be safe than sorry” boat. explaining that to even my family who know is hard…
Post # 16
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
I’m also not married yet but get the question a lot from family members and friends. I usually say, “Ask me in five years.”
Once I had a cousin say something alone the lines of, “What’s the point of having all those bedrooms in your house if you’re not going to fill them with kids?” I thought that was an odd question. I responded with “Just because I have the room doesn’t mean I need to fill it with living humans.” Seriously!? I know a lot of people that let motherhood define them and I am not sure if I want that. I don’t think I should take the responsibility of having a child on until I can live completely selflessly (is that a word?, lol).