My FMIL is trying to tell me I cannot marry my Fiance. Advice needed!

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would call the insurance company and find out!

Post # 3
2505 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Waitingbee57: As far as I know, employers offer it, but employees don’t have to accept it. It’s not free to have an adult child on your insurance, so maybe your FMIL thinks that someone who is old enough to be married is old enough to provide his own insurance?

Post # 5
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Waitingbee57:  Good. I would definitely believe the insurance company over your FMIL.

Post # 6
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Waitingbee57:  yes I think carolinabelle:  is right. Employers have to offer, but it is up to the employee to accept. His mother ultimately pays at least something for it (usually) and can take him off her plan if she chooses to do so. 

Why can’t he figure out his own insurance situation? If someone is old enough and responsible enough to get married, typically they would be old enough and responsible enough not to have to rely on their parents for something so crucial to life….especially when you KNOW the availability will lapse someday no matter what (when he is 26). Maybe it’s better to just prepare for that now instead of staking something like that on someone else.

Edited to add after your update: so yes they cover, but does his mom have to accept it? In my past jobs there was always an area to add children to the policy, it was not mandatory. Could his mom be using that as an excuse to get him off her plan or try to interfere with your plans for some reason?

Post # 7
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

So is your FMIL telling you not to get married because she doesn’t want you guys to  and will take him off the insurance or  because she thinks the insurance will cut him off once he gets married? 

Post # 8
15072 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Your FMIL isn’t required to pay or keep your FI covered under her policy. Is she saying she will remove him if you get married? 

Post # 10
4147 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If the insurance company is saying he will still be covered, why don’t you or your SO ask your FMIL to call the insurance company herself?  Maybe she is actually confused.  But if you did get married, do you actually think she would take him off the insurance?  Why in the world would she risk not having insurance on her own son if he has so many heart problems? 

Post # 11
6162 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Even if the insurance company allows the married adult child to stay on the parent’s insurance, it’s not free and the parent is not required to accept the coverage. He is no longer her dependent if he is married. 

more importantly, if your Fi is old enough to marry then he’s old enough to buy his own insurance. Period. Marriage means you are creating a new family unit. You are responsible for your family unit. Be responsible and get your own insurance. 

Why anyone with chronic health problems would rely on anyone else other than their spouse for insurance is beyond me, let alone someone who does not support their marriage. If by some miracle you convince her not to drop his insurance, she will play this card every single time he argues with her. 

your Fi needs to stop depending on his mother and get his own insurance.

Post # 12
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

If your fiance can’t afford his own insurance, and you can’t afford his insurance, why are you getting married? You are entering into a marriage KNOWING that you will be dependent on his parents for his health. That seems insane. 

Post # 13
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Waitingbee57:  this is a tough situation. Clearly your FI has some serious health issues and so I’m not surprised that his mom is overbearing and protective. I think it’s her fear taking over, like most moms I’m sure she dreads losing him before it’s her time to go.

I haven’t read your previous posts but I would sit down with her over coffee and have a heart to heart if possible. She needs to know you will work with her to take care of her son. Normally I wouldn’t say this but the fact is, he is obviously very much dependent on insurance that he is unable to provide for himself. Her insurance is a large part of that. Perhaps you and your FMIL could visit the insurance company (if local) or the HR department and discuss both of your concerns together. This really is about his well being by the sounds of it, not so much about you.

I wanted to point out as well that if anything should happen between the two of you, it would largely if not fully fall on his mom, because again he is very much dependent. She is aware of that, and that likely fuels her fears also. No wonder she’s overbearing and likely paranoid. Any sane mother who loves her child (even adult child) would be, especially in a case like yours. Please tread carefully with her, she must really be struggling. Clearly this is not easy for you as well, but I think it’s very important for all of you that you work with your FI’s mom towards a solution that benefits your FI. 

Post # 14
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Also, your FMIL isn’t telling you that you can’t marry your FI. She’s telling you that when you get married, he will no longer be on her insurance. Those are two very different things.

Post # 15
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

sarals24:  I’m with you on this one.

Why is a grown man on his mom’s health insurance? He needs to get himself completely independant before you get married or she will hold it over your head in the mean time.

Personally I wouldn’t advise getting married if you are not capable of being independant of other people.

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