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My FMIL and I have had no relationship and she pretty much hates me and thinks shes better than me and my family (her words)..actually if I want to be completely accurate, she said I am better than 'those people' I have written many posts on the subject. Here is a link to the Latest if you want to play a little catch up. I want to ask you bees what you would say to me if I were my FMIL..What would you bees say to her if she were a part of our community. The post will be (what I consider to be) from her point of view...Obviously I feel much differently on some issues and some things she says is false, but given this situation..in her words only..what would you reply? so from here on I am her:
Hi bees, what would you do if your son was marrying someone who was totally wrong for him? I know he is being used by this woman and he refuses to listen. I know that she will lead to his demise and hinder who he could truly grow to be as an individual. This girl is not only going to ruin my son's life but she has ruined my life and my family. She has been so disrespectful towards me and my son just takes her side. She has called me a coward directly to me and I am sure many things behind my back. I really want my son to break up with her, I have a feeling that she is just using my caring and generous son to take care of her and her child. My son has lied many times to us about her, saying that they had broken up when it wasn't true. He had her turn up at his graduation when he said that she wouldn't be there...She has literally come into my life and wrecked shop, turned my happy home upside down. My son never told me that he was getting engaged. We found out about the wedding because they sent us a STD in the mail. I am so hurt that my own son had to "invite" his mother to his wedding. So many hurtful things have been said by him for her and from her that I really don't want to even go to the wedding. I proposed that if they would postpone for a little while, so my son could experience the world a little, finish his masters degree and just live life a little that I would try to get to know his future wife better and we could all be on the same page and they would go into a marriage hopefully with our support. At first they said no, then they said that they would postpone for a year and a half, then they finally said 3 years but at this point I don't want them to do me any favors. The more I think about that deal I proposed the more it makes me sick to my stomach to think that I have to be in her company. We will never be OK. I just know it. Please offer some advice because at this present moment, I am lost.
Sinc. Mrs Neutrino's FMIL
Dear Mrs Neutrino's FMIL,
I am sorry you are going through this. My only advice would be that you have to let your son live his life. The last part of your post about asking them to postpone the wedding and them obliging makes it seems like they do care about your feelings, so give the girl a chance. It's always hard to "mess with" someone's relationship, and although he is your son it makes sense for him to stand up for his future wife when arguments or issues arise. Actually if he didn't, it would say a lot about their relationship, IMO. You say you would like to let him "live life a little" but if he is currently on his masters it means he's at least in his mid-late twenties, so he has had time to "live life" as you suggest. At this point if he wants to marry this girl, you need to try to accept it! Just trust your son and trust that if he sees good in her and is willing to stand up for her and spend the rest of his life with her, then he is making the right decision. Continuing to try to make this not work for them will most likely damage your relationship with your son, so if you want to have a happy relationship with your son, try to trust his decisions. Also, the fact that you had to "get invited" to your own son's wedding probably means that the relationship is already a bit damaged. Unless you would like it to remain like this, I suggest trying to be accepting and take this time of postponement to get to know her better and feel better about their relationship. Best of luck, *hugs*
@LoveMySailor1018: Thank you for your honest response. Are you a mother? Would you let your child walk into fire because it was his choice or would you try to warn him before he got burned? You are right about one thing, my relationship is very strained with my son. My whole family is strained. My family that was so close knit is now in shambles, IDK if it isn't an american thing, but in our culture...respect for family and their wishes are huge factors in individuals' lives. My son has abandonded us for this woman. After I told my son that it made me feel sick having to deal with that woman, and that we would never be OK, he/they decided they were not going to postpone anymore because he didn't care anymore. SO not only is he ruining his life but he is taking down everyone with him. He can't even just wait for me..for my sanity..for himself! I just want my family back :-(
-Mrs. Neutrino's FMIL
@MrsNeutrino: This is getting hard!! =]
Mrs. Neutrino's FMIL,
No, I am not yet a mother. When I become one yes I would try to warn my son before he got burned, but to me it seems that you've already "warned" him, so at this point "walking into the fire" is up to him. May I ask exactly what it is about this woman that you dislike so much? I believe I remember her calling you a coward, but if this was only in response to defending herself, although disprespectful, maybe it was warranted? You seem like a very strong woman so let me ask you to put yourself into her shoes. If your husband's mother was saying things about you that weren't true, would you try to defend your/your family's honor? You may feel that she is taking your son away from you, but you need to realize that he is an adult, and eventually will start his own family. Respect for family is strong in every culture, so I can still sympathize with you. You said your family is in shambles, but as I said before, you seem like a very strong woman. Strong women tend to lead the home, so if you were to set aside your differences and accept her into your family, would the rest of your family then follow suit? I disagree with you saying your son is ruining his life because right now he is in love. Trust your son and trust that you raised him to be a man who can see people's true selves, and make smart decisions.
