(Closed) My FMIL did it again….

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

a majority of people will wear what they want…. my wedding two months ago i had a few family members wear shorts and hawain flower print t shirts  to a ballroom wedding. we also had a few friends on the groom side that wore shorts and a clean t shirt- this was big because apparently he is ALWAYS covered in grease and car oil.   if they arent going to be in main formal photos i wouldnt stress about it…

Post # 4
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@meraklu:  I think that she does want you to say that you don’t want formal dress anymore.  This isn’t about the clothes, but is a power-struggle.

So, I think that you need to be super direct with her.  Tell her that you and your FI (it’s even better if he does this) have decided that the wedding is going to be formal.  If people are asking what to wear, this is what you want told to them (cocktail dresses and ties).  That is what your friends and your family are going to be wearing and there are NO issues on your side or with your friends.  If her side has an issue with that, that’s on them.  I probably would be pretty “aggressive” and say something like “I’m not sure why we have to keep talking about this.  The requested dress code is the requested dress code”.  

They ARE going to wear what they want, so on the day of, you’re just going to have to deal.  

As an aside, I do not understand what the issue is.  When did it become acceptable (unless told to) to wear ultra-casual clothes to a wedding?  Actually, I don’t think that it did.  I think that people are ridiculous.  I had an inlaw show up in a khaki jean “suit” to a formal cocktail party wedding.  That side didn’t even wear ties (short sleaved dress shirts in December).  They looked…silly as everyone else was at least in a suit and some were in tuxes.  Just remember; it says more about them then it does about you.

Post # 6
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

This was a big issue for me.  We got married on a beach, but I wanted everyone in nicer clothing.  Not as dressy as yours, but not laid back.  Our reception was indoors, in a nice restuarant, so that’s why I wanted the nicer attire.  But, no one could comprehend.  I kept being asked and asked.  Finally, I just said, “Wear whatever you want!” 

Post # 7
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@ArwenBride:  I’m with you on the ‘When did it become acceptable…?’ I’m sorry but weddings, christenings/baby dedications and funerals are not casual wear unless told specifically otherwise. We talk so much about etiquette and what’s rude on here but then say adults can wear what they want…it’s part of etiquette to me too.

I still remember people looking at the photos of my first wedding…pictures of my family and then my ex’s…and then exclaiming ‘Wow your family looks so nice and well his…just…not!’ Half of them were in short sleeved shirts and shorts while mine were in suits.

Post # 8
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

LOL I can totally relate: My FMIL insisted that she had no idea what the date of our wedding was until 2 months before the big day (and 1 week before I sent the invites out).  A wedding we’ve been planning for TWO AND A HALF YEARS.  I mean, I will give her some slack, we changed the date once (and immediately told her- the courthouse had to marry us one day earlier than we were planning), but come on.

I can relate to how you’re feeling.  My advice is to take deep breath and have a glass of wine.  🙂

Post # 9
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Maybe something you could do to avoid this question repeatedly is have this on a wedding website and indicate cocktal attire on the invitations.

Is it possible that in their family weddings are petty informal and she really just isn’t sure how to describe what you are looking for?

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