- 8 years ago
- Wedding: April 2010
Our invitations went out, so of course I anticipated a few hiccups and some static; I can honestly say though I’m surprised by how upset I’ve gotten. I have the response I should probably make and the one I WANT to make. Please let me know what you think.
I have a large family (my parents each have 5 siblings who each had 5+ kids most of which are married…it’s big). We’ve opted NOT to invite many friends outside our bridal party so we can fit my cousins. We had to cut all 2nd cousins (some very close) as well to accomodate the 167 ppl we’ve invited. Already, 75% of the guest list is MY side of the family.
My mom’s youngest sister sent me a 4 page text msg Friday morning asking if she could add an 8th person to her party (she has 5 boys plus her & my uncle – they’re already the ONLY ones I invited with children on my side f the family because as I said I have SO many cousins) so her oldest, my 20 yr ld cousin could bring a “date”. Note she did NOT say girlfriend but date. She also said since he’s staying on campus this summer (an hr away though he has a car) he may not bother to come back to town.
I emailed her this:
Our guest list has been the most stressful aspect of wedding planning. We’ve had to juggle space and budget constraints while still finding a way to include the friends & family we’d like to have celebrate with us. Unfortunately we’ve had to make some difficult decisions, and while I want Danny (I’m not sure I can get used to calling him DAN yet!!) to come and have a good time, I’m afraid having him bring a date would be unfair to our other guests that were not invited with dates and our friends & family that we were unable to invite at all due to space limitations. Considering our guest list is 75% my side of the family, I can assure you Danny will know pretty much everyone there – plus Eric has 2 cute SINGLE college-age female cousins, so you never know…:)
Look forward to see you guys this summer, and have a good weekend!
I do understand limitations with a wedding list, I remember your mom and Aunt Debbie had some words exchanged over the list for Aunt Debbie’s girls weddings. I can honestly say I am disappointed by your e-mail.
Keep in mind that Dan will be 21, actually involved in a relationship, too.I know that Aunt D said Brad is invited with J, and S is invited to bring a guest, And they are close to his age or J is younger. Is S involved in a relationship any more? I am never one to cause trouble, but it seemed odd that the cutoff would be this way. After all Dan is not a teenager, but an adult.
He might decide to stay in Ohio, anyway. Although he knows the cousins, it is not as if they are all very close.
Yes, planning and financially planning for a wedding can be very stressful, and cause alot of friction. It’s is really too bad it has to be that way. It should be the happiest time of your life. And as a result, the happiest time in a family’s life.~Smf
I’m so upset I could scream (and cry, which I did). We drew the line for +1s at people we KNEW were in relationships and had met. The “younger” cousin she mentions is 3 WEEKS younger, and yes I invited her boyfriend because they’ve been together for 2 yrs, I’ve met him at all the holidays AND THEY JUST HAD A BABY TOGETHER LAST MONTH. The other is 25 and been with her boyfriend for almost 2 yrs, again FI and I (and even FI’s parents) have met him. After invites went out I discovered they recently broke up. I live 2 states away, I’m not typically on the forefront of everyone’s relationship news. Had my aunt continued her detective work, she’d have discovered there are FIVE other cousins (3 on my side, 2 on FI’s) all 19-21 that were NOT invited with dates – including my own SISTER who’s 1 month younger than her son.
The convo she (inappropriately) mentioned between another aunt & my mom happened FIFTEEN YEARS ago and was over my aunt not inviting MY BROTHER (who was 13 at the time), not about a +1 so it’s not even apples to apples!
Lastly, cousin-in-question DOES NOT HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. I checked. He’s as single as they come and loving it. Also, he turns 21 on July 8, my wedding is July 3. He’ll still be 20, not 21 as she repeatedly states for emphasis.
I WANT to reply with all these points listed. I HATE that I feel like I need to explain or justify our choices. The entire tone or her email but especially the end make me LIVID. Considering she’s has TWICE mentioned Danny might not even come, I don’t understand why she would make such a big deal over whether he can bring a date. It’s not MY problem if he no longer feels close to his cousins. We grew up seeing each other at least once a week, took ALL vacations together (2-3 per yr) and spent every single holiday together. He’ll also have his FOUR other brothers to hang out with.
Below is what I’m thinking of responding with, let me know if you think it’s OK or if I still need to tone it down. If it were really an option, I would ABSOLUTELY uninvite her.
I’m sorry you’re disappointed in the decisions E & I have made for our wedding, and I’m sorry you felt compelled (and entitled) to judge and criticize them.
Again, deciding upon a final guest list was a difficult and trying process, and I firmly stand behind the choices we’ve made. I’m not asking you to agree with them, I’m merely asking that you respect them.
As your email implies you don’t feel my wedding will be happy time, please let me know how many of the 7 allocated seats you will require.