Dear FMIL,
Cut the apron strings. As a mother, I understand that you only want the best for your child, but after they've grown and are out into the world, you have to trust that they will make their own decisions for themselves. Trying to tell your grown children what to do will only breed resentment, and cause further rebellion. You have to let go. Even if he's walking into the fire. It's clear that he is very in love with this woman, no matter how you feel about her. Maybe you should take the time, and get to know her better. Start over, with a clean slate. Find things you have in common, and go from there. Start with the love you each share for your son/her FI.
Now, if after your son has "walked into the fire", and then comes back a little burned, asking for your help, then you can step in and say, "I told you so." But until then, you have to bite the bullet and back off.
Nobody close to my FI liked his first wife. But they couldn't say anything to him for fear of him cutting them off. All they could do is tell him that they were there for him, and wait for him to figure out on his own that she was no good for him.
I think you're sounding very judgemental and controlling. Let your son make his own mistakes. But as his mother, you need to be there to support him, no matter what he's going through. Give the poor girl a chance. You haven't said anything she's actually done to upset you. It sounds like you decided for no good reason at all that you didn't like her.
Dear MrsNeautrino's FMIL,
I'm sorry you feel this way, but my MIL feels a lot like you do about me so I have to tell you that although you feel that your family is strained and that your son has abandoned you, there is one thing that would reconcile this for both of you: ACCEPT your son's decisions, whether you like them or not. You raised him to become a responsible adult and to make his own decisions, so you need to trust him and if for some reason this woman isn't right for him, he will have to live and learn.
My DH hasn't spoken to his mother in over a year; she didn't come to our wedding and she hasn't seen her grandson (our son) in a year also. Do you want your relationship with your son to end up like that? Sorry if I'm being harsh, but my DH is very hurt by his mother and her inability to accept his decisions, support him and stop trying to drive a wedge into his life.
Bottom line is that he is obviously happy, and the best thing you can do for him is be supportive. His happiness and direction may be different from what you envision for him, but that is okay because life is about learning. Think of how you might feel if you chose a partner whom your family disliked and they acted this way toward you. What's the worst that could happen if you support him? You get to be a part of his life and see him happy? Is your happiness more important than his?
(Thanks that was therapeutic for me too)
@LoveMySailor1018: Damn you're good girl! LOL
LoveMySailor,
Would you only warn your son once? Would you not physically pull him away from the fire becasue you know he will thank you later? I dislike the fact that she is using my son to take care of her and her child. I dislike that she has brainwashed my son so much so that he no longer sees the importance of family. I dislike the fact that she has manipulated he has ,for her, dissapointed the 2 people that made him and raised him and pushed him to do better so much that we can't even look at him. He has single handedly made us hang our heads in shame around our family...because of his choices, her. LoveMySailor, this woman is trying to marry MY son. Despite what I said to her, ever, she has no right to disrespect me in that way. She really has no culture and no training, because no girl who wants to marry someone's son would disrespect his mother. You see, I have lived a chaste life, I have lived in a way that no one could say anything negative about me.
