My FIs grandpa died

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Laurenskii:  sorry my response is so long….I’m sorry for both you and your FI.  You are in a tough position.  My FI’s sister was killed in a freak accident 2 years ago and my mom died 3 months ago. when my mom passed, I wanted FI with me. That is what comforted me and gave me strength. When FIs sister was killed, he wanted to go it alone. He felt that if I were there he’d be too busy worrying I was ok to focus on his family and his grief.  He also pulled into himself for a few weeks. I always tried to remember that I needed to support him how he needed to be supported and not how I would want to be supported because they are very different. I had to respect his need for time alone.  There were days he wouldn’t even want to talk or text.  It was very difficult for me to say the least so I know you may have a few difficult weeks ahead of you. Come right out and ask him how he wants you to be there for him. Let him know you are there if he wants to talk about how he feels but don’t pressure him. I’ve seen your posts on here and I think you will be able to quickly judge how he is feeling and what he needs, respond to that.  I opted to text FI rather than call as it was easier for him to respond by text or call when it made sense for him, when he wasn’t with family and couldn’t talk. I aLso made it ok for him to respond with “I’m ok but don’t feel like talking”. Let him know it’s ok to not want to talk but it is not ok to leave you wondering and worrying how he is.  When he is ready, he will reach out to you for comfort and support.  Going through this is so difficult but can really strengthen your relationship.  FI learned about me that I can put him first and selflessly give him what he needs and I learned that I can be selfless. I also learned that FI will selflessly give me what I need and we learned very open and direct communication under very stressful circumstances. 

Post # 5
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Laurenskii:  supporting someone going through a loss is jyst as stressful as going through a loss, IMHO From my experience.   Be gentle with yourself as well.

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