Post # 1
So if anyone knows me and what I write we all know that my FMIL is kinda overbearing/overcontrolling/listen to me I know everything. Well today I received an interesting text from her. She told me that if me and my FI get married he will get kicked off her insurance. From everything that I read, I see that it is untrue. I saw somewhere with the new health insurance reform (I might have said that wrong) that employers are required to offer dependent care to both married and unmarried children under the age of 26. What is the right thing here? We are supposed to get married in 7 weeks and almost everything is already paid. Not to mention I dont want to cancel my wedding. My fiance has really bad health problems and can not go without health insurance. I had a job with insurance and just lost it 3 months ago so we didnt see this coming.
If she is falsely informing us what should we say to her? Or do?
Post # 2
I would call the insurance company and find out!
Post # 3
Waitingbee57: As far as I know, employers offer it, but employees don’t have to accept it. It’s not free to have an adult child on your insurance, so maybe your FMIL thinks that someone who is old enough to be married is old enough to provide his own insurance?
Post # 4
ilikeballet: I did call the insurance company and they said that they covered married children.
carolinabelle: No that is not it at all. We will have insurance in January (I took another job and will be on their employee benefit program next year). She is literally telling me that I need to have a fake wedding and getting married legally when he turns 26 ( or either one of us has insurance) she said she got word from HR that they will be kicking him off if he gets married.
Post # 5
Waitingbee57: Good. I would definitely believe the insurance company over your FMIL.
Post # 6
Waitingbee57: yes I think carolinabelle: is right. Employers have to offer, but it is up to the employee to accept. His mother ultimately pays at least something for it (usually) and can take him off her plan if she chooses to do so.
Why can’t he figure out his own insurance situation? If someone is old enough and responsible enough to get married, typically they would be old enough and responsible enough not to have to rely on their parents for something so crucial to life….especially when you KNOW the availability will lapse someday no matter what (when he is 26). Maybe it’s better to just prepare for that now instead of staking something like that on someone else.
Edited to add after your update: so yes they cover, but does his mom have to accept it? In my past jobs there was always an area to add children to the policy, it was not mandatory. Could his mom be using that as an excuse to get him off her plan or try to interfere with your plans for some reason?
Post # 7
So is your FMIL telling you not to get married because she doesn’t want you guys to and will take him off the insurance or because she thinks the insurance will cut him off once he gets married?
Post # 8
Your FMIL isn’t required to pay or keep your FI covered under her policy. Is she saying she will remove him if you get married?
Post # 9
polyblonde: newbeelove: tksjewelry: His mom told us that they will not cover him if he is to get married. She has been trying to interfeir with the wedding for quite some time. She always comes up with excuses as to why we cant get married on a monthly basis just because she isnt ready to let him go. He has major heart problems and has underwent 3 open heart surgeries since we have been together. Him getting a job that offers insurance is not on the table right now and me losing my job 4 months before the wedding didnt help either. I am now in a position that I will be getting insurance as of January 2015 for the both of us. It is NOT because she will not pay the premium (she has the family plan that covers all of your dependents and FI is the oldest of 5 children so it will cover everyone up to 10 dependents for the same price)
Post # 10
If the insurance company is saying he will still be covered, why don’t you or your SO ask your FMIL to call the insurance company herself? Maybe she is actually confused. But if you did get married, do you actually think she would take him off the insurance? Why in the world would she risk not having insurance on her own son if he has so many heart problems?
Post # 11
Even if the insurance company allows the married adult child to stay on the parent’s insurance, it’s not free and the parent is not required to accept the coverage. He is no longer her dependent if he is married.
more importantly, if your Fi is old enough to marry then he’s old enough to buy his own insurance. Period. Marriage means you are creating a new family unit. You are responsible for your family unit. Be responsible and get your own insurance.
Why anyone with chronic health problems would rely on anyone else other than their spouse for insurance is beyond me, let alone someone who does not support their marriage. If by some miracle you convince her not to drop his insurance, she will play this card every single time he argues with her.
your Fi needs to stop depending on his mother and get his own insurance.
Post # 12
If your fiance can’t afford his own insurance, and you can’t afford his insurance, why are you getting married? You are entering into a marriage KNOWING that you will be dependent on his parents for his health. That seems insane.
Post # 13
Waitingbee57: this is a tough situation. Clearly your FI has some serious health issues and so I’m not surprised that his mom is overbearing and protective. I think it’s her fear taking over, like most moms I’m sure she dreads losing him before it’s her time to go.
I haven’t read your previous posts but I would sit down with her over coffee and have a heart to heart if possible. She needs to know you will work with her to take care of her son. Normally I wouldn’t say this but the fact is, he is obviously very much dependent on insurance that he is unable to provide for himself. Her insurance is a large part of that. Perhaps you and your FMIL could visit the insurance company (if local) or the HR department and discuss both of your concerns together. This really is about his well being by the sounds of it, not so much about you.
I wanted to point out as well that if anything should happen between the two of you, it would largely if not fully fall on his mom, because again he is very much dependent. She is aware of that, and that likely fuels her fears also. No wonder she’s overbearing and likely paranoid. Any sane mother who loves her child (even adult child) would be, especially in a case like yours. Please tread carefully with her, she must really be struggling. Clearly this is not easy for you as well, but I think it’s very important for all of you that you work with your FI’s mom towards a solution that benefits your FI.
Post # 14
Also, your FMIL isn’t telling you that you can’t marry your FI. She’s telling you that when you get married, he will no longer be on her insurance. Those are two very different things.
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse
sarals24: I’m with you on this one.
Why is a grown man on his mom’s health insurance? He needs to get himself completely independant before you get married or she will hold it over your head in the mean time.
Personally I wouldn’t advise getting married if you are not capable of being independant of other people.