Dear @Wonderwoman217:,
This is exactly the problem with American society. You have children and at 18 when they are legal adults they are cut off and are out in the world to do whatever they see fit. This is not the case with us. We live our lives for our families, to this day if my mother or father asked anything of me I would do it without question. By your society's standards, my son is an adult. To me he will always be my child and I will always look out for his best interest, even at the expense of my own happiness. Everything I have ever done in my life was to better the life of my children. I will be damned if after all my hard work and sacrifice that he throws it all away. And that is exactly what he is doing.
Dear FMIL,
I am sorry that you are going though this, and I understand that you are trying to do what you think is best for your son. However, don't you think you are being a little over protective/controling? You have said your peice and what you think about this woman. That is all you can do. By Harping on it you are putting your son in a hard place, who does he chose, the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with? or The woman who gave birth to him? By forcing him to chose between you ( which it sounds like you really want, but have not quite come out and said explicitly) you are forcing him to betray one of the two women he cares about the most! That is a terrible position to put anyone in.
Do you have any faith in the man you raised? Do you trust him to make good desisions? Do you trust that you and his father instilled in him the values that you seem to hold dear?
If so then Trust that he is making the best decision for him. Even if you do not see it. My mother allways told me that she loved me too much to let me make any foolish desions with out telling me. She would Give me reasons A, B, and C about why I should NOT do something, and then allow me to make my own choice. If that Choice panned out the way she siad it would, she never told me " I told you so "( ok , mabey a little), she picked me up and put me back together and said , " what have we learned from this?"
If this desison does infact go the way you fear, just be there for him, put him back together, but do not juge him. He is an adult and needs to take responciblity for his actions. Mommy cannot protect him forever.
If his desision turns out well, and they are happliy married and if she bulids him up instead of tearing him down, as you fear, YOU will have ruined your relationship with our son and possibly any grandchildren they might have together. I know i perosnally would be afraid in this situation if my MIL disliked me so much, that my MIL would say negative things about me to my children.
The fact that They ( i say THEY because it is a joint desision to put off a wedding, ESPECIALLY for the bride ) WERE willing to make a compromise, and you said "no that is not good enough", that was bad on your part. Instead of being glad that SHE wanted to respect your wishes, and TRY and get to know you, says that she does care, about you and your son.
Have you ever met her? Have you tried? If not, then you are jsut as gulity as she is in this battle over your son.
Comprmise a little, trust your son. Get to know your Future daughter in law, because dispite all your objections, they are going to get married anyway.
Your olny desision is weather or not YOU want to be part of your son's and grandchildrens lives. The ball is in your court.
Dear @strawbabies:,
She has a child and is using my son to better her own life and her child's life and is not doing anything to better her own life. That upsets me. She has been disrespectful towards me from the beginning, calling me a coward and such. I would have never thought in a million years that the son I raised would cut off his own parents. She has manipulated him to the point where nothing we, his parents, do or say are right. Nothing we say is helpful. We are wrong about everything. I don't need to get to know her, I know enough people like her.
@MrsNeutrino: Well then, FMIL, it seems you've already made your decision. Good luck.
**At this point, were this a real poster, I would just give up, as it seems trying to give advice would be pointless, when all they want is justification for their actions, not any real constructive criticism.** Good luck with your FMIL, MsNeutrino. She sounds like a real piece of work. I know people that are like that IRL, and short of cutting them out of your life (drastic, and I'm sure NOT a pleasant decision to make) there's not much else to do but grin and bare it.
Dear @StaceyMay81:,
My son chose this woman with no reguards for myself or his father. He didn't care one bit what it would do to us. He never even told us he was getting engaged for crying out loud! He has lied over and over about her and it just makes us look stupid, or he thinks we are stupid. His choice of this woman will be not only detremental to himself but also to all of us including his little brother. Our family will no look at us as though we raised our son with no standards. And I think they might be right. He has disgraced us and his brother. His brother will now be the butt of many jokes, because of his choice. So I hope you can see how his decision affects not only himself..but us as well. We are a family afterall, even if he doesn't want to accept it.
