Weddingbee boards

My fiance and I have been engaged now for almost 3 months (not too long.) His mother seems reluctant to acknowledge the engagement. I think it may be fear of change and the fact that her oldest son (and first to get married) is, well, getting married. It's making her feel old (she told me this.) We are both 31 years old so it's not like we are too young. And we have been dating for a year.

Why do I think she is in denial? She hasn't congratulated us and didn't tell her family. Maybe she was trying to be respectful and let us make the announcement. I try to give her the benefit of the doubt because she is a nice lady. I just sense this underlying aspect of control and manipulation under the surface of her sweet-as-pie demenor. She aslo still introduces me as the "girlfriend." Which is better then "friend" I suppose.

She has had zero to do with the wedding planning, which I prefer (we are covering all expenses,) but she was completely over whelmed when I asked her for a guest list of the groom's family. My fiance worships the ground she walks on and doesn't understand why I feel the way I do. It has caused fights so I try not to even bring it up. I need to learn how to deal with these feelings on my own.

I have directly asked her if she likes me and she swears she does (but what would you say when put on the spot?) She did give us a positive comment when she told my mom that my fiance and I compliment each other, but this was before the engagement. So I'm not sure if I have a monster in law in the making or if I'm just putting up defenses because my fiance is a Momma's boy and I feel the need to compete. I don't know.

What do you bees think? Any advice? Have any of you had a mother in law in denial?

I appreciate the advice! I definetly don't want to create a problem in my mind that doesn't really exist. I have read some horror stories of mother-in-laws that really are terrible. I am lucky to not have that. Just a bit apprehensive. I'm going to just go on about my business and be as nice and helpful as possible. Things will fall into place, and if they get worse. I'll update!

Yes, we definetly are not alone! I have browsed other posts where brides feel the same way. I have yet to come to a resolution either. I'm just being nice and friendly when I'm around her, which isn't often. I made myself so sick over it for awhile and as my FI calls it, "I'm throwing rocks in my own pond." I'm making ripples while her pond is still. So I'm making an effort to not let it bother me. As long as my FI is madly in love with me that's all that matters. The wedding is happening so his mom will have to come to terms with it eventually. Just like your FFIL. That they have to deal with on their own. We can't make them. Sigh.

@carrieknitscake  Sorry to hear that you are going through the same thing. And for her to say she though you would get divorced! Ouch. I'm having the same problem with the guest list also. I asked her for it back in August, or at least to start working on it. Her reaction was "oh, wow, that's a big request. I will have to consult my husband and son." I have heard nothing since. My FI says he will compile the list then have her add to it if need be. We shall see. Let me know if/when you have children and let me know how that goes. What a kick in the teeth that she is still wrapped up in what the ex is doing rather then you. My heart goes out.

I've always been nice to my FI's mom. I call it wearing my "press club hat" when I'm around his family. I was my grandma's little side kick and she took me to the press club once in DC when I was ten. had to have perfect etiquette, be super polite to everyone and be interested in things I didn't understand, lol. I only vented my frustration to my FI and my immediate family. I feel as though I should have just kept it to myself. He feels stuck in the middle, his mom is clueless to how I feel and my family doesn't care for her, all because of what I said. So unless it's something major, I've stopped bringing it up. This whole "transition of life" process seems to be more of a stress for everyone then a joyful journey. I just want everyone to be happy. Myself and the rest of us bees on here.  Life is too short to be anything but.

@carrieknitscake

We take our FOCUS on Thursday. I know the family thing will come up. The resutls will either bring us closer or tear us apart...