Post # 1
Seriously? Since the first day we discussed the wedding I told her it would be formal attire. Apparently, my in-laws and their relatives all have a problem with this. I know we live in Florida, but we are all from up north, and it’s what I want. I explained to her that what I am trying to achieve is cocktail dresses at a minimum for women, and ties for men. We discussed it many times, and here we are a few months away from the wedding and she’s calling me to tell me that her SIL called and asked what that meant and she wanted to know what to tell her. Really, why am I being asked this again? Does she want me to tell her it’s OK for her relatives to come dressed in something less? This is very frustrating. She knows the answer and she should have handled it. Did anyone else have to deal with this??
Post # 3
a majority of people will wear what they want…. my wedding two months ago i had a few family members wear shorts and hawain flower print t shirts to a ballroom wedding. we also had a few friends on the groom side that wore shorts and a clean t shirt- this was big because apparently he is ALWAYS covered in grease and car oil. if they arent going to be in main formal photos i wouldnt stress about it…
Post # 4
@meraklu: I think that she does want you to say that you don’t want formal dress anymore. This isn’t about the clothes, but is a power-struggle.
So, I think that you need to be super direct with her. Tell her that you and your FI (it’s even better if he does this) have decided that the wedding is going to be formal. If people are asking what to wear, this is what you want told to them (cocktail dresses and ties). That is what your friends and your family are going to be wearing and there are NO issues on your side or with your friends. If her side has an issue with that, that’s on them. I probably would be pretty “aggressive” and say something like “I’m not sure why we have to keep talking about this. The requested dress code is the requested dress code”.
They ARE going to wear what they want, so on the day of, you’re just going to have to deal.
As an aside, I do not understand what the issue is. When did it become acceptable (unless told to) to wear ultra-casual clothes to a wedding? Actually, I don’t think that it did. I think that people are ridiculous. I had an inlaw show up in a khaki jean “suit” to a formal cocktail party wedding. That side didn’t even wear ties (short sleaved dress shirts in December). They looked…silly as everyone else was at least in a suit and some were in tuxes. Just remember; it says more about them then it does about you.
Post # 5
@ArwenBride: THANK YOU! Seriously, it’s the most important day of a couple’s life, and people want to come dressed like they are going to a picnic? I followed up my conversation with her saying “If anyone wants to be in my formal photos, then they need to be dressed formal, and also, if they do not come dressed formal, then they will probably be uncomfortable.” I think it’s totally ridiculous I need to spell it out. And you bring up a valid point about the power struggle. I don’t understand what the problem is.. you had your wedding 40 years ago, if you want another one, renew your vows and have it in a park where everyone can wear shorts and flip flops!!!
Post # 6
This was a big issue for me. We got married on a beach, but I wanted everyone in nicer clothing. Not as dressy as yours, but not laid back. Our reception was indoors, in a nice restuarant, so that’s why I wanted the nicer attire. But, no one could comprehend. I kept being asked and asked. Finally, I just said, “Wear whatever you want!”
Post # 7
@ArwenBride: I’m with you on the ‘When did it become acceptable…?’ I’m sorry but weddings, christenings/baby dedications and funerals are not casual wear unless told specifically otherwise. We talk so much about etiquette and what’s rude on here but then say adults can wear what they want…it’s part of etiquette to me too.
I still remember people looking at the photos of my first wedding…pictures of my family and then my ex’s…and then exclaiming ‘Wow your family looks so nice and well his…just…not!’ Half of them were in short sleeved shirts and shorts while mine were in suits.
Post # 8
LOL I can totally relate: My FMIL insisted that she had no idea what the date of our wedding was until 2 months before the big day (and 1 week before I sent the invites out). A wedding we’ve been planning for TWO AND A HALF YEARS. I mean, I will give her some slack, we changed the date once (and immediately told her- the courthouse had to marry us one day earlier than we were planning), but come on.
I can relate to how you’re feeling. My advice is to take deep breath and have a glass of wine. 🙂
Post # 9
Maybe something you could do to avoid this question repeatedly is have this on a wedding website and indicate cocktal attire on the invitations.
Is it possible that in their family weddings are petty informal and she really just isn’t sure how to describe what you are looking for?
Post # 10
@ieatunicorns: I already have it on my wedding website and it says ‘Formal Attire’ lol. I’m not sure how much more I can say to get it through their heads!