Dear @imalittlebirdie:,
The son I raised would never abandon his family for a woman with a child. He held us in a higher reguard and had higher standards for himself as well. I don't even recognize who this person is and I desperately want him to snap out of this trance he is in. So I can honestly say that I am not secure in the person I raised anymore. He has no integrity. I am so torn and broken over his choices. IMHO, if he has children with that woman..I wouldn't care to be a part of their lives.
@Wonderwoman217:yep, if real piece of work = heartless souless ignorant bitch. In all seriousness though, I am responding with things that FMIL has already stated in the 3 years FI and I have been together. I wish I could just stop responding to her, but this is my life! lol
@MIL
Well, then I am sad for you. Only sadness will come from your inablity to accept or even tolerate this woman. This seems to be all your issue, not theirs. The fact that you would cut your son and your future grandchildren out of your life for making a desision you do not agree with, That jsut strikes me as being petty. In all of your responces I have olny heard ME, Me me , me me... Never actually any concern for your son. its what will the neigbors think, How will we look for rasing such a son. That is very selfish of you MIL, and prehaps they are better for not having you in their life. My olny wish for you is that you try and rectify your issues with your son and prehaps try and get to know your daughter in law, who knows you might just like her, before you sever whatever tenuous relationship you have. Otherwise you are in for a long road of heartache. You are a family afterall , even if you do not want to accept it.
* i would stop here. Obviously, She will not listen to a damn thing anyone says that contadicts her. MrsNeutrino: you have the patience of a saint for dealing with this. I am angry and this is just play acting!
@MrsNeutrino: Okay now I just want to punch your FMIL in the face lol. Along with my FMIL.
How do you deal with this? How does your FI deal with it? Is he still on speaking terms with her? I'm sorry that she is so awful to you but you definitely don't deserve that.
@MrsNeutrino: Mrs. Neutrino's FMIL,
Perhaps he will thank you later, but as a mother you should never wish that upon your child. At this point he is an adult and has the right to make his own decisions. I am sure she has not brainwashed your son, and he still sees the importance of family-- just not the way you may wish. It is fairly obvious that you've already made up your mind so there's really no use in trying to make you see otherwise. One last time though, I urge you to stop what you are doing and try to accept her. In the end if your son loves this woman as much as you say and as much as he has proven, he will choose her. The sad thing is, he should not be forced to choose. As a mother your love should be unconditional, always, no matter what. Also, if you have lived such a chaste life as you say, I would have to disagree. If this were the case, you would be accepting of your son's future wife and give her no reason to feel hurt, angry, or resentful towards you for what you are trying to do to her and your son's relationship. Maybe you should take a look at the situation and ask yourself if you're doing this for your son, or for your own selfishness. It's not too late to mend this relationship and mend your broken family once and for all. Best of luck to you and your family, FMIL.
Okay I agree with Wonderwoman217, at this point I'd just stop trying because she obviously isn't going to listen. A sidenote though, this is a horrible thing to have to deal with! I forgot for a second that this wasn't all just hypothetical, you're actually having to deal with this woman! Best of luck, lady!
@imalittlebirdie: lol! can you imagine what I am going through!? haha. I will say one thing though...she has done something great for me. She has taught me patience. Though it still may not be up to par with the status quo..where there once was none.. now there is some.
@StaceyMay81: go right ahead! LOL! It just frustrates me..like to my core. FI deals with it the best that he can but I know that he wants more than anything else in his life to have the 2 women that love his the most in the world to be by his side. His mother told him yesterday that, that would never happen. Very bluntly. I think he was taken aback by that.. and thought to himself.. if you have no intention of getting to know her and making this situation better for all of us, why are we postponing our wedding? And he said yesterday that she doesnt have to worry about showing up and also not to worry about "having to be invited to her own son's wedding" because she isn't invited anymore. I was totally in shock! She said he doesn't have to call back.. and where at one point he would have begged her not to say that, he just said ..fine, I won't then. In a very soft, calm but serious tone. They called him back after I believe but he never answered. We are always going to be in the wrong with her, and it is hard to reason with someone who instead of trying to rectify an underlying problem...just makes excuses for ones own behavior.
Wow! It sounds like there really is nothing more that you can do. This woman has already made her decisions. :(
agreed
agreed
agreed
I feel like ther must be another side to the story here - why did she call you a coward? In what ways was she disrespectful right form the start? You're saying some pretty mean thigns here, like that your son has no integrity, your FDIL will ruin his life, she is just using him, etc. If you actually say this stuff to them then OF COURSE you had to be invited to their wedding. Why would they be excited to tell you abotut heir wedding when you clearly hate your FDIL? In my opinion, you're lucky to even be invited.
How exactly are you showing respect for your family, your son, by being so cruel towards the person he has chosen to spend his life with? He will always be a part of your famiyl, but he is about to be part of another family too with his soon-to-be wife and step-son. It's not right that you say you're all about family, but are asking him to totally disrespect the woman who will soon be his family. And of course he is siding with her - that is the right thing to do in a marriage, you protect your spouse. It's just sad that he has to protect her from his own mother.
I doubt your son willingly 'abandoned' your family - I think you forced him into seeing or speaking to you less because you say such horrible things about the woman he loves. Don't you want to have grandchildren you have a good relationship with, and your son to be happy and have a family? You seem to want to be the most important family to him forever, but that's not fair. You're married with children after all, imagine if your husband's parents were this mean to you.
would it help any to actually meet this woman? I mean.... damn. She never liked you from the jump did she....
@LoveMySailor1018: :) I really appreciate your responses..they were so sweet while still being straight forward. FMIL goes through cycles I have come to realize ( and I totally called this 6 months into our relationship)..she gets angry as hell...then she gets "sick"/crazy.. then she gets sad as hell... then she says shes over it.. then its angry again.. If FI could time it well enough, he could always talk to her when shes over it! In all seriousness though, she has caused a major change in FI...a bad one for her. He has become fiercly protective of me and my child.. and has seen her true colors and become very numb towards her. It is a very sad situation. He knows shes toxic and wants everything to be over...and I am pretty sure he ended it last night.
That is very unfortunate. The good news is though, he loves you enough to stand up for you! It sounds like although this is a terribly unfortunate situation, it has actually brought you and FI closer together. It's times like this that test your relationship, and it looks like it passed with flying colors! I see some bees getting upset because their FI's aren't standing up to their overcontrolling mothers, so just look at the good side of it! =]
This situation blows my mind. Im gonna play a bit of devil's advocate here.......
@MrsNeutrino: Are you and FI of the same culture? Im asking cause I wonder if you and he had knowledge of cultural expectations from the get go. Now trust me when I say that I understand where you and FI are coming from. Our parents are West African and have done some INSANE stuff in regards to the wedding and just in life. From saying they wouldn't come to the wedding unless we did it when and how they wanted, from bribing us with money, insulting our intelligence and ability to make our own decisions, chastsing my FI for actually wanting me (the bride!) to have decision makiing power in the wedding. We have completely cut them off from wedding planning. BUT, I would NEVER EVER call my FMIL a coward to her face. I wouldn't lie to her or any of that stuff.
At this point I dont know what you can do b/c it seems the situation has spiraled out of control. But I think we all have to understand tha they are of a different culture, are old, and will never change. They have been this way for years and thats all they know. You just have to decide if y'all want her in your lives or not. Sometimes it may feel we are letting them win but we just have to be more mature. Deep down, she knows he is losing her son and it's killing her.
@creativeplannertobee: yea pretty much. But I wish she would just stick to them! She said at one point that FI was dead to her basically (I can't remember the words off the top of my head) but then she finds his work email address and starts sending him emails about how shitty he has been and abandoning his family and how his parents should be his world. :-\ She tells him to never call back..then calls him back :-\
@imalittlebirdie: IDK if it would help. I mean.. by her choice of words and her language skills...(or lack their of)...she doesnt seem like the most level headed person. She uses blanket statments as reasoning, she takes responsibility for this situation none at all... she is just.......................ignorant. I feel like if I met with her that I would be able to bite my tongue, but she would only be meeting with me to give me a piece of her mind so to speak. And I thought she liked me until she knew I had a child. But turns out the first thing I said to her indirectly that I thought was a joke and she was joking back...turns out I disrespected her. She wanted me to join cafe world on FB... and pretty much I didn't have time for that because I was in school double majoring in biochem and nuc physics.. so she said that I should join cafe world so she can make sure that I know how to cook for her son (joke)..In return I said.. If she wanted me to teach her how I cook she could just ask (another joke) she said something like.. little girl you cant teach me anything.. and I laughed and that was it. FI and I were dating at 6 months at that point. And it was the closest thing that we had to a decent conversation. She is right about one thing though..I did call her a coward! When I went to FI's graduation... they didn't know I was going to be there. They moved their seats to get a better look at me (not even a joke) and then his mother texts FI while he is in the stands waiting to get his diploma..and I quote "I told you not to fuck with me"... I know because FI forwarded it to me. Well, needless to say, I didn't move my seat. I was staying put because I had a right to be there as much as they did...especially with all the hell they put him through leading up to that point.. threatening not to come. And she came up to me and talk to FI's friend that was sitting right next to me. And said nothing to me. Which was fine. After I got back to my hotel she starts texting me all this crap about never being welcomed in her family..and that I am a whore and etc etc.. no like ... like 10 text messages. pages and pages. I responded only with.. It is very cowardly that you would wait until I wasnt around to say this when you had a chance to earlier today. THE END. she has held on to that for 3 years lol!
Sounds like a total mess! Honestly, in the beginning conversations...sarcasm is not something I would when I'm first getting to know my BF's mom, despite the fact that I am a very sarcastic person. I would definitely not use it online where she can't tell my tone. Then she apparantely just took those little things and instead of telling them they made her feel disrespected, so you could explain, she blew up via text and turned into a crazy bitch. But, I'm sorry, your response wasn't right either - I most likely would of not answered at all and let him deal with it, but fighting agaisnt name-calling with more name-calling wasn't the way to go. Obviously it was a long time ago, but since you did give the back story I thought I'd give my two cents on it.
@MrsNeutrino: OHHHHH ok with that "coward" thing put in perspective, that is a very different situation. Ok. this woman is just a nutter butter. I dont even know what you should do. I just wanna give you a (((HUG)))). I can't believe she cusses at her son like, UGH.
I dont think either side is helping to be honest but it sounds like she just provokes you. Would you consider taking her to lunch or something? Or maybe having dinner with them; asking her for cooking recipes? I think she just wants to be feel wanted. I am so sad for you.
@LoveMySailor1018: It definately took time and a ton of work.. but we got there and stuck it through together.. I do think it has brought us closer together.. but it has definately taken a toll on FI. I am greatful though, very, that he does have a pair and stands up for me. But as i am sure you can assume..it only feeds her fire.
@Aubergold: yea, we are the same culture. In all actuality, it isnt about culture in our case, it is about FMIL and her pride. Seriously, when FI talks to her... all you hear is ME ME ME.. unless she is explicitly stating that it isnt about her lol. SHe is completely crazy. I do understand that she is old and will never change.. but I would think it would just be common sense to try to come to a mutual understanding. She refuses to do so. I really think all this drama has the spotlight on her and she can't let it go. She yells and screams and curses and rants and namecalls...and THEN plays the victim! How does someone even attempt to be the victim when they are always the aggressor?! Just doesnt make sense to me. But yes, I called her a coward. Well, I said her actions were cowardly.. and she took it as me calling her a coward so I will agree to that. I also apologized within hours and then she said I was on a high horse :-/ and I should have been on that high horse when I was spreading my legs. Yes. Her exact words. I then stated that I would not respond in like to her text messages and eventually they stopped. I have also gotten in contact with her.. asking that we put this stuff behind us for the good of FI, for OUR sanity, for OUR well being. She refuses to talk to me.
oopps...! totally disrespcted your MIL then in my responces back... "pathetic and selfish".... Yea I am gonna go with that.
Hon, I am sorry about this wackko. Mabey she will get over it. Send her an invitation if she comes she comes if she doesn't... oh well. you tried.
@MrsNeutrino: So you apologize in addition to the fact that it was three years ago? Wow, someone knows how to hold onto a grudge. I was trying to understand the other side there, but she just sounds crazy. I'm glad your FI is there for you.
@Wonderstruck: I can appreciate that! Thinking back.. AFTER she said that she felt disrespected, I can see that.. I almost feel bad for it! She might be right in that reguard. But I was joking :-( This had not been brought up for 3 years.. last night. A little bit of me looks like I haven't given her much to go on.. so she is trying to make bad of my good intentions. But a bigger part of me sees where she is coming from with the first comments. The thing is.. it was done through FI.. and she laughed at the time! He told me! eh- I can only apologize so much-
@Aubergold: we all live in different states lol! I would consider doing anything she would accept honestly. I mean...the invitation to our wedding came will a hell no! I doubt lunch would be any different. She asked FI what he was doing for Xmas.. and he told her we were all going to CO and that she should come. She asked him if he was stupid. One time.. FMIL asked FI a good place to buy indian clothes in CA (where he lives) and he asked me.. I told him where to tell her.. and she responds with 'dont talk to that about me'
@MrsNeutrino: WOW (@spreading legs). Yeah, ignore my other response and dont talk to her at all. If I were you I wouldnt postpone my wedding either. She is disgusting. No amount of hurt over not telling her about an engagement justifies such nasty behavior. What a piece of work. I dont care if you are the whore of Babylon, some things you just dont say. She sounds like a nasty ass person, culture or not. I would tell FI to get some therapy to deal with his hurt, and both of you move on. I would NEVER EVER talk to her again after calling me a whore. Bitch. SHe would be lucky to ever she her son (and grand kids) again after Im done.
AT least my FMIL had the decency not to come at me stupid to my face. UGH.
@imalittlebirdie: I planned on sending them one anyways.. just so they don't have anything to hold over our heads. But 2 things are stopping me. 1) FI, doesn't want them there. 2) If they came, they might spaz out and ruine it. Seriously.. like stand in front of me as we walk down the aisle style. Or.. throw red paint on me style.. shes pretty crazy.. like seriously.
@Wonderstruck: I was also trying to understand the other side.. I was half hoping someone would side with her lol... so I could understand more.. or at least try to. Yea it was 3 years ago.. I appologized for calling her a coward.. I said it would never happen again.. I sent her long emails when we didnt have her number saying that I want to try to move past this and the only way we could is if WE the women united.. or at least tried to. I agreed to postpone my wedding for 3 years .. then she decided she didnt want what she asked for anymore.. she is really impossible
@Aubergold: I already told FI to get into therapy.. I think he def needs a neutral person to talk to. I have you bees :)
Does FMIL know that you and FI are already actually married? Maybe she would come around faster if she had to accept that the marriage is a done deal and can't stop it.
@Mrs. Maple Syrup: Actually she doesn't know. And I don't know if we plan on telling her... I am going to leave that one up to FI. Honestly, I think it would just add more fuel to her fire.
MrsNeutrino: I kinda really feel like telling her would be a really terrible idea....
@imalittlebirdie: lol yea me too. Unless we were to tell her.. hang up.. change all of our phone numbers and email addresses...and prevent ALL contact with her ever again lol!
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